Venting someone else does this?

[smallcow4rd]

When I have okay-ish days I seek ways to remind myself that the world sucks and I suck. Seeing the news on twitter and the scum of earth on there, feeling frustrated and miserable and somehow getting off of it, finding reasons to sh a little or to find motivation to actually try my method.

since my coping is getting distracted and laughing things off I can mask very easily and ive done it all my life but ultimately I want to prolong the sadness so I ctb out of impulse, forgetting my friends and family and centering that Im an horrible person and I have to leave quick because this world is not one where I want to live in anymore.

I do wish to know if anyone else does this...please ?

 

[anonymage]

Creo que me pasa lo mismo. No sé si es una forma de autosabotaje o qué, pero sí, he guardado algunos hilos pesimistas de Wizardchan en mi teléfono para leerlos.
También estoy leyendo sobre existencialismo, nihilismo y realismo capitalista; quiero racionalizar mi depresión.

norteI don't want to feel better, I just want to die

 

[Wisp_]

yeah I get you like I'll purposely try to make myself spiral more by putting on sad music or looking at things I know will ruin my mood things to basically prolong my sadness. I've been in this in between state of wanting to ctb and thinking maybe its not too bad but I want to get back to the worst point in my life so I can really do it and stop being scared. Idk I feel fake in a way because I'm not always upset and can still have fun with my friends but like the thoughts are always there and damper everything until im alone late at night and everything just comes crashing down like for me when I started sh it was a way to cope but now its almost like proof that im hurting enough to feel this way?? so yeah dw I get u

 

[smallcow4rd]

Creo que me pasa lo mismo. No sé si es una forma de autosabotaje o qué, pero sí, he guardado algunos hilos pesimistas de Wizardchan en mi teléfono para leerlos.
También estoy leyendo sobre existencialismo, nihilismo y realismo capitalista; quiero racionalizar mi depresión.

norteI don't want to feel better, I just want to die

hola! si exacto hago lo mismo, pero ne ves de eso venteo demasiado en twitter para ver quien se burla de mi, quiero pelearme ahi y no se porque. Es absolutamente patético pero eso es lo que quiero. Es gracioso porque yo tengo miedo de que mis amigos me odien, pero al mismo tiempo desearía que lo hicieran para sentirme terrible y hacerme daño.

yeah I get you like I'll purposely try to make myself spiral more by putting on sad music or looking at things I know will ruin my mood things to basically prolong my sadness. I've been in this in between state of wanting to ctb and thinking maybe its not too bad but I want to get back to the worst point in my life so I can really do it and stop being scared. Idk I feel fake in a way because I'm not always upset and can still have fun with my friends but like the thoughts are always there and damper everything until im alone late at night and everything just comes crashing down like for me when I started sh it was a way to cope but now its almost like proof that im hurting enough to feel this way?? so yeah dw I get u

Yes exactly, im so glad someone else feels this way. Really I spiral very easily these days but I think its good because Im starting to kind of enjoy the whole sensation of feeling like absolute scum of the earth.

Im basically spiraling every night lol but not enough that I want to ctb