Discussion Splitting up from your family?

[tommyhalpinkelly]

Is this uncommon or not? Many people in society will say "but their family" however, their comes a time when you put up boundaries and say enough. Especially when you've gone through trauma and abuse.

Once I get a job and can live on my own, you just cut off all contact. I'm not a social person anyway so not have lost much. And the normies who say "how can you do that to your mother", she spent 8 months abroad without talking to me at all.

 

[LiveSlowDieFast]

I'm sorry they've been so shitty and neglectful. You should do what you feel is best for you. It's probably uncommon, but I think a lot of people who dislike their family just maintain really toxic relationships with them and that's no good at all. Once again, your own well-being is what matters most and so I can understand why'd you want to do that.

 

[worldexploder]

I feel ya man. I cut off all ties with my biomom a decade ago and haven't talked to anyone on her side of the family since I was a teenager. I haven't seen my dad since 2015. I been though a lot of abuse as a child too. Sorry you went though the same thing. I live with my aunt and uncle. When it comes to blood relatives, I only feel close to my aunt.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family made me think very differently about relationships. For example - just because someone is "blood" doesn't mean I feel close to them. To me blood doesn't matter. It's the bond between individuals that count.

 

[Roulette]

Can't miss 'em if they've given you nothing, and somehow they've ended up taking things away from you. It's best to do what you feel is right.
Cutting ties with my family is a dream, even if ctb is necessary to do that. Sigh

A lot of people are ~shocked~ that I refuse to meet my brother who estranged from the family when I was 5. I don't understand why, it's no different from a stranger. Blood ties is a garbage concept

 

[Swisher]

Is this uncommon or not? Many people in society will say "but their family" however, their comes a time when you put up boundaries and say enough. Especially when you've gone through trauma and abuse.

Once I get a job and can live on my own, you just cut off all contact. I'm not a social person anyway so not have lost much. And the normies who say "how can you do that to your mother", she spent 8 months abroad without talking to me at all.

I'm so disgusted with my family, I am truly alone. I've never felt such hideous pain from my own Mother. She keeps leaving messages. My heart is broken. It's unforgivable. All of them. You may be talking about finally leaving the nest. But I'm actually splitting up. I cannot bear it. Repugnant, filthy disgusting, Behavior.

 

[Rollo]

I made a more selective decision - I cut off all ties with my biological younger brother. In fact I consider him my enemy. My father is dead, if he wasn't I would probably cut all ties with him too. I didn't cut ties with my mother, I regulary communicate with her. However since back in the day when we were living together and I was already grown I made a very firm boundaries with her - I won't allow her to raise her voice at me and I won't allow her to ever tell me what to do. Including seemingly small things like her wanting to start the dishwasher and telling me 'bring in your plates'. I told her either tell me nothing at all or tell me 'I'm starting the dishwasher' and allow me some time to put my plates in or in case I won't just start the damn thing and I will take care of my plates later. And probably the first step I ever made in this direction was when I woke up one morning, went to kitchen, she was sitting there expecting me to greet her first, so when I didn't she was like 'why are you silent?' and I told her that I will greet her first only when I feel like it.

There was one of these mass shooters I don't remember who exactly - I read that he communicated with his mom living under the same roof only by email. Talk about overkill. To each his own though.

 

[Swisher]

I made a more selective decision - I cut off all ties with my biological younger brother. In fact I consider him my enemy. My father is dead, if he wasn't I would probably cut all ties with him too. I didn't cut ties with my mother, I regulary communicate with her. However since back in the day when we were living together and I was already grown I made a very firm boundaries with her - I won't allow her to raise her voice at me and I won't allow her to ever tell me what to do. Including seemingly small things like her wanting to start the dishwasher and telling me 'bring in your plates'. I told her either tell me nothing at all or tell me 'I'm starting the dishwasher' and allow me some time to put my plates in or in case I won't just start the damn thing and I will take care of my plates later. And probably the first step I ever made in this direction was when I woke up one morning, went to kitchen, she was sitting there expecting me to greet her first, so when I didn't she was like 'why are you silent?' and I told her that I will greet her first only when I feel like it.

There was one of these mass shooters I don't remember who exactly - I read that he communicated with his mom living under the same roof only by email. Talk about overkill. To each his own though.

REALLY? I left. It's so bad and I miss her terribly, but she has destroyed me. It also insane!!! You are living with her now!! Does she also blame you for the loss of forks. I'm a apparently a forkaholic.

 

[Rollo]

REALLY? I left. It's so bad and I miss her terribly, but she has destroyed me. It also insane!!! You are living with her now!! Does she also blame you for the loss of forks. I'm a apparently a forkaholic.

No I don't leave with her now, I'm at my own place. Still even back in the day when I was living with her, it was nice after a couple of years of firmly setting boundaries. No I don't remember her blaming me for lost forks.

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

Ugh...families...they can deteriorate so easily. (At least that's been my observations). Personally, I don't deserve my family, they're too kind to me, even if I've been triggered by them.

 

[Swisher]

Ugh...families...they can deteriorate so easily. (At least that's been my observations). Personally, I don't deserve my family, they're too kind to me, even if I've been triggered by them.

I thought I had the best thing going. Then...Overnight...Jerry Springer. I'm stopping this even if I have to wait

 

[Swisher]

No I don't leave with her now, I'm at my own place. Still even back in the day when I was living with her, it was nice after a couple of years of firmly setting boundaries. No I don't remember her blaming me for lost forks.

You probably took our forks. Denial equals guilt!

 

[Swisher]

Ugh...families...they can deteriorate so easily. (At least that's been my observations). Personally, I don't deserve my family, they're too kind to me, even if I've been triggered by them.

WEEPING...WHAT DO YOU MEAN? will you pm me...

 

[blindstatue]

F*ck those who say ''family is everything''.

Your family are those who you love and love you back, no questions asked. If you were born to a shitty family it's not your fault, and you should be able to cut ties with them without remorse.

I've been in this forum for a week and a half and if I had to choose between saving some of you and some stupid family members I know what I would do lol

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

I thought I had the best thing going. Then...Overnight...Jerry Springer. I'm stopping this even if I have to wait

Sorry to be such a Jerry Springer, Swisher :/

 

[MAIO]

Is this uncommon or not? Many people in society will say "but their family" however, their comes a time when you put up boundaries and say enough. Especially when you've gone through trauma and abuse.

Once I get a job and can live on my own, you just cut off all contact. I'm not a social person anyway so not have lost much. And the normies who say "how can you do that to your mother", she spent 8 months abroad without talking to me at all.

It's not as uncommon as you think and it's common for people to hardly ever talk to their family members, besides major holidays which may be a better option. There are certainly plenary disadvantages of cutting all contact. Do your parents have money? Will you be cut out of their will? Do the significant others you want to attract close to family etc. Would you enjoy spending the holidays with family etc.

 

[Threads]

I have my family sorted into who I want to see and spend time with.

I typically see the important people a couple times a month.
The semi-important people, on a bi-monthly basis.
I'll drop a phone call or two to the people family who I just can't see due to scheduling once or twice a month.

The rest (Majority) once every couple years. Fuck em.

Blood isn't a measurement of family.

 

[Rollo]

You probably took our forks. Denial equals guilt!

You got me. I had a couple of warehouses full of them. Made a fortune selling them to restaurants.

 

[weedoge]

I'm sorry they've been so shitty and neglectful. You should do what you feel is best for you. It's probably uncommon, but I think a lot of people who dislike their family just maintain really toxic relationships with them and that's no good at all. Once again, your own well-being is what matters most and so I can understand why'd you want to do that.

It can be pretty difficult, personally things are really bad with my mum but I also can't actually take care of myself, so we have this kind of toxic dependant relationship and I know things will crumble faster than ever when I leave, yet we both want me gone so it's a matter of time.

 

[Swisher]

Ugh...families...they can deteriorate so easily. (At least that's been my observations). Personally, I don't deserve my family, they're too kind to me, even if I've been triggered by them.

I wondered what this meant or what you meant....I was referring to this

 

[Swisher]

It can be pretty difficult, personally things are really bad with my mum but I also can't actually take care of myself, so we have this kind of toxic dependant relationship and I know things will crumble faster than ever when I leave, yet we both want me gone so it's a matter of time.

Can you tell me a bit or PM if you feel like it. I don't know why or what my family Dynamic is anymore lmI just don't know what to feel anymore I don't know what to do

 

[[NoName]]

Is this uncommon or not? Many people in society will say "but their family" however, their comes a time when you put up boundaries and say enough. Especially when you've gone through trauma and abuse.

Once I get a job and can live on my own, you just cut off all contact. I'm not a social person anyway so not have lost much. And the normies who say "how can you do that to your mother", she spent 8 months abroad without talking to me at all.

If they've abused you then it's totally ok to cut them from your life. If anything, that can be the healthiest thing to do. Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean they're automatically good for you.

People can easily admit that people can be super shitty, but when they're related to you you're suddenly supposed to be super lenient with them.

Nah.

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

I wondered what this meant or what you meant....I was referring to this

Oh, my family tries their best to be kind and accommodating to me, yet little things they say offhandedly send me into panic and 'guard up' mode. I feel that if it was someone else in my shoes, most likely everything would work out fine and there would be no problems.

 

[Trashcan]

There is one family member who I strongly dislike and I plant to cut them off if I'm still alive in a few years. There is another family member I have no problem with, but they don't seem to like me very much, so we'll see how that plays out. I'll definitely keep in contact with the rest.

 

[undertherainbow]

I visit my parents once a year, and even that is too much interaction.
I wish I had a family.

 

[Swisher]

There is one family member who I strongly dislike and I plant to cut them off if I'm still alive in a few years. There is another family member I have no problem with, but they don't seem to like me very much, so we'll see how that plays out. I'll definitely keep in contact with the rest.

I have never put up with so much crap. I've never had any trouble with my family other than just ignoring them but this time they interfered in a big way and it makes my life unlovable. What they did is illegal and I promise you I'll send every document to every judge and lawyer I can when I leave this place.

 

[Swisher]

I have never put up with so much crap. I've never had any trouble with my family other than just ignoring them but this time they interfered in a big way and it makes my life unlovable. What they did is illegal and I promise you I'll send every document to every judge and lawyer I can when I leave this place.

That's "unlivable"!!!

 

[stargazer]

Is this uncommon or not? Many people in society will say "but their family" however, their comes a time when you put up boundaries and say enough. Especially when you've gone through trauma and abuse.

Once I get a job and can live on my own, you just cut off all contact. I'm not a social person anyway so not have lost much. And the normies who say "how can you do that to your mother", she spent 8 months abroad without talking to me at all.

No, that basically sounds like me.

I feel like my family and I have grown apart or that we never really saw eye to eye on many things since the beginning. I just can't deal with them anymore and among other general tired of life and society reasons, and My health issues, I'm just over it all.

 

[Swisher]

I feel ya man. I cut off all ties with my biomom a decade ago and haven't talked to anyone on her side of the family since I was a teenager. I haven't seen my dad since 2015. I been though a lot of abuse as a child too. Sorry you went though the same thing. I live with my aunt and uncle. When it comes to blood relatives, I only feel close to my aunt.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family made me think very differently about relationships. For example - just because someone is "blood" doesn't mean I feel close to them. To me blood doesn't matter. It's the bond between individuals that count.

I thought everything was fine. My Mother and I had plans ( and attorney). And then behind my back, my family plotted and made plans to get me out. They took her from the house. No one said a word they just walked out with her. Basically they kept her telling her things that weren't true ..m it was if they put her in like a cult. she forgot everything we planned even though it's in writing and in a will my brothers and sisters don't even know exists. it's over for me. they've made me sick and just left me. while my mother slowly loses her mind from dementia...she forgets it all. The only thing I have is judges paperwork and attorneys on my side...I just don't want to fight anymore.

 

[Dor]

My family are good people, however I do have borderline traits and my perception of them is not stable, there was a period I didn't talk to them for 2 years... But just purely objectively they're decent people.

 

[worldexploder]

I thought everything was fine. My Mother and I had plans ( and attorney). And then behind my back, my family plotted and made plans to get me out. They took her from the house. No one said a word they just walked out with her. Basically they kept her telling her things that weren't true ..m it was if they put her in like a cult. she forgot everything we planned even though it's in writing and in a will my brothers and sisters don't even know exists. it's over for me. they've made me sick and just left me. while my mother slowly loses her mind from dementia...she forgets it all. The only thing I have is judges paperwork and attorneys on my side...I just don't want to fight anymore.

Damn I am so sorry to hear that hpapened! Abuse is so prevalent when it comes to people with dementia :(. I am sorry you gotta watch your mom go though that. Must be traumatic. I don't know why people behave like they do.