Venting Visiting home

[10000DaysTooMany]

I'm making a trip back to my home town in early September. I keep telling myself it's because seeing everyone will help me feel better, but in reality I think I'm making this trip to say goodbye to everyone in person. Things are a bit more complicated now because I had a friend move in with me to try and stop myself but I still just want to die.

I have a full SN method ready to go whenever I want; but I don't want him to find me. I'll probably either go outdoors somewhere or get a hotel room to die in. I've been taking bupropion for a few months now. Things are more palatable but I'm not better. Over the last few months I've realized I care less and less about the pain I'll cause to those close to me when I CTB. Dying means losing the bad things; but you will also lose the good things. I'm prepared to let go of everything I love and hate. I've made my peace with death and I'm ready whenever my time comes.

 

[FuneralCry]

I imagine it must be a relief to feel at peace with your inevitable fate, I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[10000DaysTooMany]

I imagine it must be a relief to feel at peace with your inevitable fate, I wish you the best with your plans.

It is a relief. I could always die some other way before I end my own life but I'm prepared for whenever that time comes. And knowing I have everything prepared for a peaceful exit is a serious weight off my shoulders.