Help There ARE resources... I'm just too stubborn to take them. -_-

[never_take_my_heart]

My first thread which isn't labeled a "vent", haha...

The answer to my "problem" is to "just do it", of course...
Yeah, I guess I "don't want it enough", haha...

Well, let's just see what I end up writing...

One of my main issues is isolation/loneliness... And, to my luck, there's a local club where people gather around to do all sorts of activities together, from guided meditation to dancing classes, all for free. Perfect, "safe" socialization, no?

I've already attended a few times. Some were more successful than others, but, overall, I'm glad I did so.

Yet I still struggle with getting ready to go there.

I suppose my main issues are:

1) Distance. I need to catch a bus (haha...) to get there, and I feel vulnerable being outside of my "established" territory for a prolonged periods of time without someone trusted accompanying me.

2) Unpredictability of socialization. It's terrifying, not knowing how to respond "correctly", or, if I think of a way, too much time has already passed.

I pushed myself for too long during one of the visits, and ended up shutting down, sitting in the corner with my gaze focused to one point, soothing myself with repetitive hand movements.

Thankfully, the leader of the activity didn't make a big deal of out it and actually casually conversed with me without making me feel "rude" for not holding eye contact/sitting away from the group.

I'm deeply appreciative for that.

However, it was also a further proof that even small, "safe" social activities get "too much" too easily, and then I feel "trapped".

 

[never_take_my_heart]

Update on this situation, haha... I swallowed my fear/discomfort and ended up attending on my own, without a trusted companion.
It should be considered a "win", but, honestly, it felt so stressful and vulnerable to the point of tearing up, I almost wish I didn't go.

 

[InversedShadow]

Update on this situation, haha... I swallowed my fear/discomfort and ended up attending on my own, without a trusted companion.
It should be considered a "win", but, honestly, it felt so stressful and vulnerable to the point of tearing up, I almost wish I didn't go.

Damn, take your time when it comes to stuff like this, otherwise you might get some bad anxiety attacks, it's dangerous for you, and it's okay to take it easy and slow.
While Im personally not a fan of such clubs stuff, I did have some urges for sudden socialization with a bigger number of people and well.. while it certainly was an experience, I definietly wouldnt want to do it again, online socialization and just trusting one or two irls is enough for me :)
but if you think that you need such a socialization irl, in a club that is safe and you know nothing too bad can happen here, I wish you luck and strength with bearing with your own insecurities and overthinking! it's really tough, but once you get more comfortable with said environment and even more you find some new trusted companion you will look forward to whenever you go there, it might get visibly better.

 

[CTBsteve]

It sucks to say but it's really easy for us to get stuck in a cycle of not wanting to change or go out cause honestly change is scary. We know what helps us and what we have to do but sometimes it's easier to just not because we know what to expect when we isolate ourselves we're gonna hurt and it's gonna suck to be there but it's not risky. Sometimes it's gonna be scary but you gotta take that jump, idk if this came out right but I understand exactly how you feel. I think I'm going through a similar situation where I want to have those friends and socialization but it's hard to jump out of that bubble and meet others cause there's always the chance they can hurt you worse than you can yourself