Let me introduce myself, I'm 18M from Turkey.
I have been diagnosed with PDD-NOS when I was 6, have received multiple psychiatric diagnoses over the years ranging from bipolar, adhd and autism, diagnosis always changed but the result stayed same; plus having to take multiple IQ tests because school mandated I was not normal and I was not fitting the class environment (mind you Turkey has no neurodivergent moves like Europe, or proper mental health support), The school believed I had some sort of intellectual disability and all schools I have went in requested IQ tests until high school, I always scored high average intelligence around 115 WISC-R. I still do not know what is exactly wrong with me, but I know I have something wrong with me, I have lost the genetic lottery possibly because my mother was in her late ages and gave birth too late at her 36th age (she was actually older than that when I was born but because her dad didn't want his daughter to be married early, he got her official registration way too late, possibly the real age of her is 38 or 37).
As result of my deviating behavior my teacher would beat me up in the school and assault me even though corporal punishment is illegal, nothing was done about him.
During my childhood my father would touch my private area, mother wouldn't intervene because apparently it's some stupid cultural thing where parents can touch private parts (this isn't something actually present in the country's culture, not sure where they have got that from and I live in a rural area because family broke asf)
I was born into wrong socioeconomic class, the screw up was from the mother she did came from a rich family, like originally very rich her father had a logistics company where they would take items and ship them back to turkey or ship out items also had a car dealership, that was decent business until her dad passed away in 1999 after severe pancreas cancer, his business went bankrupt because his sons looted the company and fled away.
My mother who grew up in luxurous lifestyle, with high revenue and multiple cars even a private driver, has never drove or owned a car for more than 20 years, she can't even buy a car because even shitboxes worth $2000 in other countries get bumped to $20000 with severe inflation, tax and other useless fees in Turkey making even owing a completely rusted up junk car from 98 worth fortunes.
She married the wrong guy, oh well. That's a sure way to ruin your life. He also cheated on her.
The politics do not help at all, as the government becomes more and more corrupt every day. The guy who runs the government is a close friend of Trump thanks to this they don't get sanctioned even though they are doing lots of immoral things lately.
Government order is really broken, bribing is more rampant than ever. It sucks to be a citizen of the world's refugee collecting camp (what a joke of country) because you are treated second, rich immigrants are first.
Because of bad financials I cannot move to a better country even if I did I would still be highly introverted, I have to get a job but I can't find a job because of the software development layoffs, so I started my own business but it isn't doing well. The fact that my capital is equivalent to someone's vacation money is really hurtful, imagine starting a business with $8000 yes that's that bad and I'm already at a loss. I'm working nonstop 16 hours a day doing mix of freelance work and long term projects and release them one by one in hope one brings some revenue, my businessplace the platform I used to find customers Discord was also blocked hampering my work, thankfully I got that sorted out without having to use VPN (VPNs can get Discord accounts falsely banned), I got a static IP from my ISP and moved to business plan rather than residential and it has the block removed.
I'm in pain, so much things, so much effort just to reach same level of wealth of what I could have been if I was in a better place and yet that doesn't give fulfillment to life.
I graduated high school with no friends this year, I had no friends for the entirety of k12 (they also use k12 here). Only friends I have are online. Parents do not make friends when one of them has abused me, my mother is only person I talk to irl but we have clashes frequently because I'm agnostic while she is deeply religious (wish I was born in the western part of country where most people don't give a damn about religion)
So many faceted issues, no solutions and all overloading me, perplexing me and struggling me.
I'm so tired off my existence, I feel like I'm barely living rather delaying the inevitable.
I have been diagnosed with PDD-NOS when I was 6, have received multiple psychiatric diagnoses over the years ranging from bipolar, adhd and autism, diagnosis always changed but the result stayed same; plus having to take multiple IQ tests because school mandated I was not normal and I was not fitting the class environment (mind you Turkey has no neurodivergent moves like Europe, or proper mental health support), The school believed I had some sort of intellectual disability and all schools I have went in requested IQ tests until high school, I always scored high average intelligence around 115 WISC-R. I still do not know what is exactly wrong with me, but I know I have something wrong with me, I have lost the genetic lottery possibly because my mother was in her late ages and gave birth too late at her 36th age (she was actually older than that when I was born but because her dad didn't want his daughter to be married early, he got her official registration way too late, possibly the real age of her is 38 or 37).
As result of my deviating behavior my teacher would beat me up in the school and assault me even though corporal punishment is illegal, nothing was done about him.
During my childhood my father would touch my private area, mother wouldn't intervene because apparently it's some stupid cultural thing where parents can touch private parts (this isn't something actually present in the country's culture, not sure where they have got that from and I live in a rural area because family broke asf)
I was born into wrong socioeconomic class, the screw up was from the mother she did came from a rich family, like originally very rich her father had a logistics company where they would take items and ship them back to turkey or ship out items also had a car dealership, that was decent business until her dad passed away in 1999 after severe pancreas cancer, his business went bankrupt because his sons looted the company and fled away.
My mother who grew up in luxurous lifestyle, with high revenue and multiple cars even a private driver, has never drove or owned a car for more than 20 years, she can't even buy a car because even shitboxes worth $2000 in other countries get bumped to $20000 with severe inflation, tax and other useless fees in Turkey making even owing a completely rusted up junk car from 98 worth fortunes.
She married the wrong guy, oh well. That's a sure way to ruin your life. He also cheated on her.
The politics do not help at all, as the government becomes more and more corrupt every day. The guy who runs the government is a close friend of Trump thanks to this they don't get sanctioned even though they are doing lots of immoral things lately.
Government order is really broken, bribing is more rampant than ever. It sucks to be a citizen of the world's refugee collecting camp (what a joke of country) because you are treated second, rich immigrants are first.
Because of bad financials I cannot move to a better country even if I did I would still be highly introverted, I have to get a job but I can't find a job because of the software development layoffs, so I started my own business but it isn't doing well. The fact that my capital is equivalent to someone's vacation money is really hurtful, imagine starting a business with $8000 yes that's that bad and I'm already at a loss. I'm working nonstop 16 hours a day doing mix of freelance work and long term projects and release them one by one in hope one brings some revenue, my businessplace the platform I used to find customers Discord was also blocked hampering my work, thankfully I got that sorted out without having to use VPN (VPNs can get Discord accounts falsely banned), I got a static IP from my ISP and moved to business plan rather than residential and it has the block removed.
I'm in pain, so much things, so much effort just to reach same level of wealth of what I could have been if I was in a better place and yet that doesn't give fulfillment to life.
I graduated high school with no friends this year, I had no friends for the entirety of k12 (they also use k12 here). Only friends I have are online. Parents do not make friends when one of them has abused me, my mother is only person I talk to irl but we have clashes frequently because I'm agnostic while she is deeply religious (wish I was born in the western part of country where most people don't give a damn about religion)
So many faceted issues, no solutions and all overloading me, perplexing me and struggling me.
I'm so tired off my existence, I feel like I'm barely living rather delaying the inevitable.
