Today has to be the day

[Seekingawayout]

I think I figured out what I did wrong with partial yesterday. Now I'm just trying to calm my SI so I can go and do it. I have some rum, might have to take a couple shots of that after I get the anchor set up.
I really wish I could get the tourniquet to work again. I have virtually no SI doing that, only after I started to get dizzy which I think I could get through easier than partial. Oh well.

 

[Pentobarbital_Plz]

What'd you figure out was wrong? What's your set up?

 

[Seekingawayout]

Pashmina scarf, twisted into a sort of thick rope. Anchored to the clothes bar in my closet.
I have to stand kind of front of the anchor and lean forward, with the rope/scarf pretty short. I had it too long I think. Now I'm just sitting here, first shot of rum down trying to gain courage and trying to get these nervous shakes to calm down. I think it works best if you are calm.
Just FYI for anyone who cares, alcohol definitely dulls the nerves before CTB. I'm pretty relaxed now. Just trying to get the courage.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you manage to find the freedom that you wish for, best of luck.

 

[Seekingawayout]

I hope that you manage to find the freedom that you wish for, best of luck.

Thanks. I don't know why the courage is so hard to muster.

 

[MidnightDream]

No matter what happens, we're here :) It's not supposed to be easy, and that's okay.

 

[Seekingawayout]

No matter what happens, we're here :) It's not supposed to be easy, and that's okay.

Thanks. I really need this to happen, but I just can't for some reason. I was so ready last night, but the people I live with were up. Now they are asleep but I can't do it. I'm trying to take my mind off it now. Hopefully I can to a state of "f it" before they wake up. The rum helped relax me, but getting to the do it stage seems less urgent. Ugh.

 

[LeapOfFaith]

Thanks. I really need this to happen, but I just can't for some reason. I was so ready last night, but the people I live with were up. Now they are asleep but I can't do it. I'm trying to take my mind off it now. Hopefully I can to a state of "f it" before they wake up. The rum helped relax me, but getting to the do it stage seems less urgent. Ugh.

It is frustrating when you just want the pain to end..

Try to enjoy your rum in the meanwhile! What is it that you are drinking? I love some Dark rum "El Dorado 15 Years" is my favorite.

 

[Seekingawayout]

It is frustrating when you just want the pain to end..

Try to enjoy your rum in the meanwhile! What is it that you are drinking? I love some Dark rum "El Dorado 15 Years" is my favorite.

Bacardi. It's cheap. Lol
It helped at first. Now I just want to sleep. I want oblivion, and I know CTB is the best way to achieve that, but sleep is easier. I don't really drink much, so 3 shots in I'm just sleepy.

 

[Huntfish34]

Totally understand and relate to what you said... I feel it is ultimately my time to go today / ASAP as well; but still Can not muster the courage and strength to pull the fckn trigger. -

I suppose the whole courage / SI is just a part of our human nature and makeup to help us survive and fight another day? Damnnt I hate it, it sucks to say the Very Least.

Enjoy your rum if possible.. ( I have whiskey, beer, .... among other things to Try and help me on my way out)
Thoughts and prayers to you in Whatever may happen . - ♥

 

[Seekingawayout]

Totally understand and relate to what you said... I feel it is ultimately my time to go today / ASAP as well; but still Can not muster the courage and strength to pull the fckn trigger. -

I suppose the whole courage / SI is just a part of our human nature and makeup to help us survive and fight another day? Damnnt I hate it, it sucks to say the Very Least.

Enjoy your rum if possible.. ( I have whiskey, beer, .... among other things to Try and help me on my way out)
Thoughts and prayers to you in Whatever may happen . - ♥

I fell asleep. I'm not really a drinker, I should have stopped at 2 shots. Lol I always have the courage at night, for some reason. But those I live with stay up all night.

 

[bolt]

I fell asleep. I'm not really a drinker, I should have stopped at 2 shots. Lol I always have the courage at night, for some reason. But those I live with stay up all night.

always stop at two drinks....