Venting Spouse found out my drug order from black market

[gardenhouse]

i'm not an addict, I'm just suicidal, i ordered a bromazolam because i want to create a potent formula of opioid + benzo & sleeping pill to cbt.

He opened the package and started questioning me what the pills are? Just wondering maybe next time i better send it to my work place, no one opens up personal parcel if delivered to where i work, any suggestions?

I suffer from debilitating hyperacusis & tinnitus and chronic insomnia, quality of life is zero, i explained to my spouse that life is not worth living anymore and i wanna stop suffering, I initially told him i wanted VAD in Switzerland, he rejected, he said he refused to see me dead, he rather sees me alive even though he knows i suffer everyday from this incurable medical condition. If you were my spouse, what would you do to me? Allow me to do VAD with dignity ? I know it's a big ask but isn't love all about not wanting to see the other one suffer even though it hurts to see one gone forever.

 

[Tautochrome]

I would have no say in the matter

 

[gardenhouse]

I would have no say in the matter

Not to send to workplace?

 

[SASU-KE]

he rejected, he said he refused to see me dead, he rather sees me alive even though he knows i suffer everyday from this incurable medical condition. If you were my spouse, what would you do to me? Allow me to do VAD with dignity ? I know it's a big ask but isn't love all about not wanting to see the other one suffer even though it hurts to see one gone forever.

Tinnitus alone is horrible, let alone your other conditions.
That's the problem with others. He should at least be able to put himself in your position and imagine life for a bit. If my partner was suffering, I would hug them and tell them that it's OK. Offer my support. Ask them to apply. My health is good but I have the same plan anytime that it starts to fail. No wasting money and time in hospitals. That's no life.

He's being selfish in my opinion. The right thing to do would be letting you apply, although it hurts him terribly.

 

[GALLONS]

He is your spouse. I do not blame him for this, completely normal reaction. There is no right or wrong here so you'll have to deal with it whichever way you see fit. Good luck.

 

[gardenhouse]

He is your spouse. I do not blame him for this, completely normal reaction. There is no right or wrong here so you'll have to deal with it whichever way you see fit. Good luck.

I understand, nobody wants to see the significant one gone forever, i wish he would change his mind and really understand that I'm suffering that life becomes uneasy, enjoyable, unlivable. If he was in ny position i would support him for VAD. Even though i would hurt me terribly. If he keeps refusing i'm just gonna OD Heath Ledger's way.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

i'm not an addict, I'm just suicidal, i ordered a bromazolam because i want to create a potent formula of opioid + benzo & sleeping pill to cbt.

He opened the package and started questioning me what the pills are? Just wondering maybe next time i better send it to my work place, no one opens up personal parcel if delivered to where i work, any suggestions?

I suffer from debilitating hyperacusis & tinnitus and chronic insomnia, quality of life is zero, i explained to my spouse that life is not worth living anymore and i wanna stop suffering, I initially told him i wanted VAD in Switzerland, he rejected, he said he refused to see me dead, he rather sees me alive even though he knows i suffer everyday from this incurable medical condition. If you were my spouse, what would you do to me? Allow me to do VAD with dignity ? I know it's a big ask but isn't love all about not wanting to see the other one suffer even though it hurts to see one gone forever.

Guesd you better... make him more conmpliant, first; before taking care of yourself

 

[gardenhouse]

Tinnitus alone is horrible, let alone your other conditions.
That's the problem with others. He should at least be able to put himself in your position and imagine life for a bit. If my partner was suffering, I would hug them and tell them that it's OK. Offer my support. Ask them to apply. My health is good but I have the same plan anytime that it starts to fail. No wasting money and time in hospitals. That's no life.

He's being selfish in my opinion. The right thing to do would be letting you apply, although it hurts him terribly.

We've seen some tinnitus sufferers here, i guess no one truly gets it how horrific chronic tinnitus is unless you're in the shoes of the sufferers. Nobody wants to die, but this medical condition really makes my life condition unbearable and unliveable and I can't continue living with this condition anymore.

 

[volo]

Yeah, send the stuff to your work.
Your spouse is selfish.
Since it is a benzo, you can tell your spouse you can use it to see if your tinnitus could improve while using it.

 

[gardenhouse]

Yeah, send the stuff to your work.
Your spouse is selfish.
Since it is a benzo, you can tell your spouse you can use it to see if your tinnitus could improve while using it.

Well…I understand that it's a normal reaction, and it's a huge ask. He said he will never marry again and fall in love ever again with another person, and who's gonna look after him when he is sick…not wrong, but i've really just had enough with this suffering.

Some say I'm selfish for wanting to just give up on them, but unless they were in my shoes, then they would understand.

 

[volo]

They should be understanding a bit more…

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

Well…I understand that it's a normal reaction, and it's a huge ask. He said he will never marry again and fall in love ever again with another person, and who's gonna look after him when he is sick…not wrong, but i've really just had enough with this suffering.

Some say I'm selfish for wanting to just give up on them, but unless they were in my shoes, then they would understand.

Have you considered taking him with you...?

 

[gardenhouse]

Have you considered taking him with you...?

He said, if i'm going, he is going too (not sure he's serious or not), which cannot be done through VAD because he's healthy, he doesn't have any medical condition which is unbearable or unlivable

They should be understanding a bit more…

Even if he agreed, I would have to inform my parents…holy hell…that would break their .

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

He said, if i'm going, he is going too (not sure he's serious or not), which cannot be done through VAD because he's healthy, he doesn't have any medical condition which is unbearable or unlivable

Well we are here so...