trauma timeline and rationalizing ctb

[catfriend]

anyone mapped out their traumas across a timeline of sorts? like, what happened, when (and for how long) it happened, and how traumatic it was.

this was an exercise my psychologist had me do a year or so ago. i recently got to turning the page i filled out into a proper excel spreadsheet with color coding and everything. that is:

1. PURPLE for traumas that were mostly bad but with some good (ambiguous/confusing)
2. ORANGE for traumas that were bad
3. RED for traumas that were really bad

i found it helpful as it confirmed, for me, that my life so far has been almost entirely traumatic -- uninterrupted ORANGE with flecks of RED.

it got me thinking about the ideas from that yale lecture on suicide (and part 2) shared in that resource compilation thread, about the rationality of suicide. if one's life is verifiably 'bad' up until the current point in time, is it rational to hold out in the hopes that it gets 'good', knowing full well that's not a given? at what point is it more rational to ctb? i find it interesting. thoughts?

 

[Thomas Rekowicz]

All Red and Orange in me i cannot function normaly anymore i made do many mistakes i AM sick of myself

 

[The_screaming_dawn]

Pretty decent amount of red in the past few years and a good amount of orange in my younger years so, yeah I felt this. I think its irrational to CBT personally and that it's never quite rational. Thats not to say that I don't get it and haven't tried myself but I don't believe at any point its rational. I guess the BS of "Well everything will get better" is still fairly ingrained.