This is no way to live

[Idontmatter]

Sorry- me again with a stupid and annoying venting post. I've decided to make another attempt in a few weeks. I'm not giving the date in case I wimp out. I am a wimp because I can't handle life. Laying in bed in the dark alone trying not to cry is no way to live. Constantly having thoughts of death in my head is no way to live. I'm to the point that I don't care who I disappoint. My decision to die is mine and mine alone and I'm set on that decision. I know it's a permanent solution and I'm glad it is. Im doing a hotel room again but the difference is I'm set on this, no second thoughts at all. Yes there are other treatments for depression and anxiety but I'm not even going to bother with them anymore. It's just more disappointment In finding out they don't work. I'd rather not exist anymore. Plus and this is going to sound really stupid but every time I see a guy better looking than I am, it makes me want to disappear. Yes I know it's stupid but it's just one of my many issues. I just can't anymore. Life is no longer worth living for me. If reincarnation exists maybe I'll have a better life in the next one. Who knows. Sorry for this long stupid post. I'm just a weak pathetic person. I wish I could be stronger but I'm not. I'm laying in bed thinking why stay longer than I need to. It's time for me to leave this life. People will grieve but they will eventually move on with their lives and I'll be just a fading memory. It's time to go. No more. Again sorry for my stupid post. I'm embarrassed that I'm still alive. I hate myself so fucking much. I'm a fucking idiot.

 

[farakini]

Venting and sharing your feelings is not stupid. Say whatever you want. That's what the forum is for. I'm happy you realized that the decision is yours….take as much time as you need. Death is inevitable, so even if you don't take action it'll happen either way. No more holding back tears….cry if u ever feel the need to. Suppressing your emotions only makes things worse. Don't be afraid to post about your feelings….this is a safe place for you and many of us are going through what your experiencing, so we're here to comfort each other. Post about whatever u want, whenever u want!!🗣

 

[makethepainstop]

Maybe you should cry and let out some of that pain you feel. Wish I could go to where you are. I'd hug you and hold you and let you cry on my shoulders. I wouldn't mind, really I don't. Perhaps having someone to listen to you would help. Much love to you from me in this part of the USA

 

[Zegers]

Plus and this is going to sound really stupid but every time I see a guy better looking than I am, it makes me want to disappear. Yes I know it's stupid but it's just one of my many issues

It doesn't sound stupid, it is probably due to serious lack of self-esteem over a long period of time and this society when if you are not popular or flashy you are thrown aside.

 

[Idontmatter]

Maybe you should cry and let out some of that pain you feel. Wish I could go to where you are. I'd hug you and hold you and let you cry on my shoulders. I wouldn't mind, really I don't. Perhaps having someone to listen to you would help. Much love to you from me in this part of the USA

I just want it all to be over. I'm thankful I live in the US as I was able to get sn easily. It's time to use it now. I hate sounding dramatic but it's time. Im very happy with my decision to end my own life.

 

[makethepainstop]

I just want it all to be over. I'm thankful I live in the US as I was able to get sn easily. It's time to use it now. I hate sounding dramatic but it's time. Im very happy with my decision to end my own life.

I ordered my SN last week, I hope to have it soon. Let no one dictate times and methods to us here. They do not know nor feel our unique species of pain. Love to you my brother or sister. (Insert hard 3 minute hug here).

 

[Idontmatter]

And there won't be any talking me out of my decision. This is the most certain I've ever been on a decision. Hell I would do it sooner if I had the time alone and could do it at home.

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings of wanting to leave are understandable, this existence can be both cruel and painful with no real relief from suffering. I know that it can be so dreadful having to carry on existing when all that you want is to be gone. It's all very tiring. I wish you freedom.