Tonight *finally* I'm going to drink SN - dunno if it's going to work

[VicMackey]

I'm already tired and scared... I don't trust my stomach nor my body...

Hugs,

I wish you the best.

 

[Freakazette]

Just remember that you don't have to do it now if you're not sure. If you are, I wish you peace.

I will never be sure...

 

[Snake of Eden]

I will never be sure...

Nobody i think is ever sure upto the last minute. Dont feel pressured to do it if you feel it is not the right time for you

 

[Freakazette]

Nobody i think is ever sure upto the last minute. Dont feel pressured to do it if you feel it is not the right time for you

It will never be the right time...

Hugs,

 

[Anonymous_A]

I wish you the best but I don't understand these kinds of "what if" posts.

What if it doesn't work on me? What if I wake up?

It's kind of like asking what if I don't breathe for 10 hours, what if I drink a deadly poison but I somehow survive, what if I shoot myself with a shotgun but the pellets bounce off?

Basically what if I'm special and different to other people?

Well in that case you'll still be alive and no worse off than you were before. But you are just like everyone else and if you follow the process you will not wake up.

What you're really saying is please tell me this won't kill me and I'll be okay, I just need to feel loved.

If you aren't sure, then please do not do it.

Yep.
It's either are you gon drink it, keep it down and not call ems, or are you not gonna drink it?
that's all you need to ask, everything else is irrelevant since you'll die, if you don't well IMO ain't followed the guide or your the one , and only one person out of shitloads of people who have died by sn, that somehow survived

 

[Freakazette]

Yep.
It's either are you gon drink it, keep it down and not call ems, or are you not gonna drink it?
that's all you need to ask, everything else is irrelevant since you'll die, if you don't well IMO ain't followed the guide or your the one , and only one person out of shitloads of people who have died by sn, that somehow survived

I cannot call the ambulance at 1am in the morning...

I don't trust my stomach and I'm feeling already weak and stuff.

I will have to take it, is now or never.

In 20 minutes I'll take the anti-acid.


UPDATE:

I took the anti-acid. I sense my stomach is also like too small. I drunk a little bit of water for taking the anti-acid capsules.

30 minutes from now: SN

Scared.

 

[it's_all_a_game]

I hope you find eternal peace and escape this hell of a planet.

 

[hahabye]

I think my last moments will be the same - full of fear and doubt.

Hang in there @Freakazette and remember you don't have to do anything you don't want to, there's always a way out of this.

I hope you feel better soon either way, wishing you inner peace

 

[logan]

The way I have been following your situation today, today is not the right time.
It doesn't sound like a peaceful end.
Maybe you should reconsider your decision.

 

[W3akCr3atur3]

I wish you peace

 

[imaloserbaby]

Hi there, we haven't spoken before but I've been following this thread and just wanted to see how you're doing Feel free to reach out if you just need to talk!

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

Just want to say, you're not a coward if you don't do it, not at all. Like you say there's never a "right" time but still, not a coward.

 

[Jumping_realms]

You sound pretty indecisive.

Of course people will support your decision, but if you aren't ready, that's fine too.

 

[SuicidalAgain]

The fear and doubt are perfectly understandable, even if you're exhausted of this life and want out, there's always that chance you will survive, and what if you become damaged and life becomes even more unbearable? That is a fear I can understand very well, having failed 3 attempts.

If you're out there, please update us @Freakazette
You don't have to prove anything to any one of us, so if you backed out, that's totally fine. You can make that decision at another time, or not at all.

If not, nonexistance is the perfect escape from this hell.

 

[Freakazette]

I felt asleep for like 4 hours, I just wanted to rest my eyes

And I don't have anti acid anymore

I will still drink it today, though...

 

[PaxAmerica]

I felt asleep for like 4 hours, I just wanted to rest my eyes

And I don't have anti acid anymore

I will still drink it today, though...

I dont think you should because I think you are not sure. Thats not a bad thing. Its not like whether to wear a red shirt or blue. Please think it some more and best wishes.

 

[Freakazette]

I dont think you should because I think you are not sure. Thats not a bad thing. Its not like whether to wear a red shirt or blue. Please think it some more and best wishes.

I'm sure, very sure! Ultimate sure!

Will bicarbonate do/work as well?

I'm still going to take SN today but for now I will rest. I fell asleep around 1:30-2am, woke up at 05:30am. Now it's 6am.

Hugs,
.

 

[Bullit]

I'm sure, very sure! Ultimate sure!

Will bicarbonate do/work as well?

I'm still going to take SN today but for now I will rest. I fell asleep around 1:30-2am, woke up at 05:30am. Now

Good luck whatever u decide.

 

[Freakazette]

I will use bicarbonate instead of an anti-acid.

I slept for 3 more or hours, maybe it was better this way. I don't have a clue how my organism will react to SN, especially my stomach! Already have a messed up body. That's the point of it all.

It's 10 am now, around 1-2pm or even 3pm I plan on taking the SN now.

Fasting from yesterday at 11-12am.

Hugs,

 

[hʚll]

if you choose to do it , i hope it will be as peaceful as possible. i'm sorry that you have to go through all this just to stop suffering... hugs

 

[Freakazette]

if you choose to do it , i hope it will be as peaceful as possible. i'm sorry that you have to go through all this just to stop suffering... hugs

I hope that too!

I'm dreaming of just falling asleep with SN...

But dunno how my organism/organs will react.

Hugs,

 

[Bigpink]

This is the hardest thing to do. Wish you peace whatever happens today.

 

[Freakazette]

This is the hardest thing to do. Wish you peace whatever happens today.

Thank you! Hopefully, I can also die, peacefully or not.

The main thing is to die. If it doesn't kill me and I wake up worse ( damaged organs ), this is what terrifies me.

At 3pm tops I'm drinking SN. ( now it's 11am )

Hugs,

 

[Bigpink]

We're with you.

 

[aminend]

Thank you! Hopefully, I can also die, peacefully or not.

The main thing is to die. If it doesn't kill me and I wake up worse ( damaged organs ), this is what terrifies me.

At 3pm tops I'm drinking SN. ( now it's 11am )

Hugs,

I think when the ctb time comes we don't care its consequences because we only know current situation is unbearable

 

[Freakazette]

I think when the ctb time comes we don't care its consequences because we only know current situation is unbearable

That's right!

If my heart beats hard when just walking ( I also have breathing problems, suffered / suffering from anorexia more than 10 years ), will this mean SN will affect even more my heart?

One of my hands is still weak...

I also stopped drinking just in case from around 10:30am today, now it's 11:30. Fasted from yesterday at around 10:30-11am.

Today is the day, I got 2 days OFF work just in case I don't die... BUT I HAVE TO DIE!

I'm mostly concerned about not passing out and not dying.

Hopefully, my SN is still pure. I got it like more 2 months ago. Open it once to test it with blood and that was it.

I don't have anti-acid anymore, will be taking maybe bicarbonate - but I'm still not sure of this.



UPDATE:

[Protective effect of sodium bicarbonate in nitrite ion poisoning] - PubMed

It is shown that sodium bicarbonate effectively protects the organism from toxical action of sodium nitrite. Administration of this drug promotes the increase of the lifetime of animals under intoxication with lethal doses of sodium nitrite. The preliminary administration of sodium bicarbonate...

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

"It is shown that sodium bicarbonate effectively protects the organism from toxical action of sodium nitrite."

I'm not going to take bicarbonate anymore, and don't have any sort of anti-acid anymore - dunno if the one that I had before was okay... So, beats me.

So, no meds. I'm more concerned of being left with a hole in my stomach and still alive...

It's 12am, I will drink my last water, then wait a couple of hours. Then SN, whatever it will be...

Still dreaming I will just fall asleep with SN...

Hugs,

 

[aminend]

That's right!

If my heart beats hard when just walking ( I also have breathing problems, suffered / suffering from anorexia more than 10 years ), will this mean SN will affect even more my heart?

One of my hands is still weak...

I also stopped drinking just in case from around 10:30am today, now it's 11:30. Fasted from yesterday at around 10:30-11am.

Today is the day, I got 2 days OFF work just in case I don't die... BUT I HAVE TO DIE!

I'm mostly concerned about not passing out and not dying.

Hopefully, my SN is still pure. I got it like more 2 months ago. Open it once to test it with blood and that was it.

I don't have anti-acid anymore, will be taking maybe bicarbonate - but I'm still not sure of this.

Hugs,

I don't think that affects on SN death process alot. And as we know SN kills unless the person vomites soon and doesn't take second glass or gets medical help. We are not the first one who want use SN and we are not the last one

 

[Freakazette]

I don't think that affects on SN death process alot. And as we know SN kills unless the person vomites soon and doesn't take second glass or gets medical help. We are not the first one who want use SN and we are not the last one

I will have prepared 2 more glasses as back-up, of 20 grams, in case 25 grams was too much.

I already have a bag besides the bed in case of puking.

I'm living in rent, so I'm going to cover all over even the carpet.

I cannot even drink water anymore...

Dunno how my stomach and organs will react with SN.

I am calm, I need this, not just want this... But my organism is a concern / worry of mine...

12am - stopped drinking liquids as well. Will wait at least a couple of hours just in case I need to go to the bathroom first before drinking SN.

Oh, and hopefully it's still pure.

And that it's going to get absorbed ( even though, Friday I tested the absorbtion process by drinking some Jack Daniels and it got absorbed ).

I will be so devastated if it's not going to kill me and with a hole in my stomach and such.

I don't want to survive.

I will type here the moment I took SN.


Hugs,

 

[hʚll]

we are virtually here with you, whether you decide to take the sn or not
<3

 

[Freakazette]

we are virtually here with you, whether you decide to take the sn or not
<3

I will. In 2 hours and 35 minutes ( it's 12:25pm ) , I'm starting to prepare the drinks...

I'm still concerned of SN just ruining my stomach, organs and still remain alive...

But what will be, will be.

Hugs,