Hi all -
I've lurked for a bit, a kindred spirit but nothing to add that hasn't already been said more times uncounted. The need to end the current existence and move on has weighed on me for some time, I wish I could say I've found solace that so many others feel as I do, but really not so much. Not a reflection on the base here, on the contrary, you are all my brothers and sisters in the struggle, I'm grateful there are so many who understand and are not afraid to voice what is unspoken in society writ large.
I've struggled with health issues for some years, and beyond that simply the march of shifting relevance and the inability to marshal the energy and resources to fight the fight. Oh that nature had seen fit to integrate an on-off switch in lieu of what is 'legally' available to our feeble hands. I would prefer, as many here, a quiet, mess-free, peaceful exit, but that's more energy and effort that can be managed at this point.
Physically I hit the wall today, I'm really beyond managing my chronic illness, it's a mental mind fuck I simply don't have the capacity to cope with after so many years. I'm alone, a good thing in this context, and I screwed up my courage today to purchase a weapon to end this. Funny, I wanted a particular pistol, so I await its arrival.
I have a dam of feelings and thoughts I'd love to dump here, but again, what I've struggled with so many others on this platform have previously expressed, it would be little more than a rehash. The weapon won't arrive for a couple weeks, hopefully my resolve won't waiver, but I expect only a continued physical deterioration will present, so with a little liquid courage I'll self-release.
Is tequila second to N?
So ironic, I used to embrace a very different paradigm, but after years of suffering in an ailing body without support, recovery or relief, the old paradigm holds little weight in its veracity.
Ah well. The quanta that make up my organic being will not escape this closed system, I see a cockroach persona in my future.
Thank you all for your honesty, your compassion, and your continued support for those who choose to release and those who choose to remain. You are heroes in the first degree.
I've lurked for a bit, a kindred spirit but nothing to add that hasn't already been said more times uncounted. The need to end the current existence and move on has weighed on me for some time, I wish I could say I've found solace that so many others feel as I do, but really not so much. Not a reflection on the base here, on the contrary, you are all my brothers and sisters in the struggle, I'm grateful there are so many who understand and are not afraid to voice what is unspoken in society writ large.
I've struggled with health issues for some years, and beyond that simply the march of shifting relevance and the inability to marshal the energy and resources to fight the fight. Oh that nature had seen fit to integrate an on-off switch in lieu of what is 'legally' available to our feeble hands. I would prefer, as many here, a quiet, mess-free, peaceful exit, but that's more energy and effort that can be managed at this point.
Physically I hit the wall today, I'm really beyond managing my chronic illness, it's a mental mind fuck I simply don't have the capacity to cope with after so many years. I'm alone, a good thing in this context, and I screwed up my courage today to purchase a weapon to end this. Funny, I wanted a particular pistol, so I await its arrival.
I have a dam of feelings and thoughts I'd love to dump here, but again, what I've struggled with so many others on this platform have previously expressed, it would be little more than a rehash. The weapon won't arrive for a couple weeks, hopefully my resolve won't waiver, but I expect only a continued physical deterioration will present, so with a little liquid courage I'll self-release.
Is tequila second to N?
So ironic, I used to embrace a very different paradigm, but after years of suffering in an ailing body without support, recovery or relief, the old paradigm holds little weight in its veracity.
Ah well. The quanta that make up my organic being will not escape this closed system, I see a cockroach persona in my future.
Thank you all for your honesty, your compassion, and your continued support for those who choose to release and those who choose to remain. You are heroes in the first degree.
