SN staring at me, I finally opened it. It’s happening.

[Creekalalia]

Nothings going to improve, i feel like shit and been feeling like shit for the past couple of months. Nothing is going to change. I went to therapy today and the therapist said I victimized myself for all the wrong things I've done. Can you imagine going back to college at 34? Lmfao. Get your first real job at 40? IF they hire you? I don't think so cupcake. The damage is done and there's no turning back. The pain will last forever. I know I need to be a little more kind to myself but I just can't. I ruined my life I wasted it. Nothings gonna get fixed by killing myself, but at least I won't be suffering.

My mom said I was born to ruin both my parents life, and she's probably right. I'm sorry mom, I'm truly sorry.

I didn't have the opportunity to go to college until I was 35. I Graduated 6 years later (had to work and school so took longer than traditional). I was nominated as Outstanding Senior of the Year with a 3.76 GPA from (am I allowed to say what University on here?) I'll just say it's one of the most prestigious in AZ. Three months after graduation, I was hired for the first job I interviewed for at the same University - and just in time to send my daughter there on the qualified tuition reduction (single mom). She just graduated last year and got hired within 6 months making MORE money than me. I'm not saying it was easy, it was hard - but I did have support from friends and family. I'm not trying to tell you that your feelings and despair are NOT valid or worthy. Even after all that, I too, feel just as desperate. I wish you only peace and love; however that comes for you. XoXo

Nothings going to improve, i feel like shit and been feeling like shit for the past couple of months. Nothing is going to change. I went to therapy today and the therapist said I victimized myself for all the wrong things I've done. Can you imagine going back to college at 34? Lmfao. Get your first real job at 40? IF they hire you? I don't think so cupcake. The damage is done and there's no turning back. The pain will last forever. I know I need to be a little more kind to myself but I just can't. I ruined my life I wasted it. Nothings gonna get fixed by killing myself, but at least I won't be suffering.

My mom said I was born to ruin both my parents life, and she's probably right. I'm sorry mom, I'm truly sorry.

My father was a piece of crap - abusive physically, mentally, and sexually - and he dies a horrible death of cancer when I was 22, and we were all glad. Parents should NEVER say the things to their children that your mother does. I'm so sorry that you are being treated that way. You are a beautiful soul and worthy of everything your heart desires, not matter your past mistakes.

I have a job, but it's a shitty ass, secretary job. I didn't exercise my career straight out of college due to stupidity and now I'm stuck with low wage humiliating jobs. I'm 33 and no one will hire me. I thought about going back to college but lol who am I kidding

May I ask a question? Do you sometimes dream at night about being in school, back in high school, etc.? I had the same recurring dream about twice a month for five years. It was always me sitting at a desk in a classroom surrounded by what appeared to be high school children. And I would wonder why I was back in high school. It was weird. Then after my divorce, I wasn't sure what to do with my life. I decided to go to college since I didn't have the opportunity when I was young (I was busy surviving). But at 35, I made it work somehow - and I haven't had another one of those dreams since.

I thought about doing a masters but I don't have the GPA for it, in my country the cheapest alternative would be college but it's five years. I also thought about certificates but I'm not sure they're powerful enough like a college degree. Either way I think it's too late, I want to go to a stem field in computer science but finishing at 40 my chances of getting hired are, slim to say the least

I think the chances for a job with a computer science degree are much, much, much higher than you might think. I think they are 100%. My degree is in conservation biology, and I found a great job. I'm not trying to talk you out of anything, but I think the people in your life may be making you feel worthless when I can promise that you are everything but. You are worthy and deserving of everything you desire. Whether that be to stay or go - you are equally worthy and will not nor should not be judged.

 

[Mustkeyknow]

I didn't have the opportunity to go to college until I was 35. I Graduated 6 years later (had to work and school so took longer than traditional). I was nominated as Outstanding Senior of the Year with a 3.76 GPA from (am I allowed to say what University on here?) I'll just say it's one of the most prestigious in AZ. Three months after graduation, I was hired for the first job I interviewed for at the same University - and just in time to send my daughter there on the qualified tuition reduction (single mom). She just graduated last year and got hired within 6 months making MORE money than me. I'm not saying it was easy, it was hard - but I did have support from friends and family. I'm not trying to tell you that your feelings and despair are NOT valid or worthy. Even after all that, I too, feel just as desperate. I wish you only peace and love; however that comes for you. XoXo



My father was a piece of crap - abusive physically, mentally, and sexually - and he dies a horrible death of cancer when I was 22, and we were all glad. Parents should NEVER say the things to their children that your mother does. I'm so sorry that you are being treated that way. You are a beautiful soul and worthy of everything your heart desires, not matter your past mistakes.



May I ask a question? Do you sometimes dream at night about being in school, back in high school, etc.? I had the same recurring dream about twice a month for five years. It was always me sitting at a desk in a classroom surrounded by what appeared to be high school children. And I would wonder why I was back in high school. It was weird. Then after my divorce, I wasn't sure what to do with my life. I decided to go to college since I didn't have the opportunity when I was young (I was busy surviving). But at 35, I made it work somehow - and I haven't had another one of those dreams since.



I think the chances for a job with a computer science degree are much, much, much higher than you might think. I think they are 100%. My degree is in conservation biology, and I found a great job. I'm not trying to talk you out of anything, but I think the people in your life may be making you feel worthless when I can promise that you are everything but. You are worthy and deserving of everything you desire. Whether that be to stay or go - you are equally worthy and will not nor should not be judged.

I'm sorry your father was a piece of shit, that crap never goes away. Both of my parents can be very verbally abusive, my mom will spew mean shit like that at times and I've learn to deal with her but lately I'm just not in the mood, after this coronavirus thing passes I hope I can get a place on my own. If I don't end up catching the bus by then.



it feels like everything is so lost, and I'm in a relationship with someone who's much more accomplished than me in the specific field I want to get into, so it just makes me feel worthless, to the point of suicide. I was told by a psychologist that relationships are like mirrors, so when I saw what I could be me in her if I hadn't fucked things up I couldn't handle it, and it's true and it drives me insane , i don't know if I'll be able to take it.



And omg yes I have the exact same dreams, of being in a classroom, I even dreamed of being back in elementary school as fucked up as that was, I think my subconscious is trying to tell me something.



I never in my life felt this lost, and I'm not even sure I'll make it to September when college starts, in the meantime, comments like yours really lift my mood, thank you.

 

[Creekalalia]

I'm sorry your father was a piece of shit, that crap never goes away. Both of my parents can be very verbally abusive, my mom will spew mean shit like that at times and I've learn to deal with her but lately I'm just not in the mood, after this coronavirus thing passes I hope I can get a place on my own. If I don't end up catching the bus by then.



it feels like everything is so lost, and I'm in a relationship with someone who's much more accomplished than me in the specific field I want to get into, so it just makes me feel worthless, to the point of suicide. I was told by a psychologist that relationships are like mirrors, so when I saw what I could be me in her if I hadn't fucked things up I couldn't handle it, and it's true and it drives me insane , i don't know if I'll be able to take it.



And omg yes I have the exact same dreams, of being in a classroom, I even dreamed of being back in elementary school as fucked up as that was, I think my subconscious is trying to tell me something.



I never in my life felt this lost, and I'm not even sure I'll make it to September when college starts, in the meantime, comments like yours really lift my mood, thank you.

OMG wow, yes I definitely think your higher self is telling you to go back to school!!! I hope you can hang on long enough to give it a try. I had SO MUCH fun going to college at 35. I am so happy that I did. I thought the younger kids would judge me and be mean, but it wasn't like that at all! They were so nice to me and appreciated me for my street knowledge and wisdom, which I'm sure you have as well. Especially when I was in classes with those in my major (other earth science geeks like myself). Age was not even a barrier in my friendships with those kids, and I still remain friends with many of them today. Please don't let your age be a roadblock in that dream. I do understand the depression and I do know what it feels like to not want to go another minute. I feel that way all the time, just not this particular day. And everyone who says "it will get better" is full of shit. Well, kind of. It does get better. And then it gets bad again. And then it gets better. And then bad again. It's a fucking roller coaster. I guess I've only managed to stay on this far by choosing to just grip with all my might and not let myself fall off, or, erm, throw myself off. ;)

I have achieved a lot of life goals though via my college career - and you will too, if you choose that route. Don't let anyone in your life determine your self worth and try to remember how valuable you REALLY are. A lot of my friends and co-workers tell me how wonderful and valuable I am, but I never believe them - until I stopped to think about it. When my friends tell me they don't think they are good at (X) or they feel ugly because (X); I can never imagine why they think that, because in my eyes they are perfect and beautiful. So when I am down I try and remember that the saying "we are are own best critics" really is true. I am a very nice person and I know why others care so much about me. When we are depressed, we don't typically remember that. And that's OK. But if you do stick around, things WILL get better. Then they'll get bad again though. LoL.

I think the people in your life saying harmful things is a huge obstacle for your self confidence and ability to keep trying. I had to distance myself from several friends and family members like that in order to get through. Did it suck? Yes. Does it still suck? Yes. But only sometimes. For the most part, I'm very glad I rid myself of those negative influences and drama. It helped a lot. If you want a virtual friend who seems to have a lot in common, I'm here for you. I'll be your huckleberry. ;)

 

[Busdriver]

Thank you, I'm just so frustrated with myself I can't breathe. I wish I had done things differently. I guess everyone on this forum feels the same way

i tried doing some courses online but I'm so upset with myself I can't concentrate, I just keep thinking all the what if's. And it is hard, very very hard. With my current mental state I'm not up for the challenge.

I'm sorry you're going through depression and insomnia, shit is debilitating as fuck. I hope you get better.

I meant computer science, i honestly don't know if it's the same thing, I'm not an engineer. But I know it's hard especially after everything I've been through. I tried to do some online courses and I just don't get it. I feel like I need college to have a teacher explain shit to me. It's s hard.

Man, I can relate to your internal struggle of 'doing computer science and life will work out' so much! It is indeed very hard. Harder than I thought and mental issues make it close to impossible to accomplish. I wanted to do software development, business intelligence, and Windows server courses of Microsoft, but it is very hard and you really have to love what you are doing and I was secretly hating it.. AS FUCK. These jobs can be very hard, very exhaustive, working overtime and nights unpaid and have a lot of responsibility.

Software development/Computer Science and other tech disciplines are often seen as the 'Holy Grail' of jobs and of a successful life, but I came to realize that there is only Holy Grail and that is N!

I afterwards learned I should never pursue courses/jobs anymore that I hate, because that is only going to make your mental state worse.
If you like computer science, but find it too hard at the moment, maybe you can check out the level 100 courses of Microsoft e.g. this? These courses are quite easy with written examination of multiple questions. You have several of these courses which cover (seperately) fundamentals of Windows server, C# programming, front-end, databases, networks etc.

Thank you, I hope you get better too.

 

[Creekalalia]

OMG wow, yes I definitely think your higher self is telling you to go back to school!!! I hope you can hang on long enough to give it a try. I had SO MUCH fun going to college at 35. I am so happy that I did. I thought the younger kids would judge me and be mean, but it wasn't like that at all! They were so nice to me and appreciated me for my street knowledge and wisdom, which I'm sure you have as well. Especially when I was in classes with those in my major (other earth science geeks like myself). Age was not even a barrier in my friendships with those kids, and I still remain friends with many of them today. Please don't let your age be a roadblock in that dream. I do understand the depression and I do know what it feels like to not want to go another minute. I feel that way all the time, just not this particular day. And everyone who says "it will get better" is full of shit. Well, kind of. It does get better. And then it gets bad again. And then it gets better. And then bad again. It's a fucking roller coaster. I guess I've only managed to stay on this far by choosing to just grip with all my might and not let myself fall off, or, erm, throw myself off. ;)

I have achieved a lot of life goals though via my college career - and you will too, if you choose that route. Don't let anyone in your life determine your self worth and try to remember how valuable you REALLY are. A lot of my friends and co-workers tell me how wonderful and valuable I am, but I never believe them - until I stopped to think about it. When my friends tell me they don't think they are good at (X) or they feel ugly because (X); I can never imagine why they think that, because in my eyes they are perfect and beautiful. So when I am down I try and remember that the saying "we are are own best critics" really is true. I am a very nice person and I know why others care so much about me. When we are depressed, we don't typically remember that. And that's OK. But if you do stick around, things WILL get better. Then they'll get bad again though. LoL.

I think the people in your life saying harmful things is a huge obstacle for your self confidence and ability to keep trying. I had to distance myself from several friends and family members like that in order to get through. Did it suck? Yes. Does it still suck? Yes. But only sometimes. For the most part, I'm very glad I rid myself of those negative influences and drama. It helped a lot. If you want a virtual friend who seems to have a lot in common, I'm here for you. I'll be your huckleberry. ;)

Or maybe you can just let your Mom know that when she says those things it hurts you to your core and ask if she could possibly stop saying negative and hurtful things, at least long enough to let you fucking breathe for a minute so that you can work on your goals to do something that someday maybe she'll be proud of and can stop spewing negativity at you.

 

[Quarky00]

i tried doing some courses online but I'm so upset with myself I can't concentrate, I just keep thinking all the what if's. And it is hard, very very hard. With my current mental state I'm not up for the challenge

So fix the first before ruling out the other ...

I tried to do some online courses and I just don't get it. I feel like I need college to have a teacher explain shit to me. It's s hard.

Not sure you'd get better treatment in college , like things will be explained better? No , but you will get more courses and subjects like expanded maths .. is that better ?

It seems like you're all over the place and first need to stabilize yourself I understand your distress and the shitty place your at , but if you manage to pull through this you can learn anything you want . You're currently stuck in a vicious depression loop . Its based on reality , which is complicated and cruel . But any plan you'd make will look bad ... And it will make more depressed . Etc . So first treat yourself (easier said than done) .

In this case 'career' is not the problem per se , but just another 'impossible hurdle' you face in your mind , like all others , and almost everything , because you consider yourself uncapable or incompetent etc . Even if you had a career path , you'd still view it that way

You're stuck in life , and that's a classic depression . You can rebuild yourself MENTALLY , I think . (You haven't shown evidence to the contrary;)

Kudos for trying though , taking the courses , and looking for a plan . You want to make those steps and pursue this future . But it's hard . Clear your head find a stable ground and do it


~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm in a relationship with someone who's much more accomplished than me in the specific field I want to get into, so it just makes me feel worthless, to the point of suicide

You keep repeating that point , not just with that someone , but with others . You're stuck by feeling worthless . Your parents make you feel that . Your friends . Your therapist . You're not .... Find a better therapist that can fix this . You're obsessed with this issue (rightly so perhaps , because people put you in this position .. you need to break free from your "jail cell" .. it's DOABLE!.. )

 

[Mustkeyknow]

OMG wow, yes I definitely think your higher self is telling you to go back to school!!! I hope you can hang on long enough to give it a try. I had SO MUCH fun going to college at 35. I am so happy that I did. I thought the younger kids would judge me and be mean, but it wasn't like that at all! They were so nice to me and appreciated me for my street knowledge and wisdom, which I'm sure you have as well. Especially when I was in classes with those in my major (other earth science geeks like myself). Age was not even a barrier in my friendships with those kids, and I still remain friends with many of them today. Please don't let your age be a roadblock in that dream. I do understand the depression and I do know what it feels like to not want to go another minute. I feel that way all the time, just not this particular day. And everyone who says "it will get better" is full of shit. Well, kind of. It does get better. And then it gets bad again. And then it gets better. And then bad again. It's a fucking roller coaster. I guess I've only managed to stay on this far by choosing to just grip with all my might and not let myself fall off, or, erm, throw myself off. ;)

I have achieved a lot of life goals though via my college career - and you will too, if you choose that route. Don't let anyone in your life determine your self worth and try to remember how valuable you REALLY are. A lot of my friends and co-workers tell me how wonderful and valuable I am, but I never believe them - until I stopped to think about it. When my friends tell me they don't think they are good at (X) or they feel ugly because (X); I can never imagine why they think that, because in my eyes they are perfect and beautiful. So when I am down I try and remember that the saying "we are are own best critics" really is true. I am a very nice person and I know why others care so much about me. When we are depressed, we don't typically remember that. And that's OK. But if you do stick around, things WILL get better. Then they'll get bad again though. LoL.

I think the people in your life saying harmful things is a huge obstacle for your self confidence and ability to keep trying. I had to distance myself from several friends and family members like that in order to get through. Did it suck? Yes. Does it still suck? Yes. But only sometimes. For the most part, I'm very glad I rid myself of those negative influences and drama. It helped a lot. If you want a virtual friend who seems to have a lot in common, I'm here for you. I'll be your huckleberry. ;)

Thank you it does look like we have a lot in common doesn't it, i already have a college education but i didn't get anything from it and to this day I regret it, i was like you too busy surviving to think about my future.

OMG wow, yes I definitely think your higher self is telling you to go back to school!!! I hope you can hang on long enough to give it a try. I had SO MUCH fun going to college at 35. I am so happy that I did. I thought the younger kids would judge me and be mean, but it wasn't like that at all! They were so nice to me and appreciated me for my street knowledge and wisdom, which I'm sure you have as well. Especially when I was in classes with those in my major (other earth science geeks like myself). Age was not even a barrier in my friendships with those kids, and I still remain friends with many of them today. Please don't let your age be a roadblock in that dream. I do understand the depression and I do know what it feels like to not want to go another minute. I feel that way all the time, just not this particular day. And everyone who says "it will get better" is full of shit. Well, kind of. It does get better. And then it gets bad again. And then it gets better. And then bad again. It's a fucking roller coaster. I guess I've only managed to stay on this far by choosing to just grip with all my might and not let myself fall off, or, erm, throw myself off. ;)

I have achieved a lot of life goals though via my college career - and you will too, if you choose that route. Don't let anyone in your life determine your self worth and try to remember how valuable you REALLY are. A lot of my friends and co-workers tell me how wonderful and valuable I am, but I never believe them - until I stopped to think about it. When my friends tell me they don't think they are good at (X) or they feel ugly because (X); I can never imagine why they think that, because in my eyes they are perfect and beautiful. So when I am down I try and remember that the saying "we are are own best critics" really is true. I am a very nice person and I know why others care so much about me. When we are depressed, we don't typically remember that. And that's OK. But if you do stick around, things WILL get better. Then they'll get bad again though. LoL.

I think the people in your life saying harmful things is a huge obstacle for your self confidence and ability to keep trying. I had to distance myself from several friends and family members like that in order to get through. Did it suck? Yes. Does it still suck? Yes. But only sometimes. For the most part, I'm very glad I rid myself of those negative influences and drama. It helped a lot. If you want a virtual friend who seems to have a lot in common, I'm here for you. I'll be your huckleberry. ;)

im glad you don't feel depressed today, I hope the good days continue for you. It's just so fucking hard, I thought quitting drugs and fixing my life was going to be easy and it's turning out to be such an impossible task at times. My self image, self worth and all of that are shattered, sometimes i think for good. I do agree we are our very own critics, and I'm being extremely awful and judgmental to myself but I can't help it. What can I say I will continue with the therapy and the meds, that's all I've got for the moment. It does look like we have a lot in common doesn't it, thank you for your lovely comments, you lift me up on this particular grey day for me.

So fix the first before ruling out the other ...


Not sure you'd get better treatment in college , like things will be explained better? No , but you will get more courses and subjects like expanded maths .. is that better ?

It seems like you're all over the place and first need to stabilize yourself I understand your distress and the shitty place your at , but if you manage to pull through this you can learn anything you want . You're currently stuck in a vicious depression loop . Its based on reality , which is complicated and cruel . But any plan you'd make will look bad ... And it will make more depressed . Etc . So first treat yourself (easier said than done) .

In this case 'career' is not the problem per se , but just another 'impossible hurdle' you face in your mind , like all others , and almost everything , because you consider yourself uncapable or incompetent etc . Even if you had a career path , you'd still view it that way

You're stuck in life , and that's a classic depression . You can rebuild yourself MENTALLY , I think . (You haven't shown evidence to the contrary;)

Kudos for trying though , taking the courses , and looking for a plan . You want to make those steps and pursue this future . But it's hard . Clear your head find a stable ground and do it


~~~~~~~~~~~


You keep repeating that point , not just with that someone , but with others . You're stuck by feeling worthless . Your parents make you feel that . Your friends . Your therapist . You're not .... Find a better therapist that can fix this . You're obsessed with this issue (rightly so perhaps , because people put you in this position .. you need to break free from your "jail cell" .. it's DOABLE!.. )

You're right I am in a loop, I'm just so angry with myself because had I started sooner I would have a totally different life, I can't forgive myself I don't even try I just want to kill myself out of spite. I will continue with the therapy and meds but it's just so fucking hard it's so exhausting it's maddening as fuck I wanna scream till I bleed. Thank you for your lovely comment though, I really appreciate it.

 

[mediocre]

Word of caution: this may not suit anxious/depressed/suicidal people
Forget about sick days , and when shit happens (corona) , good luck with that ...

However, despite spreading such awful pessimism (I'm honestly sorry for that!:) I'm not ruling out what you wrote , that was an insightful post , great ideas there

Could be true but I am actively suicidal and depressed yet this is still my dream to be self employed and use my design skills (self taught no college needed) to make a living online. I haven't quite figured it out yet

 

[Notabadguy]

Nothings going to improve, i feel like shit and been feeling like shit for the past couple of months. Nothing is going to change. I went to therapy today and the therapist said I victimized myself for all the wrong things I've done. Can you imagine going back to college at 34? Lmfao. Get your first real job at 40? IF they hire you? I don't think so cupcake. The damage is done and there's no turning back. The pain will last forever. I know I need to be a little more kind to myself but I just can't. I ruined my life I wasted it. Nothings gonna get fixed by killing myself, but at least I won't be suffering.

My mom said I was born to ruin both my parents life, and she's probably right. I'm sorry mom, I'm truly sorry.

I'm sorry you feel that way. I feel stuck too. I hope things improve for you if you decide that the time hasn't arrived yet. If you decide that it has, I wish you a peaceful journey (please do it righ, don't fail).

 

[Cashewmilk]

You're not a total loser trust me. I'm a total fucking loser. A complete utter failure in the life that society wants lmao. Fuck them I don't care anymore, I don't give a shit about becoming a mindless robot and a slave to the system, and a sheep. I could care less what robots and sheep think of me, they're all human garbage imo. I didn't even finish highschool dropped out in grade 10, I never got my driver's license I suck at driving I have extreme anxiety. I've had like 1 job that lasted over a year it was the shittiest low level CSR job ever. I'm a total fuckup compared to you. I'm almost 32 and I'm living in my mom's basement too. I'm a heroin addict, and a prostitute!

The things that I really care about are the simple things. Art, hobbies, nature, animals, insect watching, space, the stars, science, wonder, observations, sleeping! Dreaming. My dreams are like vivid movies. I have constant dreams about being in school again, my two old schools and old neighborhoods. The school kids, the bullies. I had a rough time in school, my first suicide attempt at 14, my family is utterly fucked and completely dysfunctional. I always dream about going to school, but wanting desperately to get away from it. I am always looking for a way out in my dreams. I skip my classes in my dreams, it's messed up. I'm traumatized from school, I could never go back. I'm an outcast, I'm broken, I'm not cut out for this world.
I have no interest in being like my peers, they're all fake and stupid. All their husbands are cheating on them with me, they come to see me and pay me for sex, fucking assholes. They've got kids at home and wives waiting. They all work nonstop like robots and spend all their hard earned money on junk, they go on "vacation" and stress out about the actual trip, then come back and do it all again. They post fake pics on social media to show off to their self absorbed friends. They're on the go nonstop. Everyone is in a rat race, everyone turns on blinders and lives in a fantasy land. I'm disgusted with society. Don't kill yourself because you can't be like them.

 

[Isittimetogonola]

I went back to college at 43 and became a paramedic. It is possible. Just didnt count on my other demons catching hold. But it is possible.

 

[Mustkeyknow]

I woke up even sadder lmao, oh almighty god. What happened to me. I just wanna go in peace. I just wanna sleep forever. :(

 

[Busdriver]

Life just sucks. We cannot software code our way out of this misery

 

[zherhk]

Will college give you access or is it necessary to obtain a job that you truly dream about?
If this is the issue, nowadays you can literally reinvent yourself, there are many things you could learn to master and achieve success with, without having the college paper.

 

[Mustkeyknow]

Will college give you access or is it necessary to obtain a job that you truly dream about?
If this is the issue, nowadays you can literally reinvent yourself, there are many things you could learn to master and achieve success with, without having the college paper.

I feel like no one would take me seriously without the college degree or the experience, and I have neither. I've tried those online courses but they're so hard, I feel like I need to start from scratch. I don't know.

Life just sucks. We cannot software code our way out of this misery

After everything that I've been through, I'm starting to believe this lol

 

[Donk]

I feel like no one would take me seriously without the college degree or the experience, and I have neither. I've tried those online courses but they're so hard, I feel like I need to start from scratch. I don't know.

After everything that I've been through, I'm starting to believe this lol

everything is hard in the beginning. Dont let it discourage you. you have to stick with it and not give up so easily. the key thing is find out what you really want to do. what is your passion? dont think about whether you will fail the course. focus on the learning experience.

 

[Final Escape]

Oh who cares if u ever have a job seriously. Nobody will have jobs in the coming months anyway. 90% of all jobs will be gone because the ruling class decided to fuck everybody over. Especially the middle class and poor.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

When I was at uni at 19 several of my friends on the course were 40 - 50. Didn't think anything of it. They got good career jobs after uni too.
Age can count against you but a good employer will see past any preconception. Someone willing to go back and study as a mature student is worth a lot to a good employer. Good employers do exist but ofc there are prejudiced ones too. And the world is moving on too, so there is that.

 

[zherhk]

I feel like no one would take me seriously without the college degree or the experience, and I have neither. I've tried those online courses but they're so hard, I feel like I need to start from scratch. I don't know.

Experience is achieved by doing, When you find something that you're passionate about, doesn't matter how hard it is.
I repeat there are a lot of ways nowadays to create a career from zero, even alone and without having to take the standard educational route. It's not easy, but doesn't mean isn't worth. You should take yourself seriously without thinking what you should do to be taken seriously.

 

[Crows]

Nothings going to improve, i feel like shit and been feeling like shit for the past couple of months. Nothing is going to change. I went to therapy today and the therapist said I victimized myself for all the wrong things I've done. Can you imagine going back to college at 34? Lmfao. Get your first real job at 40? IF they hire you? I don't think so cupcake. The damage is done and there's no turning back. The pain will last forever. I know I need to be a little more kind to myself but I just can't. I ruined my life I wasted it. Nothings gonna get fixed by killing myself, but at least I won't be suffering.

My mom said I was born to ruin both my parents life, and she's probably right. I'm sorry mom, I'm truly sorry.

Sounds like me

 

[Busdriver]

I feel like no one would take me seriously without the college degree or the experience, and I have neither. I've tried those online courses but they're so hard, I feel like I need to start from scratch. I don't know.

After everything that I've been through, I'm starting to believe this lol

These online Microsoft courses, I talked about earlier on, are entry level courses, no prequisite knowledge is required. They are from scratch. They are easy and give you a well fundamental understanding of the subject (e.g. Windows Server) and also boost your confidence and affinity with the subject TREMENDOUSLY. I think you will be very well prepared for studying college/university level Computer Science after completing those courses.

When going through these entry level Microsoft courses, you can decide if computer science really is something for you or not.

I decided that it is not working for me, because I don't like being analytical anymore, gives me too much stress and don't want that the coming 30-40 years.
You have to really LIKE what your doing when it is complicated e.g. like Computer Science.
I wanted it before, because I thought it would earn lots of money, status, fixed contract and along the way I would learn to love the job.
Resentment took me over completely, because I never was intrinsically interested in IT.

If IT holds your dream career and thus you are intrinsically interested/motivated in it, you should go for it and give it time to learn from scratch. Otherwise, if you are not interested, you might waste your time.

 

[Mr2005]

As far as the route set out for you goes I've failed completely. A year or so out turned into early retirement. There's no way I can go back to this now and I don't really want to. I've lost the game. I'm the same age as you and taking my SN seems like the sensible thing to do. Doesn't mean I'm going to though. Fifty years of suffering seems a suitable punishment

 

[Mustkeyknow]

These online Microsoft courses, I talked about earlier on, are entry level courses, no prequisite knowledge is required. They are from scratch. They are easy and give you a well fundamental understanding of the subject (e.g. Windows Server) and also boost your confidence and affinity with the subject TREMENDOUSLY. I think you will be very well prepared for studying college/university level Computer Science after completing those courses.

When going through these entry level Microsoft courses, you can decide if computer science really is something for you or not.

I decided that it is not working for me, because I don't like being analytical anymore, gives me too much stress and don't want that the coming 30-40 years.
You have to really LIKE what your doing when it is complicated e.g. like Computer Science.
I wanted it before, because I thought it would earn lots of money, status, fixed contract and along the way I would learn to love the job.
Resentment took me over completely, because I never was intrinsically interested in IT.

If IT holds your dream career and thus you are intrinsically interested/motivated in it, you should go for it and give it time to learn from scratch. Otherwise, if you are not interested, you might waste your time.

Thank you I'm going you try those courses, I'm not sure if I'm analytical but I'm certainly going to try. Like you I just want the status and the money, but we'll see how it goes.

 

[Busdriver]

Oracle, Cisco offer these courses too. See what is best for you, if you have time and energy for it. Status and money are nice goals, but can be grasped fully if you are intrinsically motivated.

 

[Mustkeyknow]

Oracle, Cisco offer these courses too. See what is best for you, if you have time and energy for it. Status and money are nice goals, but can be grasped fully if you are intrinsically motivated.

Did you ever achieved money and status in your it career?

 

[Busdriver]

Did you ever achieved money and status in your it career?

Because of depression and insomnia I was stuck at junior level roles.

People around me admired the role I had. They thought it was complicated and had to be smart to acquire the role and therefore thought I earned a lot of money.

But salary of junior associate is not that great. Sure you can cover all expenses and save a little, but you can earn at least 5-fold in senior roles and if you keep going for other certificates.
Thing is, you have to update yourself with newest technologies, methodologies to be able to do your job right.

So in short, a bit of status, but not a lot of money. Earnings will rise significantly however if you are good in your job and grow to sr positions and love to update yourself with new developments in your particular field in your time after work.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

Nothings going to improve, i feel like shit and been feeling like shit for the past couple of months. Nothing is going to change. I went to therapy today and the therapist said I victimized myself for all the wrong things I've done. Can you imagine going back to college at 34? Lmfao. Get your first real job at 40? IF they hire you? I don't think so cupcake. The damage is done and there's no turning back. The pain will last forever. I know I need to be a little more kind to myself but I just can't. I ruined my life I wasted it. Nothings gonna get fixed by killing myself, but at least I won't be suffering.

My mom said I was born to ruin both my parents life, and she's probably right. I'm sorry mom, I'm truly sorry.

Amen! Nothing will benefit but only you not suffering, I hope the BEST for you on whatever path you take, as long as you're happy, I'm happy (: are you doing it soon? I want to hear from you