Venting there'll always be someone better than me

[beolle]

no matter how ready i am to give my all.
no matter how fast i'll forget my own needs in favor of you.
no matter how much about myself i'm willing to change.
no matter how i'll forgive anything you'll do.
no matter how patient and supportive i am.
no matter how positive and encouraging i can be.
no matter how perfect i can mask. still, there'll always be the one, who won't do all that and still will be better. guess i just don't deserve it. but it's fine - and it's not new, anyway. i wouldn't choose myself either.

 

[DutchMister1488]

I mean there will always be some one better then you even if you win gold some one elese will be better at something else then you

 

[alonely]

beautifully written. i can very much relate.

 

[beolle]

I mean there will always be some one better then you even if you win gold some one elese will be better at something else then you

true that.
but i'm not talking about achievements. i'm talking about personality traits / qualities. and it seems that no matter what i do the void shines through me anyway.

 

[todiefor]

I choose you

 

[beolle]

I choose you

eh? so kind of you, but you don't know me.

 

[todiefor]

Fair. I'm sorry you feel so undeserving, it sounds like you tried really hard but your efforts were not appreciated, I can relate, the world is cruel and heart breaking place :(

 

[beolle]

Fair. I'm sorry you feel so undeserving, it sounds like you tried really hard but your efforts were not appreciated, I can relate, the world is cruel and heart breaking place :(

(not directed at you in particular, just rambling, i appreciate you)

i don't think the world is "cruel" to me. it's not cruel to punish those who deserve punishment. my original vent wasn't filled with rage - just despair. i try, but at my core i don't deserve anything good. i try to compensate for it with all that "good" things i mentioned. but maybe i just shouldn't be here.