reznikoff
Despondent
- Jan 13, 2019
- 43
okay, so I just want to vent for a sec. this is more for me than anything, don't mean to put this out here and clog the forums. hope my little vent isn't too troublesome.
i recently got out of an abusive relationship. i live with BPD, so things aren't easy for me as is, but my ex's incessant manipulation and gaslighting put me in a cycle of hell for a year. i put my life on hold for him and he would use me up until i had nothing left. all my friends watched my deterioration but i insisted i was happy. i wasn't.
and as bad as it sounds, I've gotten into a new relationship. it's only been like a month since my ex and i split. my new boyfriend is nice. i like him a lot. he's tall, he's quiet, he's cool. good guy all around. but i can't help but feel guilty. is it wrong for me to have moved on so quickly? i haven't even moved on, honestly. it feels weird being in a new relationship after living romantically with someone for a whole year of my life. it's so foreign. i don't know how to act in a new relationship, lol. my heart is hurting, and is very confused.
i just... i dunno. my studies aren't doing so great, either. i used to have such a passion for filmmaking, but as of late i have lost my love. my video & film courses seem more of a chore than anything now. i feel like giving up. i get that lack of motivation is just something i have to soldier through in life no matter what. but i'm at the point where i'm reconsidering taking these classes next year. i've got premature senioritis.
on top of that, a friend of mine of 4+ years recently had a falling out with me. yikes. things are wild these days, folks.
i recently got out of an abusive relationship. i live with BPD, so things aren't easy for me as is, but my ex's incessant manipulation and gaslighting put me in a cycle of hell for a year. i put my life on hold for him and he would use me up until i had nothing left. all my friends watched my deterioration but i insisted i was happy. i wasn't.
and as bad as it sounds, I've gotten into a new relationship. it's only been like a month since my ex and i split. my new boyfriend is nice. i like him a lot. he's tall, he's quiet, he's cool. good guy all around. but i can't help but feel guilty. is it wrong for me to have moved on so quickly? i haven't even moved on, honestly. it feels weird being in a new relationship after living romantically with someone for a whole year of my life. it's so foreign. i don't know how to act in a new relationship, lol. my heart is hurting, and is very confused.
i just... i dunno. my studies aren't doing so great, either. i used to have such a passion for filmmaking, but as of late i have lost my love. my video & film courses seem more of a chore than anything now. i feel like giving up. i get that lack of motivation is just something i have to soldier through in life no matter what. but i'm at the point where i'm reconsidering taking these classes next year. i've got premature senioritis.
on top of that, a friend of mine of 4+ years recently had a falling out with me. yikes. things are wild these days, folks.