Venting Unintentional Trauma-Dumping

[Sucsarius]

Whenever I meet new people and they share something personal, I end up sharing too much about myself right after. It's like some kind of compulsive "trauma-dumping". I hate that it feels like I'm making the conversation about me. I can't help, but see myself as egoistic after doing it.

I just decided to comment about this because a situation happened last night. I already lost a friendship two years ago because of this behavior; when I suddenly thought that it would be a good idea to share about my SH habit. Now I'm afraid I will potentially lose another friend I barely just met.

I don't know why this happens, I think it's because I have been lonely and friendless for a long time. I wish I could stop it, but I'm not sure how. Am I supposed to keep everything bottled up, like I used to? How am I supposed to behave around new friends? How can I be a genuinely good friend for them?

 

[ShackledSoul]

I don't know if it's the case for you, but for me, it's almost certainly because I've been given the impression that absolutely no one listens when you express that you're in any kind of pain. So when you've met people who seem like they will, there is a tendency to unload everything all at once, hence the "trauma dumping." Problem is, people think we're being manipulative when we're just starved of undestanding and anyone willing to listen. People in general just tend to view it as a big inconvenience to them, and the minute that you're aren't some kind of Disney-character wünderkid life-of-the-party type socialite, and you ever express that you're struggling, you're a "downer" and "I'm not your therapist." I've lost many friends by expressing these things openly, and regret it deeply every time I do.

I'm realistic, and willing to acknowledge that maybe I'm uniquely unfortunate in that regard, or maybe I'm just an intolerable shit head and I brought it on myself, so don't take my word for it. I guess my point is that I don't have any answers, but want to express that things really shouldn't be this way. People deserve to have friends that love and support them, and at least in my experience, it doesn't seem like a lot of people these days are able to step up to the plate. I wish things were different, but if they were, I'd imagine a lot of us wouldn't be here in the first place, right?

 

[SoLowHollow48]

I tend to do this too and following what ShackledSoul mentioned, I think it is because finding someone who would listen is difficult that when someone who would came along, we sort of just dumped everything. But then again, do people just expect us to come to ChatGPT to talk instead?

I sort of started recording myself trauma-dump recently and it sort of helped me not talk about my problems with people much. I don't think that not talking to anyone about it is good but I don't think that talking it all out to someone is good either so I found another outlet that allows me to control this tendency. Every time I itch to talk about something, even if it's not trauma-related, I went to make a log on my phone. Less oversharing, less people thinking that I'm fucking annoying.

So far, I only talk to one person about the stuff that I'm dealing with and it's not even the entire thing.

 

[Sucsarius]

Hey, thanks for the replies. It turns out I haven't actually lost this friendship. If anything, the bond with this new friend has only gotten stronger. I still feel a bit bad about burdening them with my problems, so I've started holding back a little when I vent. But, honestly, when we vent to each other it feels really natural. I can finally say I have a real friend. I never thought I would be receiving daily messages one day!

People deserve to have friends that love and support them, and at least in my experience, it doesn't seem like a lot of people these days are able to step up to the plate.

I feel pretty lucky. I really believe they're one of those rare people.

But then again, do people just expect us to come to ChatGPT to talk instead?

I actually used to do that... a bit embarrassing to admit (〃ﾉωﾉ).

So far, I only talk to one person about the stuff that I'm dealing with and it's not even the entire thing.

Same, I think it's better this way.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I do find myself doing this too, then feeling bad. I think it does tend to be that I isolate a lot so, any interaction that feels deeper and, it all just pours out.

Worse, in the past, I've asked too personal a question too soon. Nothing dodgy by the way. Someone was talking about their partner and I asked them if they wanted children. As it happened, they were struggling to have them so, it was a sore point. But yeah- I think I can be too much, too soon sometimes.

I'm glad to hear it all ended up ok though. I've bonded more closely to people when we shared problems. Our similar perspectives and worries were in a way as important as our shared interests.

 

[SASU-KE]

Unfortunately, these things have to take time. You can't force them. You can only confide in close friends, otherwise you make things awkward. So for both your sake and theirs,you're going to have to give it some time before you open up like that.

Otherwise they will instantly distance themselves.

 

[Sucsarius]

Unfortunately, these things have to take time. You can't force them. You can only confide in close friends, otherwise you make things awkward. So for both your sake and theirs,you're going to have to give it some time before you open up like that.

Otherwise they will instantly distance themselves.

I specifically said this trauma-dumping happens unintentionally. My question wasn't about whether I should wait to open up. It was about understanding why it happens and how to handle it. If it was as simple as you make it sound, I wouldn't have made this post.