Thinking of going in a few weeks now

[Idontmatter]

I'm thinking about booking a hotel room for a few weeks from now. I'm having a hard time and now after today even harder. I tried to make a friend but that blew up in my face. Was trying to wait till January but why bother. Yes death is final and im very happy with that. No more hurt, pain, anxiety. Just no more. I wanted to do it yesterday but it was to risky. If it goes as planned you all won't have to put up with me much longer. Im done with this life. If there is another life maybe it will be better. SI got me the first time but the way I feel right now si won't be an issue. Every time I look in the mirror I want to throw up at what I see. I definitely don't matter in this life. The quicker I leave the faster my family can move on with their lives. I feel bad my husband has to deal with me or even look at my ugly face.

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you're struggling. It sounds like your husband at least will miss you. Sorry it's come to this, best wishes whatever you decide

 

[FuneralCry]

I find the finality of death to be comforting, personally. The thought of everything ending is the only real relief. I understand that it's awful having to endure a life which is just constant misery and continues to get worse. I wish you freedom.

 

[Callie Arcale]

I went to a hotel a few years ago, when I had still the use of my legs. I couldn't go through with it. I'm such a fucking coward.

I ended up eating sweets and Pringles from the mini bar and having a panic attack.

I'm such a fucking disgrace.

 

[Idontmatter]

I went to a hotel a few years ago, when I had still the use of my legs. I couldn't go through with it. I'm such a fucking coward.

I ended up eating sweets and Pringles from the mini bar and having a panic attack.

I'm such a fucking disgrace.

I'm so sorry- si gets us all so you are definitely not a disgrace. I wish I had someone who would talk to me when I do it but I'm probably going to be alone. Looking forward to finally doing it though

 

[makethepainstop]

Si is a hard thing to fight with.