Method the best thing i could do for my family is cbt.

[liz!!!!!]

all i do is cause them problems. i'm dead weight. they have to help me with more than they should. when my sisters were my age they had already moved out, and were becoming useful to society. all i ever do is fuck over them. if i weren't here to make their lives harder or be an eyesore i know they'd be happier. i don't even care about hurting anyone anymore. i know they'd get over it and ultimately move on with their lives, happier and healthier. i'm terrified of what comes after. and i don't even have a method that i wouldn't chicken out of or fuck up somehow. i wish i had a time machine to at least fix my mistakes, but i don't. so the only thing i can do is move forward. but i don't know how much moving forward i have left in me. i just need a way out. i don't care if it's selfish. I'll never amount to anything anyway.

 

[anywhere_else]

Hey. I recognise a lot of what you're saying in how I feel. I'm sorry you feel this way because I recognise that pain. I can't speak for you, but my biggest fear is dying with regrets and I regret not speaking up sometimes. Have you tried to tell your family how you feel? Is that even possible? I don't know your personal situation so I don't want to assume. Life has brought you here for a reason I guess.

 

[liz!!!!!]

Hey. I recognise a lot of what you're saying in how I feel. I'm sorry you feel this way because I recognise that pain. I can't speak for you, but my biggest fear is dying with regrets and I regret not speaking up sometimes. Have you tried to tell your family how you feel? Is that even possible? I don't know your personal situation so I don't want to assume. Life has brought you here for a reason I guess.

i don't know how to at this point. i really want to fix things with my sisters but i've messed up time and time again and they had to deal with it. i feel like if i tell them it's within their right to just say i should feel bad. if i mention wanting to cbt they'll definitely just say i won't. i'm just not cut out for this. even if things get fixed somehow i'll just do something else and end up in the same situation. i wish i could be better but if that's how things are i don't see a future.

 

[anywhere_else]

I'm sorry this is difficult. I guess the question is, if you feel things can't get worse then does it make a difference if you did speak up and they dismissed you? It's hard to know, I know. I don't want to get personal but it sounds like you have things you feel responsible for? Whether you really should or not is for you to decide I guess but, that could be a start. It's so ironic for someone planning to end their life very soon but I like to believe in the goodness and compassion of others, where I can.

I know you didn't come here looking for salvation, and I can't offer it if you were. But I'm here to listen for whatever that's worth :)