Venting The older you get, the more each attempt weighs

[DrowningWithin]

I've attempted many times throughout the years even in my teens.

I used to attempt over a girl I loved, but I realize now my life weighs much more. I face the burden of still wanting to leave but having an incredible family. A family that loves me deeply. The pain is so immense everyday, my guilt runs deep and it feels like there's no escape.

Maybe I am more aware of the damage I'll do, but it's so heavy that in itself feels an endless loop of guilt that threatens to make you throw up.

I almost envy those with nothing to lose, because in many aspects that is me too.
But if I really did have nothing to lose, this wouldn't be nearly as hard. I love my sister and my mom.

I love them so much and I only try to convince them that this isn't goodbye forever.

 

[alivefornow]

Understandable. I am also sticking around to spare everyone else pain, but deeply I wish they would understand how hard it is for me to heal, and that I'd rather escape.

 

[abcdefg789]

Understandable. I am also sticking around to spare everyone else pain, but deeply I wish they would understand how hard it is for me to heal, and that I'd rather escape.

absolutely this!!!!