To lose everything

[nextstepdeath]

To lose everything you could have had. To be told you can get something out of life by staying alive, even when you've lost everything, any kind of spark for life has been extinguished and you are told meaningless platitudes like 'the body changes in all sorts of ways' 'sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to get better' 'once you have gone down you can only go up' - sometimes you never stop going down. I live in a country where mental health services are guided and run by people who have no life experience and yet you are forced to put your life in their hands, you are forced to accept them pushing you into things that are a threat to your health and your life in external ways, I can't cope with the chaos, I hate the way I have spilled myself out in public, screaming and shouting in places and ways that have completely shattered my reputation and humiliated me as a human being where people are just laughing at me. I can't cope with my head, I feel like Casper, a friendly kid who died but is just a spirit seeing everyone around him trying to bring him back to life but it can't be done, I'm already dead

 

[Demian]

I'm already dead inside too. Very sad. I'm too scared to try ctb and survive again.

 

[nextstepdeath]

I'm already dead inside too. Very sad. I'm too scared to try ctb and survive again.

What happened? I tried once as well in 2022 and survived, can see myself trying again soon

 

[Demian]

What happened? I tried once as well in 2022 and survived, can see myself trying again soon

I took 21 grams of phenobarbital(2x the lethal dose) and 3 grams of morphine(5x the lethal dose). Now I have SN and I'm afraid to try again.

 

[nextstepdeath]

I took 21 grams of phenobarbital(2x the lethal dose) and 3 grams of morphine(5x the lethal dose). Now I have SN and I'm afraid to try again.

Wow ok and it didn't work? I have SN too, don't want to take it unless I feel sure

 

[Demian]

Wow ok and it didn't work? I have SN too, don't want to take it unless I feel sure

I was supposed to pass out in about five minutes, but it didn't happen. Then I panicked and called for help. After about 20 minutes I was in hospital and blacked out.

 

[hematomatema]

I was supposed to pass out in about five minutes, but it didn't happen. Then I panicked and called for help. After about 20 minutes I was in hospital and blacked out.

Do you think you would've died if you hadn't called and you didn't go to hospital? Just curious, I don't intend on using pentobarbital and I don't have any morphine I can access ATM (tried using that my last attempt, so my parents have hidden it from me.)

 

[hereornot]

I understand well what it means.

I achieved my financial independence very early and lost everything by trying to help bad people in my family... now I'm here planning my departure while those who led me to this look for ways to benefit from everything bad that happens to me.

 

[Demian]

Do you think you would've died if you hadn't called and you didn't go to hospital? Just curious, I don't intend on using pentobarbital and I don't have any morphine I can access ATM (tried using that my last attempt, so my parents have hidden it from me.)

Absolutely. This is the closest method to Nembutal.

I understand well what it means.

I achieved my financial independence very early and lost everything by trying to help bad people in my family... now I'm here planning my departure while those who led me to this look for ways to benefit from everything bad that happens to me.

Oh my friend, I can feel some of your pain, but don't do it because of bad people. I've had many people go through something similar. Life is full of bad people, unfortunately. But you're not alone.