Venting Tired

[𝐘𝐨ñ𝐥𝐮]

Idk what to say... really i'v been trying, i really tried more times that i can remamber, but every time i just get worst, seems like god hates me or something like that, couse everything that i try to get betther just makes me get worst, like every time is the same, i start to like someone and they goes away, and that makes me hate myself, i hate my boddy, i hate my voice, i hate my personality, i just hate everything about me. If i show something to anyone and this person say something good for me in my head they are just liyng to make me feel better but if someone say something rude to me thats the end, i cant spot to think about that, i head hates me, everything i do is shit, im useless, and i just feels better when someone else does this for me. I think that i put all my spectations in someone else, like, i put in they back the responsability of love me, see me like a good person, and admire me, becuse i cant do that, i dont have any hability and if i have some in something thats not enougth to makes me feels good in it, like everything i do, for everyone that could be the coolest thing that they ever see but for me is nothing and i continue beeng a peace of shit. But over all i dont think that i want to get away of this pain, like, this feeling in some way conforts me, i feels like im protected, i feel warm inside, i feel good, not happy or something like that, i just feels that im on a warm blanket, protected from everything, and everyone, i spend my days hathing myself and hearing sed music, and i hate me even more when someone that i like goes away, but if you think im not a good person, so... I dont blame them