Venting So close

[uglyugly]

My cat is being incredibly clingy today. She will not leave my side. It seems like she has to be directly touching me at all times, either cuddling up with me, sitting on my lap, rubbing up against me, standing on my legs on the toilet no matter how many times I push her off (what is it with cats and getting on our legs while we pee). We just took a nap together with her in my arms under the blanket with me. Normally she hates having a blanket on her, and generally she prefers to sleep next to me, not on me. Maybe she can sense something is coming.

Cats know. They always know. Yours knows. I believe she is trying to comfort you.

 

[DoneWithThisLife]

I haven't interacted with you very often but have been following this thread since the beginning. I could cry so hard. From all your posts on many topics it is plainly obvious you are a kind, caring, compassionate, super intelligent person (plus double points for being a cat lover!). You have spent your life giving to others and it saddens me that no-one could find a way to help you. I genuinely do not want to see such a wonderful person leave this world, but I do understand why you need this. You will be sorely missed by a lot of users here. I sincerely hope that you find eternal peace. <3

 

[willitpass]

Horrible headache today, I think from the caffeine withdrawal but I don't know. I'm also very dehydrated, haven't eaten in 18 hours, and am shitting liquid from all the laxatives, so it could be a number of things. Something is going on electrolyte wise because my heart rate is irregular and keeps dipping slightly brady despite having had an energy drink a couple hours ago. It is running from 50-80, pretty up and down an erratic. Nasty palpitations too. Nearly passing out every time I stand up but haven't taken my blood pressure yet. Good signs for fucking my electrolytes enough for Sunday. I need to heavily restrict food and fluids until then to keep them as fucked as possible since I won't be taking any more laxatives.
I feel really unwell right now.

 

[willitpass]

I'm starting to get things packed up for the hotel.

 

[willitpass]

I'm fully cleaned out for the last time. Just confirming with a red drink now. The clarifying with a red drink is such a strange ritual I have now that I think about it. There's no need, but I always feel like it's not done until I check that way. Regardless, I can't say I'll miss this. I feel so shaky and cold and tired and sick. I'm ready to let go of this life that I make such hell for myself.
Horrible muscle spasms.
Tingly lips too now. I wonder if my calcium is low.

 

[Ethel]

I'm fully cleaned out for the last time. Just confirming with a red drink now. The clarifying with a red drink is such a strange ritual I have now that I think about it. There's no need, but I always feel like it's not done until I check that way. Regardless, I can't say I'll miss this. I feel so shaky and cold and tired and sick. I'm ready to let go of this life that I make such hell for myself.
Horrible muscle spasms.
Tingly lips too now. I wonder if my calcium is low

Rest in great peace

 

[willitpass]

Nauseous today. Not sure if it's anxiety or electrolyte imbalance or dehydration or what. Once again, probably a mix of things. Trying to work on writing more notes but I don't have it in me. As much as it hurts me to say I think most of my loved ones will have to get on without one.
I don't feel good.

 

[willitpass]

It's not fair how life deals out hands. I'm wasting so much potential because my mind is broken irreparably. So much I could make out of this life but I don't feel joy. I don't feel successful. I don't feel like I want to be here. I'm numb. I'm tearing myself apart like a scrap car from the inside out because my stupid fucking head tells me to. I'm a prisoner of war to my own mind. I could do so much if I wasn't so fucked up.
My body and mind are both so tired. My body feel so much older than it is. I've done so much damage to myself, especially these last 9 months. My body is exhausted. I'm exhausted. My light is so slowly being smothered. It feels like my life is winding to a hault. Not a crash. A slow decent into death.
I've become so mentally ready for Sunday that I don't know what I'm going to do if they don't have it ready at the pharmacy. I can't fathom having to make it another several days. Usually the delay is 3-5 days. I have become so set on this date I will loose my mind if it doesn't happen.