waiting to die

[nails]

ending it is all i can think about. everything is so awful. i'm either insanely bored or breaking down. there's nothing to be happy about, i hate everyone, and none of my distractions work anymore. i'm miserable as soon as i wake up. the only thing that makes me feel better is the fact that i'll be dead soon, but even that just pisses me off because i'd rather just die now.
i envy the people who spend their final days/weeks/months just doing what they want, spending a bunch of money, sleeping around, and getting high. i still have responsibilities, i'm still stuck in this shitty household, and i have no money. i'll live the same pathetic life up until my death.

 

[flkywch]

i could have wrote this word for word. the worst part is when the realisation hits after trying and trying again that the distractions make you feel nothing now.

heavily relate to feeling bored or breaking down being the two default states as well… unlucki life roll