That Final Something

[Ligottian]

Do you ever wish that "something" would happen to make you finally do the dirty deed? I do.

 

[XdragonsoulX]

i do and don't at the same time, I do if what my paranoia tells me is true then I more than likely will do it soon, I try and try and hold on to hope but I know deep down my life was destined for this, I can delay it as long as I want, but I have a strong feeling it will be soon when I go. I have no strings left if what it says it's true just the silver lining that my rope still waits for me when I'm ready

 

[savory]

Yes actually. I contacted an ex last year for that reason though I wasn't fully conscious of it other than it being obviously self destructive. My one attempt at suicide was when we were together. I've never felt as desperate, worthless and insane as then. Fortunately or unfortunately I found out he got incarcerated before he could respond back.

Other than that I think a lot about triggering myself emotionally when I'm alone. Like forcing myself to destroy all of my childhood photos or forcing myself to focus on and remember past trauma. But, I'm afraid to be impulsively suicidal again because of the unpredictability and possible consequences. Not to mention it is very painful and frightening to be as emotionally dysregulated as I can get. Was nearly there in August, had a plan, and ended up making a goddamn therapy appointment

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I am the opposite. I want something to happen so I don't do it.

 

[TheHolySword]

Not right now, no. I need to survive until May of next year. After that, maybe. I guess I don't really want to be pushed over the edge though. I don't want my last moments to be about something negative, I don't want my last thoughts to be about the pain