Venting Thinking about ending it once again

[lithium00]

I've had about 3 therapist to which I've talked to for a longer period of time. No one was able to tell me what actually was wrong with me or help me. I got diagnosed with depression and they also gave me lots of different antidepressants but nothing ever worked. Two of my therapists told me that I wasn't trying hard enough. There was one therapist which I trusted a lot and she was also the first one to which I could somewhat talk about my trauma but she died. I'm tired to talk to people. I feel like I'm untreatable. There was no point in life where I had actual friends. I don't have the energy to do most daily tasks. I can't even do things that interest me anymore. The only time where I feel somewhat normal/calm is whilst taking drugs.
I feel like there's no point in living anymore. I'm a burden to society and I shouldn't have been born in the first place.