halfstay
Member
- Feb 4, 2026
- 66
well it's 5am. to be honest I haven't really slept in days. I have work in a few hours so there's really not much difference between two hours and no hours at this point.
I guess what's keeping me up tonight is my families reactions to my death. it's like I can see the future, it's so vivid to me. my step mom will scream and crumple to the floor, my dad will hide his emotions until no one is looking and beat a hole into the wall. my mom won't leave her bed or stop crying for weeks, and when she does she'll slip back into an alcoholic stuppor, disappear where no one will find her so she can drink her life away. my little brother won't understand the finality of death. he'll be in daze, watching helplessly as all the adults in his life crumple around him. my Nan will go down hill as the cancer takes her quickly. she'll be delirious, her memory all but fading. my eldest two sisters will bawl inconsolably, leaving their kids who they don't have the heart tell, scared and confused. And my middle sister, the one closest to me. she'll bob in and out of mental facilities before eventually taking her life as well a few years down the line. my grandma will turn to god to ease her sorrow, my grandpas will try not to feel it at all. My cousins will be left disconnected, confused as to what happened to the little kid they used to know. they'll move on, but it'll linger in the back of their minds occasionally.
my dad and step mothers dog won't understand my absence, but she'll become stressed and refuse to eat because her loving parents are too emotionally destroyed to give me the attention she needs. my cat will meow at my door every night, unsure why I won't come let her in.
my lizards will be surrendered to an exotic rescue. and my roommate will have to break our lease because he can't afford our apartment alone. he'll settle for a shitty studio place that costs too much because at the very least it's more bearable that living with his parents again. and he'll slowly grow more depressed as he never leaves his isolated home.
a few old professors of mine will hear the news eventually. they'll shake their heads with an exasperated grimace, wondering why another young student took their life. My old classmates will only catch wind of it many years down the line. They'll sigh and say it's sad, sure, but not at all unexpected.
Some of my coworkers will cry, others will cringe in awkward silence. things will be painfully quietly for a few weeks before someone musters the courage to break the ice and speak freely again, reigniting our talkative environment.
they'll have a funeral for me, even though I'll request not to. it'll be closed casket, but a burial none the less. my organs will be scooped from me and analyzed cautiously, considering if the poison makes them too much risk for a donation or not. only a handle full of people there will know anything about me, showing up instead to support my grieving parents. my nephew will babble during the service as his father tries to shut him up quickly, eventually grabbing him and leaving the service all together. my niece will try to comfort my sister, which will only cause her to start crying harder because her baby doesn't know what's going on.
my friends will all drift apart and eventually only speak occasionally.
and then that will be it. the world will go on. and my legacy will be pure in their minds but I'll know, or die knowing, that they were all cursed the moment they had me. im a demon, born with the soul purpose to tear this family apart. and I carry that guilt with me every second of every day. and when I close my eyes I can see it all play out so vividly. so I can't sleep. I guess I'll just wait for my responsibilities to find me first when morning comes.
I guess what's keeping me up tonight is my families reactions to my death. it's like I can see the future, it's so vivid to me. my step mom will scream and crumple to the floor, my dad will hide his emotions until no one is looking and beat a hole into the wall. my mom won't leave her bed or stop crying for weeks, and when she does she'll slip back into an alcoholic stuppor, disappear where no one will find her so she can drink her life away. my little brother won't understand the finality of death. he'll be in daze, watching helplessly as all the adults in his life crumple around him. my Nan will go down hill as the cancer takes her quickly. she'll be delirious, her memory all but fading. my eldest two sisters will bawl inconsolably, leaving their kids who they don't have the heart tell, scared and confused. And my middle sister, the one closest to me. she'll bob in and out of mental facilities before eventually taking her life as well a few years down the line. my grandma will turn to god to ease her sorrow, my grandpas will try not to feel it at all. My cousins will be left disconnected, confused as to what happened to the little kid they used to know. they'll move on, but it'll linger in the back of their minds occasionally.
my dad and step mothers dog won't understand my absence, but she'll become stressed and refuse to eat because her loving parents are too emotionally destroyed to give me the attention she needs. my cat will meow at my door every night, unsure why I won't come let her in.
my lizards will be surrendered to an exotic rescue. and my roommate will have to break our lease because he can't afford our apartment alone. he'll settle for a shitty studio place that costs too much because at the very least it's more bearable that living with his parents again. and he'll slowly grow more depressed as he never leaves his isolated home.
a few old professors of mine will hear the news eventually. they'll shake their heads with an exasperated grimace, wondering why another young student took their life. My old classmates will only catch wind of it many years down the line. They'll sigh and say it's sad, sure, but not at all unexpected.
Some of my coworkers will cry, others will cringe in awkward silence. things will be painfully quietly for a few weeks before someone musters the courage to break the ice and speak freely again, reigniting our talkative environment.
they'll have a funeral for me, even though I'll request not to. it'll be closed casket, but a burial none the less. my organs will be scooped from me and analyzed cautiously, considering if the poison makes them too much risk for a donation or not. only a handle full of people there will know anything about me, showing up instead to support my grieving parents. my nephew will babble during the service as his father tries to shut him up quickly, eventually grabbing him and leaving the service all together. my niece will try to comfort my sister, which will only cause her to start crying harder because her baby doesn't know what's going on.
my friends will all drift apart and eventually only speak occasionally.
and then that will be it. the world will go on. and my legacy will be pure in their minds but I'll know, or die knowing, that they were all cursed the moment they had me. im a demon, born with the soul purpose to tear this family apart. and I carry that guilt with me every second of every day. and when I close my eyes I can see it all play out so vividly. so I can't sleep. I guess I'll just wait for my responsibilities to find me first when morning comes.
