Stuck in a loop of despair

[BlockedintheUK]

I went on a date a couple weeks ago not expecting anything it went really really well but then I fucked it up. I'm so pissed off at myself for fucking it up for no good reason.

I could have at the very least have had sex with her as she was clearly into me but I just had to screw it up.

It's embarrassing to be suicidal over 1 stupid date but here I am and it's quite pathetic not the actions you would expect from a grown ass man

My brain just latches onto something and won't let go.

Even if I didn't fuck it up I would probably find a reason to be miserable sooner or late so ultimately it makes no difference.

If I hadn't screwed it up it would have been a nice break from my reality

I loathe myself why can't I have taken the golden opportunity without screwing up.

Why does dying have to be so complicated I just want a pill to put me to sleep.

I've got all the free time I could ever want all the money I could ever want it makes no difference.

It was so so unnecessary to screw it up like I did.

 

[insectontrial]

Honestly, I'm in my mid-twenties now, and I've never been in a relationship. I've accepted my life will probably end without me ever finding a partner. Being autistic gets in the way of that for me, too.

 

[BlockedintheUK]

If a relationship isn't right for you that's one thing but to have a golden opportunity and fuck it up for no reason like I did that just makes no sense to me I think its utter stupidity.

 

[Wojaczek]

happens to the best of us, try again.
i mean that in the nicest way possible btw, just..try again.

 

[BlockedintheUK]

happens to the best of us, try again.
i mean that in the nicest way possible btw, just..try again.

I know mate but I'm tired and even if I did succeed I'd find a way to be unhappy im sure. I think part of the upset is it seems so rare to meet a nice genuine girl thats not entitled.
Why cant I just be happy the date went well we kissed it was fun and even thought I messed it up its better than nothing but no I must obsess over it my mind wont let me forget it. As Dr house once said "im the most screwed up person in the world."
I wish I never met her then at least I wouldnt feel like this.

Its like I feel better not trying and getting nothing than trying and getting something which is fucked up.

 

[Dingusguy]

Dating is hard, and I've never found success but I think the best you can do is to not let it drag you down. Being left out or feeling like you were marked as insufficent feels awful, but the worst you can do it to give up after failing. "If at first you don't succeed try again" and all that.

I hope you keep trying and that it will work out, I really do

 

[Aflame5926]

dating is messed up these days. everybody has to high standerd. heck i even never got a real releationship. and im in my 30's.
but i agree on Woja. stop fucking yourself up

 

[Wojaczek]

I know mate but I'm tired and even if I did succeed I'd find a way to be unhappy im sure. I think part of the upset is it seems so rare to meet a nice genuine girl thats not entitled.
Why cant I just be happy the date went well we kissed it was fun and even thought I messed it up its better than nothing but no I must obsess over it my mind wont let me forget it. As Dr house once said "im the most screwed up person in the world."
I wish I never met her then at least I wouldnt feel like this.

Its like I feel better not trying and getting nothing than trying and getting something which is fucked up.

trust me, i've been there multiple times, it hurts of course but in the end it's just not that deep and there will be other chances.

also wtf, i'm currently watching house and you whip out a house quote, insane.

 

[BlockedintheUK]

Dating is hard, and I've never found success but I think the best you can do is to not let it drag you down. Being left out or feeling like you were marked as insufficent feels awful, but the worst you can do it to give up after failing. "If at first you don't succeed try again" and all that.

I hope you keep trying and that it will work out, I really do

I agree with you but honestly its get to the point where I simply dont care enough about anything to ever do anything.
I actually have a date with another girl setup tomorrow but honestly its just a rebound and I feel a bit shit about playing the girl like that if not even all that attracted to her.

Dating is hard, and I've never found success but I think the best you can do is to not let it drag you down. Being left out or feeling like you were marked as insufficent feels awful, but the worst you can do it to give up after failing. "If at first you don't succeed try again" and all that.

I hope you keep trying and that it will work out, I really do

Honestly if she didn't like me I wouldn't mind its the fact that she did like and I fucked it up that really annoys me to no end like there was absolutely no reason it couldnt have been great but I failed to escalate it which screwed it.