Venting The noose isn't so bad

[John-Doe]

are you leaving today? im hoping to go with full suspension this week, i was planning on sunday but tonight seems so tempting...

 

[kingfool316]

no, this weekend probably. i'm doing partial. i hope you get what you want

 

[kingfool316]

UPDATE: I have now scheduled my hopefully last attempt at either sunday or monday, depending on the traffic. I really hope I get it right. If i succeed, thank you everybody on this site. I hope you all well

 

[kingfool316]

Check out where i'll be ctb. I'll be doing this tomorrow. Planned on having a mini picnic here and just wait til some time before finally ending it. I can't think of a more beautiful spot to finally rest

 

[undo445]

Check out where i'll be ctb. I'll be doing this tomorrow. Planned on having a mini picnic here and just wait til some time before finally ending it. I can't think of a more beautiful spot to finally restView attachment 171552

Are you going to be hanging from a tree branch?

 

[Wolf Girl]

What a beautiful spot to exit. I hope you find whatever it is you seek.

 

[kingfool316]

Are you going to be hanging from a tree branch?

yup

 

[Ch4in3dcr0w]

thats one hell of a beautiful spot to CTB. I wish u luck and hope u will find the peace u were looking for. Have fun tomorrow on your picnic. Much love

 

[kingfool316]

UPDATE: I have to move it to wednesday. Apparently there is a praty near it tomorrow so I have to adjust. Oh well

 

[Hangman.]

Which type of rope are you using?

 

[kingfool316]

Update: today is the day. I am preping to go now and i am now really pushed to the edge. I have lied my last lies, and played my last games. Time for the curtain call
Here's my plan. I am just gonna hang out at a cafe and play with my laptop for the last time. Buy a burger combo for my last dinner. Then late afternoon, go to my spot. I'll bring my car, but i will leave it at a spot not too far from my spot. Have my mini picnic dinner at my spot while maybe also playing my laptop til it dies. Then do the deed. If i succeed, thank you all in this site for letting me vent out in ways i never really could in front of others without being judged
Here's my plan. I am just gonna hang out at a cafe and play with my laptop for the last time. Buy a burger combo for my last dinner. Then late afternoon, go to my spot. I'll bring my car, but i will leave it at a spot not too far from my spot. Have my mini picnic dinner at my spot while maybe also playing my laptop til it dies. Then do the deed. If i succeed, thank you all in this site for letting me vent out in ways i never really could in front of others without being judged

 

[kingfool316]

Hey guys, another update. See my car insurance expired a few days ago and now i really couldnt use my car but sill did. Now i'm here at my spot just listening to the stream's calming sounds. I really am a screw up. I have done nothing but made huge mistakes and became so passive in life that i really feel nothing anymore other than negativity. I am here now with a notebook and i am gonna write here everything i did wrong and hope that if a next life is actually real, that i do not want that. I just want swift release. Here right now just sitting, drinking some water, reading a novel for the last time. I am gonna leave a note on my pocket and leave my notebook out since i will write my last will for the very few things i have like my laptop and collectibles. I'm not even crying. I'm not even sad just tired. I'll write again before i ctb hopefully
Key note: it may take a few attempts to get it right so i will probably take 2 hours to ctb. I actually feel nothing abou this. I guess i ran out of gas and was just running on fumes

 

[Wolf Girl]

Are you still there, OP? We're here with you.

 

[kingfool316]

My phone is about to die. I will aoon be joining it.

 

[Wolf Girl]

My phone is about to die. I will aoon be joining it.

I wish you a peaceful exit. Good luck.

 

[kingfool316]

Guys... i .... just why? Why... my rope broke... i just

 

[INYGTRMTFMO]

Guys... i .... just why? Why... my rope broke... i just

The universe has a cruel sense of humor. I am so sorry that it has chosen you as the punchline today. Though I am glad that you are well enough to type. What game were you playing earlier?

 

[kingfool316]

Kingdom hearts 3. And yes, the universe was laughing like the joker. I wanted to shout, and i was pulling my hair. My throar hurts and now i had to hide all the letters i made
i was legit unconscious for 10 minutes. when I woke up, I saw my rope broken and i was lying on the ground face up. My head, neck and throat hurts and I was having a mental breakdown. I punched the air, pulled my hair, laughed like a lunatic. I broke down. I was so ready. I kneeled down, closed my eyes and listened to the water flow. It was peaceful but i woke up. If I'm lucky, I might die in my sleep due to some hemorraging or something. 10 minutes of hangging must have some effect

 

[claracatchingthebus]

Kingdom hearts 3. And yes, the universe was laughing like the joker. I wanted to shout, and i was pulling my hair. My throar hurts and now i had to hide all the letters i made
i was legit unconscious for 10 minutes. when I woke up, I saw my rope broken and i was lying on the ground face up. My head, neck and throat hurts and I was having a mental breakdown. I punched the air, pulled my hair, laughed like a lunatic. I broke down. I was so ready. I kneeled down, closed my eyes and listened to the water flow. It was peaceful but i woke up. If I'm lucky, I might die in my sleep due to some hemorraging or something. 10 minutes of hangging must have some effect

why have you wanted to die?

glad you are okay but sorry things have been difficult

 

[kingfool316]

why have you wanted to die?

glad you are okay but sorry things have been difficult

Because i amount to nothing but a piece of shit

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

Kingdom hearts 3. And yes, the universe was laughing like the joker. I wanted to shout, and i was pulling my hair. My throar hurts and now i had to hide all the letters i made
i was legit unconscious for 10 minutes. when I woke up, I saw my rope broken and i was lying on the ground face up. My head, neck and throat hurts and I was having a mental breakdown. I punched the air, pulled my hair, laughed like a lunatic. I broke down. I was so ready. I kneeled down, closed my eyes and listened to the water flow. It was peaceful but i woke up. If I'm lucky, I might die in my sleep due to some hemorraging or something. 10 minutes of hangging must have some effect

How do you know that you was unconscious for 10 minutes?

 

[kingfool316]

How do you know that you was unconscious for 10 minutes?

I looked at the time from my cellphone

 

[kingfool316]

Update: I bought a new rope. stronger this time. I will make another attempt after the pain in my throat is gone

 

[claracatchingthebus]

Because i amount to nothing but a piece of shit

lots of people haven't had great achievements in life

you don't have to mention what's going on in your situation. i always wonder when people post threads about an attempt why they are attempting.

sometimes people will mention they have a serious medical issue or have tried medication and therapy and nothing has helped, other times it seems like people have problems but they could get better possibly if they tried to work on things

you don't have to mention anything more about your situation if you don't want to do so

i'm sorry things have been painful for you

 

[kingfool316]

lots of people haven't had great achievements in life

you don't have to mention what's going on in your situation. i always wonder when people post threads about an attempt why they are attempting.

sometimes people will mention they have a serious medical issue or have tried medication and therapy and nothing has helped, other times it seems like people have problems but they could get better possibly if they tried to work on things

you don't have to mention anything more about your situation if you don't want to do so

i'm sorry things have been painful for you

we're all here for a whole bag of reasons. but we all share the thought of ending it by whatever means

 

[claracatchingthebus]

we're all here for a whole bag of reasons. but we all share the thought of ending it by whatever means

yeah, understand

i wish suicide were legal so that there were a process to go through. it would be better for everyone. some people could get help and the people who couldn't get help, who couldn't improve, would be able to pass in a much easier way, without it being some secretive thing people don't like

i am sure things have been awful if you are here.

 

[kingfool316]

damn it. My anxiety is already attacking me again. I am gonna attempt again maybe monday or tuesday. I was really ready to go that day but damn I have to fight SI again. I barely won that time

 

[shediedatsea]

damn it. My anxiety is already attacking me again. I am gonna attempt again maybe monday or tuesday. I was really ready to go that day but damn I have to fight SI again. I barely won that time

You can always change your mind, that will always be an option but i still hope that you find peace with whatever you decide for.

 

[claracatchingthebus]

damn it. My anxiety is already attacking me again. I am gonna attempt again maybe monday or tuesday. I was really ready to go that day but damn I have to fight SI again. I barely won that time

Sorry

You wrote about everything in September

I am sorry about your family.

Overly controlling parents during teenage years, when extreme, is often a form of emotional abuse because, although it's not illegal, it makes life terrible and feels so unfair

I dealt with a parent like that myself who did not let me do things like others. I couldn't call CPS and nothing was technically illegal, but it was awful.

People change careers in their 50s 40s... You could do it in your 30s and become a veterinarian. But I understand if it's no longer what you want.

I especially understand your parents on the one hand not letting you do things, then later going "Why aren't you seeing people?" I got a lot of that... Refusals to be allowed to do normal things combined with "Why aren't you being more normal?" It's beyond infuriating and frustrating.

I'm sorry for not searching, seeing back in September.

The world can be so awful sometimes. You could become a vet still, but it's up to you what you want to do.

Hope i didn't contribute to anxiety. Have a good day or evening wherever you are.