Venting Told my SO about my plans to CTB

[helicoptero]

Two days ago I told my SO about my plans and how hopeless I felt. It made him feel really sad and frustrated, I understand it's a hard pill to swallow but I didn't mean to put him in pain.
He eventually came into terms with it. He didn't agree with my decision but respected it.

The thing is he, indirectly, made me reconsider my plans. But the worst part of it is that I thought my method (train) was safe and most likely would work, and I read a bit about it and noticed it wasn't as easy as I initially thought. That made me sad and even more hopeless.

I have mixed feelings. On one hand I want to stay for him, my family and my best friend... But on the other hand I can't handle this anymore. I don't want to depend on my parents or government subsidies my whole life, that sounds awful and I'd feel like a total burden (I feel like that already, but even more in that case). I feel I have nothing to contribute to society.

I'm incapable of getting out of bed, I'm always lacking energy to do even the most basic things. Something as simple as taking a 10 minute shower is absurdly tiring.

I feel I lost my cognitive capacities, my memory doesn't work properly and I don't have energy or motivation to do anything. I'm totally stuck and see no way out.

I don't know what to do. But I think I'll eventually CTB, maybe later than what I inteded, but I feel the end of my life is near. I don't know how to explain it, but it feel it.

It sucks so much to be on this situation. I feel I'm just postponing something that will happen even if I do my best to get better.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Telling someone else who's in most cases not understanding our decisions. itn't always a good idea. May I ask what / who is SO? Well train is a legal option to CTB but please consider the pain and suffering the driver and maybe passengers have to endure just for your sake. Besides that, a train must not me lethal immediately, many survive only losing limbs! There are way better methods to CTB but train, and yes, all of them are not easily accessible which makes it even harder for us who want to just leave this cruel and hostile world.

I can fully understand your desire to end this life and to reach the other side hoping for final freedom. I'm in a similar situation which stopsme somehow. But eventuelly we will find the strength to jump to the other side!

I wish you all the best!

 

[leftdreaming]

I always find it impressive when people talk about their plans to ctb, it isn't easy and you have to be very brave to do that. I'm sorry it turned out this way.

On a side note, the disappointment of learning your preferred method isn't so simple is a hard pill to swallow (which was hilariously my preferred approach, but swallowing pills isn't likely to kill me so there's that.)

 

[Someone123]

Train is a method with a high risk of surviving with missing limbs etc. Please research methods carefully to understand the risks.

 

[helicoptero]

Telling someone else who's in most cases not understanding our decisions. itn't always a good idea. May I ask what / who is SO? Well train is a legal option to CTB but please consider the pain and suffering the driver and maybe passengers have to endure just for your sake. Besides that, a train must not me lethal immediately, many survive only losing limbs! There are way better methods to CTB but train, and yes, all of them are not easily accessible which makes it even harder for us who want to just leave this cruel and hostile world.

I can fully understand your desire to end this life and to reach the other side hoping for final freedom. I'm in a similar situation which stopsme somehow. But eventuelly we will find the strength to jump to the other side!

I wish you all the best!

SO means significant other :)

Yes, I had that in mind and that's why my plan was to run into a tunnel so the rest of passengers wouldn't see the mess. But the driver would see it, that's inevitable in that case, and it also made me feel bad

I tried making some research about other methods but it's hard to get the things I need or a right place to do so. In my position the only methods I have are train or jumping, jumping requires a good place to do so, and people would see it :/ So at the moment I'm kinda screwed

I hope we eventually find peace, wish you all the best too<3

I always find it impressive when people talk about their plans to ctb, it isn't easy and you have to be very brave to do that. I'm sorry it turned out this way.

On a side note, the disappointment of learning your preferred method isn't so simple is a hard pill to swallow (which was hilariously my preferred approach, but swallowing pills isn't likely to kill me so there's that.)

Yes it totally sucks, it's incredibly hard to die when you want to.

Train is a method with a high risk of surviving with missing limbs etc. Please research methods carefully to understand the risks.

Yes that's what stopped me. It sucks that it's that way :(

 

[FuneralCry]

At least telling the other person didn't make existing much worse and lead to negative consequences like them trying to interfere. But it's true that suicide just isn't straightforward in this world which is why I envy those who manage to succeed despite this, it really should be easier to finally be free from everything. But anyway I wish you the best, it's certainly such a horrible world we exist in where people suffer all through no fault of their own.

 

[Readytogo246]

Sorry about the pain of indecision once you had gotten clearer. Take the time you need to really get sure about what you want.