Spiraling

[badK9wolf]

I ruined my life. There's no way out of my situation. My SN source was taken down. And I have an interview in an hour I'm not at all prepared for. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

 

[FuneralCry]

I imagine it must be really dreadful and tiring to be trapped in that situation, but anyway I wish you all the best.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

How did you ruin your own life? Sometimes an outsiders perspective is important

Always prepare for the fact you may not kill yourself, or for something going wrong. There is always that chance. Even if you had the SN, and drank it, you could easily back out and call for help - it's important to have a back up in case things don't go to plan

 

[badK9wolf]

heh found out that my ADHD led to me just forgetting to file taxes for ... years. so now i owe the government ... a lot. and i can't afford a lawyer. so i'm a little screwed.

 

[badK9wolf]

I don't want to die! I just don't have another way out of this. I don't want to leave my people but life is not looking up and the past few months since I found out about this have been pure torture. I can't imagine having to live through the rest of this.

 

[nibbleone]

Don't choose a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

 

[badK9wolf]

It's not temporary, though! I'm in so much debt. I hate my job and I can't seem to get a new one because I'm trash at interviews. I fucked up on fucking taxes! I'll probably be audited. I'm being sued by my landlord over an unpaid water bill I didn't know about until last month. My relationship is trash. I'm a literal disappointment to my parents. I could have been so much more than this. I came from a good family with a good education and a great background. It never should have come to this. I don't think there's any way out of this.
Every day since I found out about this in May has been literal torture. But realistically I was trying to kill myself before that. I want to believe that things will get better than this but I don't have any hope anymore. I feel like I wasted all my potential and there's no coming back from this.
I just fucked up another phone screening and I'm fucking spiraling again. I wish so badly that any of this was temporary. But realistically it could take 10 years until I'm out of this tax mess, and that's ignoring everything else that is wrong in my life right now. I had so many chances to be better than this but I blew every opportunity and made so many bad choices and big mistakes. I just want so badly for this to be fixed and to be able to move on with my life but I really think that this is it. And it's so fucking sad that it's come to this. I can't stop crying about it because I don't know if I want to die but I don't see any other way out of this.
I just need one good thing to fucking happen to me to offset this pile of literal shit but no matter how much I hope and pray every single new thing that happens to me is somehow worse than the last.
But I can't even leave right now because my partner and I are being sued and I can't leave her alone to deal with that. At least that's what I keep telling myself. But the SN is coming soon so I guess I'll have an out when I'm able to use it.
I can't do this shit anymore.
I've failed maybe 30 interviews and screenings in the past year and can't seem to move past this. I HATE my job. I hate it so much. I hate my career field. But I can't think on my feet and respond to questions. I've even worked with coaches and it hasn't helped.
Would therapy help with any of this? Maybe help me with interviewing? Or maybe getting back on a medication for anxiety? I've lost out on so many good opportunities because of this.

 

[nibbleone]

I can relate. Wanna chat?

 

[Ashu]

Don't choose a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

So you're anti-suicide.

 

[badK9wolf]

I can relate. Wanna chat?

Yes definitely. I'll message you.

 

[Boojakk]

How much is your debt? You described as it seems to be around 1.000.000 USD. If your family or parents are fine, maybe they can borrow you money? It's Still better than your option with SN.
You want SN and leave your partner alone with this :// please...

 

[badK9wolf]

It's probably well over 150000 with tax debt and student loans combined

 

[Praestat_Mori]

If you've not filed tax returns they most likely estimated what you've earned and calculated the tax due according to it.

I would assume you must have earned several 100k in the past years to acrue such a high tax debt.

You should file correct tax returns. That should be possible, even afterwards. Contact your local tax authority.

 

[badK9wolf]

it's probably going to be like 50k when you factor in the fines and fees. I didn't earn enough unreported income for them to have filed a substitute for return for past years from what I gather. it honestly wouldn't be so bad but they stack on the penalties and interest rate.
yeah i'm going to file what i can from the past years. i couldn't do it immediately when i found out because i had to move states for work. i just want to get this over with i guess.

 

[Yarani]

Would therapy help with any of this? Maybe help me with interviewing? Or maybe getting back on a medication for anxiety? I've lost out on so many good opportunities because of this.

I used the services of a coach once who was specialized in this, meaning coaching application processes. She gave feedback on my cv and talked me through the most possible interview situations. I found it helpful and it gave me more confidence. Often those coaches are psychologists or similar, and they list application coaching in their services. Maybe that could be an option.
Approaching from several directions could be beneficial, like adding support through anxiety meds and therapy.

 

[Plentiful_Despair]

I'm so glad I never worked. Reading about all this shit that people go through every day makes me think I would've killed myself years ago, I'm constantly tortured by my own mind just sitting here in this dark room 24/7. I would probably get a legit psychotic break after 1 month of work and just shoot myself right there in the office.