Aesthetics change over time.
I'd also caution over too much age-regression. If you live in the past too much, you'll eventually regret that too.
I think you are too focused on the smaller details to see the bigger picture here. Aesthetics don't really matter if you want to kill yourself. A gruesome death doesn't fit into any aesthetic. It will just be painful and traumatizing. There will never be anything "aesthetic" about suicide - if it's something you want to pursue, you'll need to understand that.
I would advise you to seek mental health help, especially for the hallucinations. You are quite young, and it's best to get treatment for these things while they're still relatively new. I would also advise you to think about what in your life has made you so fixated on aesthetics - I don't think this is a healthy or helpful thing for you at this time.
