Venting Someone has left me again and I am in the worst pain ever.

[Namelesa]

I hate my life so much. Nothing ever goes well ever! All I can do is scream in pain. Someone that has made me so happy from here has recently left me. I can't deal with more and more abandonment as that means I am not worthy of the thing that makes me happy. its all my fault again cus I wanted to impulsively attempt yesterday. I always do something bad when I am at my most intense pain. I should of never said I was going to do it or ever do it, especially as I have no idea if I will even succeed cus I can only access partial hanging that is so hard to do. I want to self-isolate so I never get close to people ever again but I desire too much. Its an addiction that I am never going to be free of. If I never got close to anyone I would free to be okay as a loner but now I will suffer with constant withdrawal. I crave love, praise and to be used so much its torturing me when I don't have it. I always going to suffer no matter what I do.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SOMEONE KILL ME OR LOVE ME PLEASE. MURDER ME OR TAKE ME AND LOOK AFTER PLEASE. i CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS.

 

[ForestGhost]

I know it's not worth much but I see your pain. Hugs.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

It hurts like hell. It's unfair. It only makes you feel like it's definitely not worth going through this all if life's just gonna keep denying you that basic and beautiful connection others seem to be able to get just because. I don't what to tell you, every night I ask God the same thing, to either bring her back or end me. But nobody listens. If anything, and I know it doesn't change reality, being honest with someone about something so sensitive isn't a bad thing.

 

[shroomia]

I feel similar to you. My heart aches for connection and love but my brain wants to die. I keep getting into new relationships and making new friends and it hurts me so much to know I will hurt them so much one day. Part of me really wants to just isolate myself, push people away from me, so that when the day comes I hopefully won't hurt as many people. Sometimes I think about just destroying myself as much as possible so that hopefully everyone will leave me. But all that is wishful thinking. My death will always hurt someone and my heart yearns for love and connection.

 

[Namelesa]

Everyone may say they love me but nobody actually likes me. I am worthless and can never get what I want. Nobody actually cares. If I do one wrong thing which I didn't even know of cus I am in too much mental pain to think properly, I get left. I don't know how to balance my own needs and wants with others. I am right in just being a tool cus I am immediately discarded for not doing the right thing. I am obviously the one in the wrong and evil for this happening again and again. kill me please. or someone just take me and look after me. I just a stray puppy that is desperate for affection.

 

[Namelesa]

God why did i even mention about me attempting? I can't kill myself with partial hanging. I am trying it again but on the door and this is too painful. I can't do this. I am too weak to be able to kill myself with a method i can go back from.

If I didn't mention it, I would still have them. Why did they leave me? I decided to not attempt yesterday for you cus you didn't like how sudden it was and then you leave me? Just cus you feel responsible for me continuing my suffering? You are causing way more pain to me by leaving me who can only access a very hard method to do that is impossible for me to even do cus it hurts so much cus I am so physically sensitive.

 

[deadbidaylight]

I'm really sorry that this has happened to you time and time again. I just want you to know that we are all human, and we all make mistakes, and that doesn't make us bad people or unworthy of love, affection and validation. Every one of us here is damaged, tormented and vulnerable or we wouldn't have found ourselves here.

You need to know that this person leaving you isn't your fault. You were spiraling and needed support. Some people are equipped to handle a situation like that, and some aren't, and some can but maybe weren't in the right mindframe to handle it at the time. It could be a number of different factors. One thing I can guarantee though is that it is absolutely untrue that you are an evil person or unworthy of support.

I know nothing I say can take away the feeling of abandonment you're feeling right now, but I promise you that it doesn't have to be this way forever. It won't be this way forever. It hurts like hell right now, but it won't forever. If you need someone to lean on, please dm me. I won't leave you if you need someone. You are not alone.