Venting Stuck in limbo

[Skyyyfarer 26]

I don't know what I am doing these days. I am very clear on my decision to ctb but at the same time the methods I want are not available for me financially and also probably not available in my country either
But even if it were it's not like i could afford it. And I feel very strongly about this of not wanting to ctb outside of my preferred method. So i am just suffering each day without any particular goal or timeline. I am unemployed and have very little that I can afford but I somehow manage to live on it. I only have enough to afford one meal a day but I am okay with that too because outside of feeling hunger pangs i absolutely hate eating because everything tastes like mush to me. I don't want to do something that I don't want for some arbitrary goal when I don't wanna live in the first place.

 

[tabby]

I don't know what I am doing these days. I am very clear on my decision to ctb but at the same time the methods I want are not available for me financially and also probably not available in my country either
But even if it were it's not like i could afford it. And I feel very strongly about this of not wanting to ctb outside of my preferred method. So i am just suffering each day without any particular goal or timeline. I am unemployed and have very little that I can afford but I somehow manage to live on it. I only have enough to afford one meal a day but I am okay with that too because outside of feeling hunger pangs i absolutely hate eating because everything tastes like mush to me. I don't want to do something that I don't want for some arbitrary goal when I don't wanna live in the first place.

I know exactly what you mean, I'd recommend doing things you liked before you reached this point but we both know that doesn't work. I hope you reach happiness however you feel fit.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

Yes, this is where I am at. Can't afford a gun yet so I'm just drinking a ton and watching horror movies all day until I can scrounge up enough money.

 

[Mxverick]

What are your methods?

 

[Skyyyfarer 26]

Yes, this is where I am at. Can't afford a gun yet so I'm just drinking a ton and watching horror movies all day until I can scrounge up enough money.

Yes i also spend most of my days sleeping and watching a ton of shit

I know exactly what you mean, I'd recommend doing things you liked before you reached this point but we both know that doesn't work. I hope you reach happiness however you feel fit.

I agree,doing things we liked before is something people keep telling suicidal people but it didn't help me at all
I really liked going to the beach and maybe sit and read or draw but that was a long time ago
I tried doing that a couple of times following that advice but I just felt extremely uncomfortable out in a public place like that forcing myself to be there because when I did like doing that I was in school and lived a completely different life

 

[FuneralCry]

I get that it really can be so tiring feeling trapped here when you wish to be gone, I wish it's more straightforward to finally be free from this existence, I find it dreadful how suicide is purposely made so difficult. But anyway best wishes.