Teetering

[cedartree]

I'm struggling to decide on whether I want to live or die
Ive been in the psych ward too many times. My attempts aren't usually well thought out, and I don't have any reliable means of suicide that aren't violent. Violent suicide goes against my morals, it's too traumatizing for the people around to witness it (e.g. Jumping) and I live in Canada where it's very hard to get a gun. Hanging myself is something I've tried but I don't have the skill for.
I live with bipolar disorder, something that has high highs and even lower lows. When the high happens, my ego inflated like crazy and I often become psychotic. The things I do during this period hurts myself and those around me.
I don't want to live, but I also fear death. I'm thinking about recovery but I know that recovering cannot and will not get rid of my bipolar disorder.
I wonder what life has to offer me, but id doubt it's anything good.

 

[timf]

The subject of bipolar came up before. I think there is a Youtube video by English comedian Steven Fry where he interviews several people about their bipolar experiences. One gal was a physician who was able to start working again because she found some relief with omega 3 supplements. There was also some guy in England named Pete who had a series of videos about his bipolar where he had supplemented with Lithium Orotate as an effective management practice.

Youtube is a sort of clearinghouse where people who have done various experiments can share what they have found to work. Considering that the medical field has not investigated this as thoroughly as many would like, we are often let on our own to discover how to manage.