Staying alive for others.

[pauly369]

I dont have any friends or a partner, and the only family I have left is my Sister.
She is the only reason that I stay alive because if I ended my existence I know it would hurt her deeply.
Sometimes I wish she would just pass away peacefully in her sleep so that I could finally end my suffering.
I feel really guilty about feeling this way, yet I also think that it works both ways.
For instance is it cruel for her to expect me to endure my torment of mental illness that never gets any better ?
If someone has a pet that is suffering they do the right thing and let a vet put the poor creature out of its misery.
Why cant people do the same for humans ?

 

[(in)sane]

I understand you on such a deep level. I'm terrified because I know two people who are traumatised and depressed because their dads killed themselves… My mother still talks about the boy she knew who killed himself at 16, she's since been terrified of losing people and calls every single one of her 5 kids when she hears an ambulance pass by. The last thing I want is to cause other people harm. Sometimes I wish I was alone in this world so I could freely take my life.

 

[LAPD]

I really get you. The only two things right now that are keeping me alive are my parents. My brother CTB recently and it absolutely devastated them. I felt an obligation to keep myself together for their sake, just so they will not have to live the shame of two sons CTB. But I have recently been spiralling towards the inevitable.

I wish it were more socially acceptable to choose to die. I wish their was a service like Hospice for the suicidal that allowed us to die with dignity, without shame.

 

[TheHolySword]

I don't think it's cruel to want people you love to live. I think it's just human. But I understand your pain. I have multiple siblings and both my parents, along with a baby nephew. My friend group already experienced one CTB. I hate the thought of leaving them heartbroken for the rest of their lives. I just can't do this anymore.

 

[Jadeith]

That's exact reason why i'm still here. Others. Because i can't bring myself to go before my parents and push them into excruciating torment, even if the price is my own.
Also, i sired a life into this world and must ensure its survival into adulthood. So yes - these are my anchors to this world and yes, i dream of the time when i'm finally free.

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

I get you. The ONLY reasons I am still here is because of my partner.

They say other people should not be your reason for living, but he is the only thing that has given me enough of a reason to keep suffering. If he goes, I am out of here pretty much right after he leaves.

The worst part is because of my mental health, my emotions and feelings are visible. Audible. He knows I want to die. He knows he is the only thing keeping me alive and that fills me with soul crushing guilt and extreme insecurity.

Is he only staying with me so I don't ctb? Idk, I hope not. But I'll never know because he is my reason for being alive at all and he wants me to live. I feel like I'm trapping him which only makes me want to ctb even more.

 

[Halfhourdays]

Staying alive for others seems like a recipe for resentment to me. It just seems crazy to stick around solely because of the effect your absence will have on others with the exception of dependent children.

 

[pauly369]

Staying alive for others seems like a recipe for resentment to me. It just seems crazy to stick around solely because of the effect your absence will have on others with the exception of dependent children.

Yes, theres definately some truth in that.

 

[Ligottian]

I more or less stayed alive for my elderly parents. They are now both dead. I've said this before here. Just waiting for things to become unbearable.

 

[Foolishness]

Staying alive for others seems like a recipe for resentment to me. It just seems crazy to stick around solely because of the effect your absence will have on others with the exception of dependent children.

What you said is very true, but sometimes I feel like a bad person for not wanting to push through everything for those I care about.