Today might be the last day and night together with mum.

[depressedlover]

If you've been reading my threads maybe you've read my ctb plan and what i had planned before catching my direct bus.Meeting my mum for the last time was one of them,so we did and the first day it didn't go well because i broke down and she understood my emotions considering i'm grieving my love,but this wasn't 100% the reason,i felt sorry for her because she loves me and it will break her.It has been so hard being around her and pretending everything is fine.It was our final family union (Mum,bro and I).They'll miss me when i'm gone but they need to accept my wishes.I will write the longest and heartfelt letter to them,with detailed explanations,i just want them to let me go afterwards.
I'm still left with one bigger task in the plan that involves my love that i have to do here on earth before joining him wherever he is,it's the hardest and might delay my ctb but i'll try harder.Others are minor things that i can work on in one or two days.
This week would be perfect considering i would be alone in my room.Considering all the risks SN comes with.
Tbh of late i have been admiring all those who have gone using SN because that's what i want but can't do it until i finish my plans.Having SN and all the ingredients makes me feel lucky and also delayed but i'm hopeful i'll finish everything soon.
If i had come to this site before attempting using Diazepam,Amitriptyline ,Phenobarbital and Paracetamol 2 months ago,i'm sure i wouldn't have been in this pain,loneliness and sadness because i'd have ctbd and would be together.
In love i believed,in love i was,in love i still am, in love i cry,in love i wish,in love i long for you,in love i come to you.Our love is beyond this world.
I'm just a depressed lover,lost without her SO.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds really painful what you've had to go through but anyway I wish you the best, I envy those with the option of SN especially as it's becoming more and more restricted.

 

[depressedlover]

It sounds really painful what you've had to go through but anyway I wish you the best, I envy those with the option of SN especially as it's becoming more and more restricted.

Thanks,Tbh i really consider myself lucky to be in possession of SN considering how restricted it has become of late.It gives me the power of being in control of my existence when the time comes.

 

[glossble]

I'm sorry :c
I understand how you feel. I don't want to hurt my mom either, she thinks she has failed as a parent but that's not the truth. And I don't want her to think my ctb has something to do with her, so I'm gonna leave a long letter to her ♡

Whatever your decision will be, I hope you find peace in it. I wish you the best and a beautiful reunion with your SO. You and he deserve happiness. Sending u love
(づ˶•༝•˶)づ♡

 

[Humble]

It sounds really painful what you've had to go through but anyway I wish you the best, I envy those with the option of SN especially as it's becoming more and more restricted.

Sorry for this, but what's SN? I've seen so many people say it but I don't understand what it stands for :(

 

[FuneralCry]

Sorry for this, but what's SN? I've seen so many people say it but I don't understand what it stands for :(

It means Sodium Nitrite, it's a poison that people use to ctb with. There's detailed information about SN in the suicide resource compilation section.

 

[Humble]

It means Sodium Nitrite, it's a poison that people use to ctb with. There's detailed information about SN in the suicide resource compilation section.

thanks!