Discussion The things that make you happy, does it make you want to hold on a little while longer?

[KTbear]

Pretty sure I won't miss anything, since I'll be dead. Today I was noticing that the only time I am smiling a real smile or laughing at something is when I am playing with my dog. It isn't enough to make me stay, but it is enough to make sure I find a good home for him before I do it.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

I used to watch the sunset on the railway before lockdown. Thats the kinda thing I like to do but because of the lockdown, I can't even do that! Ugh. Anyway when I go there I feel at peace and want to ctb even more. Here's a little pic..

even tho nobody cares its naisu

Cool pic! Looks like the railway near my place. Have you ever tried sitting up on one of those maintenance platforms when a freight train goes by? It's an awesome feeling, being so close to the rush of air, the roar of the train, and death.

 

[watereyes]

Cool pic! Looks like the railway near my place. Have you ever tried sitting up on one of those maintenance platforms when a freight train goes by? It's an awesome feeling, being so close to the rush of air, the roar of the train, and death.

hey wow this picture is old! i didnt remember i posted it here. yes i have. i also stood on the railway and a train came but i didnt notice till the last few seconds. its horn is the loudest thing i have ever heard

 

[little helpers]

not what makes me "happy", but things I find meaningful. I've not known what happiness is since 2014. fuck me, that sounds ancient. /s
but that doesn't buy me too much time, either. yeah I wanna finish reading the Anarchist FAQ and other essays and do a hot shot of dilaudid and learn all these thrash solos and……except I can't. I've yet to get my brain shut up on these things cuz that's its job. it thinks, any time that it's alive. but I'm just done with it. I'm not safe in this world. I can keep on babbling 'bout them "dreams and hopes" but I need safety, in death, over anything else.

I'm still hanging in there. I get fed a lil bit of safety each day through the needle in my veins. but I can't see either my existence or non-existence being meaningful. just being in lingo. waiting for it to finally crash down on me and topple over, one day. towards life or death. either works.