M
metfan647
Member
- Jun 12, 2025
- 37
Hi all,
Can anyone relate to this? I just had a car-crash interview which involved a presentation in front of a panel. It was truly awful. I have terrible social and performance anxiety so I prepared extensively and took Propanolol. Neither helped.
It got me thinking, why, if I claim to be so ready to check out, am I still looking to improve my quality of life? Am I fooling myself? Am I on here to look for excuses to not kill myself? Am I looking to connect with like-minded people rather than ctb?
On a conscious level, I want to die and these feelings are growing stronger, but I'm making very conscious decisions which contradict that desire. I suppose it's okay...dare I say, a good thing if I'm still trying to find some modicum of hope.
Can anyone relate to this? I just had a car-crash interview which involved a presentation in front of a panel. It was truly awful. I have terrible social and performance anxiety so I prepared extensively and took Propanolol. Neither helped.
It got me thinking, why, if I claim to be so ready to check out, am I still looking to improve my quality of life? Am I fooling myself? Am I on here to look for excuses to not kill myself? Am I looking to connect with like-minded people rather than ctb?
On a conscious level, I want to die and these feelings are growing stronger, but I'm making very conscious decisions which contradict that desire. I suppose it's okay...dare I say, a good thing if I'm still trying to find some modicum of hope.