Venting Thinking of becoming a junkie

[Dead beat dad]

I mean not really, it's just that every day I feel like shit and it gets worse and worse.
They say what goes up must come down, but I really am not sure what I'm coming down from.
Peace friends
DBD

 

[Jean Améry]

Luckily I have no personal experience with addiction but I wouldn't go there if I were you. Sadly it can almost always get worse so I'm doing my very best to keep my level of depression and misery to a bearable level.

I can empathize with your frustration though: it's hard to live when one is at what seems like a continuous low with no end in sight.

 

[housecat]

Sometimes I feel tempted to try heroin. I know it's a bad idea, and I probably won't, but the thought still crosses my mind. To feel a high that distracts me from life, and to harm myself, plus I think the general public cares less when a user dies.

 

[netrezven]

if i had access to clear heroin, would smoke it without thinking. Really need to get high these days. And heroin is in my to-do list before the end, if i have any control over it.
From what i learned, heroin is really amazing. Take it ones and then you are addict for life. You may be strong and stop taking it, but you will always be willing to. All addictions from other drugs are like a joke compared to this. And it's always possible to overdose it.

 

[Jean Améry]

if i had access to clear heroin, would smoke it without thinking. Really need to get high these days. And heroin is in my to-do list before the end, if i have any control over it.
From what i learned, heroin is really amazing. Take it ones and then you are addict for life. You may be strong and stop taking it, but you will always be willing to. All addictions from other drugs are like a joke compared to this. And it's always possible to overdose it.

I would save heroin for when you're absolutely certain you're going to die. No matter how great the high it's not worth becoming a slave to it.

If you must do drugs i'd try ketamine as it's supposed to instantly take away depression. I'm quite temped to try it myself but I'm weary about the chance of becoming addicted and acquiring additional problems. I believe mental issues are what drives addiction and not the substance in and of itself.

 

[Onomotopoeia]

I have wondered if anyone else had thoughts like this.

I often think I would like to be a junkie, not really because I would like it

I have come close enough on that slope with other drugs that I know in the end the high is not really worth it.

Except, sometimes it is worth it. I enjoy drugs or rather enjoyed I do not know how to get drugs anymore so that puts a damper on my ability to be a junkie.

Still, I felt this. I think a journey through addiction would be a terrible thing in the end, but the moments of bliss in between would be something for me. If I could be sure addiction would be the catalyst I needed I would do it, but I cant be sure that is after all why I am still here.

To much uncertainty

 

[Endless]

Heroin feels like the warmest, most comforting hug. It makes everything In the world feel OK. But yes, also terribly addictive.

 

[Memento Mori]

i love it while i hate it. but am not a junkie per se, not addicted but polytoxikoman with rare phases where i buy some stuff and consume it. its heaven but getting back to life without it is always hell, and im not even talking about withdrawal, i always avoided that. its only the weed that i dont want to miss, some people like cigarettes i like some fruity amnesia thats fine lol. depends on your character what will happen with you. there are more dangerous substances though, heroin, sometimes crystal, and if you feel really bad you may also fall for benzos right from the beginning, alcohol is a pain in the ass too. i call it the three deadly withdrawals: benzos,alcohol,ghb/gbl (deadly because of seizures epileptic episodes cramps etc)

you startet this thread with the intention of getting better, that wont work. the only thing you can do is you can pay time to feel better until youre out of money or sources, and then you have to pay twice. so its like youre gonna get beaten up when you stop buying shit, but not from the dealer - from your brain

i already dont enjoy life so im gonna take heroin when i know that ill ctb soon, to have some fun until i have no more money.

 

[lizinha]

I have an addiction with meth. and still ongoing. it's horrible. It's one of the reasons I'm going to kill myself.

 

[IronTusk]

I have an addiction with meth. and still ongoing. it's horrible. It's one of the reasons I'm going to kill myself.

Whats an addiction to a stimulant like?

 

[Final Escape]

I mean not really, it's just that every day I feel like shit and it gets worse and worse.
They say what goes up must come down, but I really am not sure what I'm coming down from.
Peace friends
DBD

Lol! Makes sense but I don't recommend unless u want shit to get way worse. Like jails, and homeless living.

 

[lizinha]

Whats an addiction to a stimulant like?

For me it numbed out every single problem that I had for a good 6 hours.(i snort it) After the 6 hour mark the extreme depression, low self-esstem, insomnia, anxiety, came back and i would get some aftermath psychosis this lasted the whole night. I lost a ton of weight. my apparence changed drastically. So did my behaviour which people informed me about. I pushed loved ones away. Everyone also gave up on me at this point.

 

[Final Escape]

For me it numbed out every single problem that I had for a good 6 hours. After the 6 hour mark the extreme depression, low self-esstem, anxiety, came back and i would get some aftermath psychosis this lasted the whole night. I lost a ton of weight. my apparence changed drastically. So did my behaviour which people informed me about. I pushed loved ones away. Everyone also gave up on me at this point.

For me amphetamines destroyed my whole life

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Whats an addiction to a stimulant like?

I have two roommates who have been addicted to that shit
I also grew up in a meth town
That shit will destroy your whole life and everything and everybody in it. A meth high is incredible. There's nothing else like it. You're invincible. You can do everything, stay awake for days, have sex or masturbate endlessly and still be aroused. You'll become great at everything, even the things you were bad at. But the come down, and the instant addiction is not worth the high. You want to die? Meth will make you want to live forever

 

[headinghome]

Sometimes I feel tempted to try heroin. I know it's a bad idea, and I probably won't, but the thought still crosses my mind. To feel a high that distracts me from life, and to harm myself, plus I think the general public cares less when a user dies.

Don't do it......why? I'm certainly not a pro lifer but why would you want to screw up your body… That would cause more devastation and torture than death ....I'll trade you my once perfectly functioning body and you can ruin it with drugs… And I'll take yours…

 

[chlorine]

I mean not really, it's just that every day I feel like shit and it gets worse and worse.
They say what goes up must come down, but I really am not sure what I'm coming down from.
Peace friends
DBD

I have the same thoughts. I want to die but before I try killing myself another and last time I'd like to try drugs and see if they can help me escape reality and forgetting my useless self and my pointless life. But I don't think it would work. Maybe trying non addictive drugs, or just like shrooms and stuff like that.

 

[Dead beat dad]

I don't particularly want to try drugs. I dabbled when I was a kid but the point is I feel like shit physically and emotionally every day. I have the low, so why not have the hight (although I'm sure the low is beyond my comprehension).
I want to make position on this super clear:
It is your life and your choice but I don't think anything good can come from drug use.
But the impression I get from a lot of people here (and I include myself in this), we don't exactly have great quality of life anyway, so; 'in for a penny...'
Peace and respect everyone
DBD

 

[Niko]

yeah I hear ya on this. I've 'dabbled' in opiates but never got too far with them, but yeah they definitely take the pain away for a little while, until they don't of course and then everything crushes back on you worse than before. if I were certain that this is really the end, then fuck yeah I'd be trying to get some right now, why wouldn't I?

but that's the thing, I'm not really truly sure this is the end or if I'm just in a 'low-place' right now. who knows? I could feel a lot better in a week than I do now and I'll go back to living my life without the thought of ctb bearing down on my mind. maybe things will turn out okay and maybe i'm just being a little down-in-the-dumps at the moment. maybe things aren't as bad as I think they are...

but if heroin or drugs were back into my picture then there's no chance things will work out again, no chance. for me, taking these drugs would basically be an act of effective submission to death, and honestly i'm just not ready to sign my life away and forever seal my fate.
it's a nice thought, and i'm obviously on this site for a reason lol, but if I'm going to ctb I want to be sure I'm making the right choice and that I've exhausted all alternatives. getting high would definitely cloud my judgement and I want to be 100% clear headed if I decide to do this, the most important decision of my life.

 

[Kennish]

I mean not really, it's just that every day I feel like shit and it gets worse and worse.
They say what goes up must come down, but I really am not sure what I'm coming down from.
Peace friends
DBD

I was a drug addict. Amphetamine and pot. Amphetamine for 5 years everyday. It was a party in my head. But most likely also fucked my head up more then it was. I should have stayed a drug addict. It would have been better to stay isolated and doing drugs alone without people. I kinda miss it.

 

[Lost Magic]

well when my time comes I will have enough drugs to make my passing more peaceful. Right now I just take the odd sleeping tablet at night. I mix it with cider (even though I am not supposed to).