Tired

[arcadia]

i'm not too sure of what to write. i'm 18, turning 19 this march. i feel like i've died, both spiritually and physically. i mean, all i do is laze around as the days go by. i think about wanting to die frequently, and have been stopped time and time again. i sometimes think things can get better, but it always just ends up getting worse.
i've been getting dumber and dumber, it's like i'm sorta slowing down. i was incredibly bright only two years ago, i could articulate myself perfectly and i enjoyed school immensely. i don't know what happened. it all feels so meaningless, i have no direction. i don't know where to go, or who to talk to. no matter what, it feels like these struggles that i want to share aren't struggles at all. that i'm just really weak, and that i ought to be grateful for being gifted life. but what is the point of living a life like this? i can't feel anything. i've been rotting away for so long, it's driving me crazy. and yet i'm terrified of leaving. it's weird. i can barely think anymore

 

[artificial_ineptness]

I can relate with most of what you're saying, I'm also just rotting and usually lost. The only good thing about it is that it might be temporary and maybe you could figure something out and be back to your past self.

no matter what, it feels like these struggles that i want to share aren't struggles at all. that i'm just really weak

IMO, the things you're mentioning are nothing "simple". Struggling to think and feeling anhedonic is tough, even if some (many?) people might not understand. Or did you mean something else that you didn't mention?

 

[FuneralCry]

It really does sound so awful and tiring being trapped in that situation, I believe that it's true that so many in this world don't live instead they just exist, at least in my case it's certainly like that. But anyway, I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward. I do understand that it's so dreadful when what we go through just continues to get worse, the reality is that existing really can be torture.