kittyswift
getting tired even for a phoenix..
- Sep 29, 2023
- 215
things are so hard and its just so painful just to exist at the moment. ive been researching different methods a-lot recently, and originally SN was completely out of the picture for me due to sourcing issues but i think it might be possible now? im just really struggling to decide on a method. i have been looking at SN, jumping from height and hanging (either full suspension or partial.. im not sure). im not really keen on the final option because i think i would just panic too much in my final moments and thats not really ideal but im starting to feel really desperate. i have been watching a lot of videos as a part of my research into this method and im thinking when done right that it might not be so bad? i used to say to myself i have my whole life to die to try and comfort me and say that there isnt a rush but its yet again starting to feel like a rush. i dont want any more failed attempts though, like im sure everyone else does. i want one last attempt and i need it to work, there isnt any other option. im just so scared of failing again. i really dont have room to fail because i will definitely be sectioned and i cannot go back to that god awful psych ward. im feel like im grieving for myself. grieving the life i could have built for myself if i wasn't so fucked in the head. i hate everything
