Hi it is my first post. I feel so much pain. And living is not worth anymore. My problem is that my father cbt when I was a kid. It is something that my whole family shacked down. I saw suicide as something that has to be prevented so no harm is done. My younger brother felt the worst. He was so much mentally troubled. I tried so much to be with him. He told almost everyday he just wants to die and it is unfair that we don't let him. I tried so much that he wants to live. At the end after many years his mood has a bit changed. I think he is sometimes happy. But I know small changes can make him very sad again. Now I am in the situation that I really don't want to live. It is hypocritical of me. I don't let others die but me. And I fear the impact. Sorry for long story and I think I just want this to be said so it is off my heart
