Venting vent

[no.surprises]

i am completely and utterly lost. i have trouble articulating my thoughts but the main reason im so suicidal sounds stupid but is capitalism. the thought of continuing schooling, working my ass off to get a job and live a comfortable life sounds like absolute hell. i truly believe the only way i could be happy is if i win a billion dollars. i am in so much physical and mental pain and there is exhaustion deep in my bones. im surprised that i even manage to get out of bed and complete my responsibilities.

i have the most loving, supportive girlfriend that would do anything for me and i feel super guilty for even being depressed because of how lucky i am to have her. she knows about all of my issues and tries to help me work through them, but theres nothing anyone can do. the thought of leaving her like that crushes me but i also feel bad for living solely for her.

im currently on antidepressants but they just sort of numb my emotions except for the depression. i have trouble eating and very often get nauseous when i do. im young but i pray everyday that something will take me out so i dont have to do it myself. i cant find the energy to carry on. being alive feels like a punishment

 

[Kikorama]

If you problems are mostly derived from financial/work+life balance i think would be helpfull if you Learn about the F.I.R.E movement.

altough you did mention "live a confortable life" which is a bit vague for me as a reader soo this advice might not apply for you

 

[no.surprises]

If you problems are mostly derived from financial/work+life balance i think would be helpfull if you Learn about the F.I.R.E movement.

altough you did mention "live a confortable life" which is a bit vague for me as a reader soo this advice might not apply for you

thanks for your reply. i looked into the movement and it seems like a slightly more aggressive plan than what i originally had. will definitely be reading more into it