
succor
tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down
- Oct 28, 2020
- 103
Along with a whole host of physical disabilities, I also get cluster migraines. They come in batches that last for days at a time, and then they go away for maybe a week if I'm lucky, but they always come back. Even my emergency abortive medications don't always work, like today.
I don't know how much longer I can stand the chronic pain. The migraines render me absolutely useless, I can't see out of one of my eyes, half of my face feels paralyzed, my speech gets fucked up, the half of my body that the migraine is on feels sluggish and heavy and is hard to control, it ruins everything. I was supposed to have a CT scan today and had to reschedule for the second time this week because I keep falling ill/not being able to leave bed from pain.
I feel so useless and hopeless. I've been to so many doctors, they've tried so many things for my pain but none of it ever goes away. I got my MMJ card but I have to wait to go to a dispensary and I can't take pain pills because I have aggressive liver disease. It's like my entire body is trying to just give up and I'm right along with it, honestly.
Sorry. I just needed to vent this. The onset of my illnesses/injuries was the beginning of the end for me. Now it's just a matter of how long I can possibly last before it wears me down enough to CTB. I'm currently bundled up in my bed and my partner is trying to take care of me, he brings me drinks and ice packs and heating pads and feeds me when I'm useless like this and it makes me feel so guilty. He works all day just to babysit me afterward. He never complains but I feel like his life would be so much better if he didn't have to worry about me anymore.
I don't know. I'm not thinking quite straight because of the migraine and all of the medications, this has become a ramble. I'm sorry.
I don't know how much longer I can stand the chronic pain. The migraines render me absolutely useless, I can't see out of one of my eyes, half of my face feels paralyzed, my speech gets fucked up, the half of my body that the migraine is on feels sluggish and heavy and is hard to control, it ruins everything. I was supposed to have a CT scan today and had to reschedule for the second time this week because I keep falling ill/not being able to leave bed from pain.
I feel so useless and hopeless. I've been to so many doctors, they've tried so many things for my pain but none of it ever goes away. I got my MMJ card but I have to wait to go to a dispensary and I can't take pain pills because I have aggressive liver disease. It's like my entire body is trying to just give up and I'm right along with it, honestly.
Sorry. I just needed to vent this. The onset of my illnesses/injuries was the beginning of the end for me. Now it's just a matter of how long I can possibly last before it wears me down enough to CTB. I'm currently bundled up in my bed and my partner is trying to take care of me, he brings me drinks and ice packs and heating pads and feeds me when I'm useless like this and it makes me feel so guilty. He works all day just to babysit me afterward. He never complains but I feel like his life would be so much better if he didn't have to worry about me anymore.
I don't know. I'm not thinking quite straight because of the migraine and all of the medications, this has become a ramble. I'm sorry.