
Flutter Girl
An alphabet soup of pain, pain, & more pain
- May 6, 2022
- 13
First post, have been lurking for quite a while…I've found writing about it publicly to be difficult, because I'm terrified of getting found out. I have a mother that's a raging malignant narcissist, that would delight in me being trapped in a psych ward.
At the same time, if (more like when) the time comes, I want to be able to have some people to talk to, even just in a thread that's deleted afterwards. I've been alone literally or figuratively (periods where I wasn't alone, but was actively used and abused, and unable to talk about it) my whole life, and I know I'll need that comfort to push past SI, and fear of pain…despite the soul-crushing physical and psychological pain I deal with daily.
I thought I'd found my method with some SN I found on the jungle, but it seems to me like it's likely/possibly not legit. The package looks nothing like what was advertised (reagent/lab grade, labeled, sealed container), and it in fact came in an unlabeled bag, that I'm yet to unseal/inspect…out of fear of finding I was ripped off, not wanting to keep opening if it IS legit, and not quite knowing the best ways to test it, despite all my research here so far.
I really can't afford to spend more money if it IS legit, and I don't see other sources, that might not sound an alarm…but I'm even more worried after reading a story of someone ordering N, and finding that they got rat poison. I'm so afraid of this being bogus, as it's truly my only option.
I'm aware of the blood test, but am very put off by blood. Is that the sole way to test? From what I've read, aquarium tests won't make the grade :/
Also wondering is anyone has successfully tested supposed SN from this jungle source.
Thanks
- Flutter
At the same time, if (more like when) the time comes, I want to be able to have some people to talk to, even just in a thread that's deleted afterwards. I've been alone literally or figuratively (periods where I wasn't alone, but was actively used and abused, and unable to talk about it) my whole life, and I know I'll need that comfort to push past SI, and fear of pain…despite the soul-crushing physical and psychological pain I deal with daily.
I thought I'd found my method with some SN I found on the jungle, but it seems to me like it's likely/possibly not legit. The package looks nothing like what was advertised (reagent/lab grade, labeled, sealed container), and it in fact came in an unlabeled bag, that I'm yet to unseal/inspect…out of fear of finding I was ripped off, not wanting to keep opening if it IS legit, and not quite knowing the best ways to test it, despite all my research here so far.
I really can't afford to spend more money if it IS legit, and I don't see other sources, that might not sound an alarm…but I'm even more worried after reading a story of someone ordering N, and finding that they got rat poison. I'm so afraid of this being bogus, as it's truly my only option.
I'm aware of the blood test, but am very put off by blood. Is that the sole way to test? From what I've read, aquarium tests won't make the grade :/
Also wondering is anyone has successfully tested supposed SN from this jungle source.
Thanks
- Flutter