Venting terrified for my parents

[dolphin]

I got into an argument with my mom today over something stupid and I wished that I could tell her that I was gonna die soon so we don't spend the last couple of weeks angry with each other. I'm going to destroy my family and I am crying 24/7 because of this but I am 100% going to die, this is a fucking nightmare

 

[Imgonnadie]

It is a very stressful thing to be seriously suicidal

 

[Asacschrader33]

I'm in the same boat. I have to ctb, there's no other option, and I feel terrible for my family. I wish there was some other way, but my life has become a Stephen king book.

 

[WinterIsComing]

Getting that feeling of leaving them sad is horrible even if I know they don't care about me.

 

[dolphin]

I'm in the same boat. I have to ctb, there's no other option, and I feel terrible for my family. I wish there was some other way, but my life has become a Stephen king book.

Lol, what has been going on in your life?

 

[Rex2019]

I got into an argument with my mom today over something stupid and I wished that I could tell her that I was gonna die soon so we don't spend the last couple of weeks angry with each other. I'm going to destroy my family and I am crying 24/7 because of this but I am 100% going to die, this is a fucking nightmare

living means that you will have arguments. that is normal. Just be quick to forgive and make up with her. We all die some day. You can't live each day on eggshells not wanting to get your mom upset. But that being said, you can always postpone your ctb. There is always another day. Since you care about your mom why don't you enjoy more time with her? what's the hurry to ctb?

 

[Scribble Fan]

I know, it's torture having the ones I love pop into my mind when planning my suicide. It makes me want to tear my eyeballs out... ok, maybe not literally, but still.

 

[lululoo]

I'm struggling a bit with guilt. I don't feel I owe it to my parents to stay alive, but they both tend toward depression so they probably won't cope well so I feel bad about that.

I also feel bad about a sibling who is starting a new job. I hope it doesn't mess it up for him but I just can't wait much longer I don't think.

 

[dolphin]

I'm struggling a bit with guilt. I don't feel I owe it to my parents to stay alive, but they both tend toward depression so they probably won't cope well so I feel bad about that.

I also feel bad about a sibling who is starting a new job. I hope it doesn't mess it up for him but I just can't wait much longer I don't think.

Both of my parents are already depressed. This is going to be a disaster but my need to CTB is too high.

 

[lululoo]

Both of my parents are already depressed. This is going to be a disaster but my need to CTB is too high.

Yeah mine are too, saying they "tend toward" it was an understatement.

I dunno, tonight though I do not feel bad. Honestly they fucked me over. I still don't want to wreck their lives, but I just can't fix this. I wish i had done it years ago and not lived these years of shame and indignity. I blame my emotional problems almost entirely on them, and some studies say that fibromyalgia may result from emotional trauma, so it's possible they are even to blame for that.

 

[dolphin]

Yeah mine are too, saying they "tend toward" it was an understatement.

I dunno, tonight though I do not feel bad. Honestly they fucked me over. I still don't want to wreck their lives, but I just can't fix this. I wish i had done it years ago and not lived these years of shame and indignity. I blame my emotional problems almost entirely on them, and some studies say that fibromyalgia may result from emotional trauma, so it's possible they are even to blame for that.

I'm sorry :( I had very loving parents which makes this all so much worse ... in a lot of pain right now

 

[lululoo]

I'm sorry :( I had very loving parents which makes this all so much worse ... in a lot of pain right now

I'm so sorry. I think you can help ease their pain by leaving a note that explains you did this due to your physical issues. Even if that's not the whole reason. You could still say that it is.

 

[dolphin]

I'm so sorry. I think you can help ease their pain by leaving a note that explains you did this due to your physical issues. Even if that's not the whole reason. You could still say that it is.

That's exactly what I'm doing ... just writing a brief note that states why I am physically in pain ... I guess that's the best I can do

 

[dolphin]

I hope my parents are offered support as soon as this happens :( I hope my psychiatrist will talk to them.