sitting in the mental hospital after an uneventful hanging attempt

[greedydeath]

hello :). so here i am. in the psych ward once again. this time i was about seconds away from dying. i did full suspension and everything went as planned. but SI and adrenaline kicked in last minute and i somehow pulled myself up in the midst of choking to death. last time i was in the psych ward was about 4 or 5 years ago. i had just turned 16 so i was in the teen psych ward which is i must say much much different that the adult one. maybe its because im in a big city now and the one before was a smaller city that the structures are different but shit here is a lot serious it seems. lowkey scary too ngl. i've noticed they treat patients differently depending on the lethality of the attempt. last time i was there (at 16) was after an overdose and when i got discharged from the ICU they only kept me in the psych ward only for 3 days. although my doctor send me right back again only after 2 days but i consented to that. i live in western europe and they very rarely admit patients agaisnt their own will but i got warned that if i denied getting admitted im gonna be forced to no matter what. so i guess there is no point. i came here after the attempt because my friend was texting me saying she's on the phone with the police because i hadn't responded to her in 12+ hours and she was gonna send them to my apartment if i don't respond. and this was right after the attempt so i responded quickly and agreed i'll take myself to the university hospital instead. i live pretty close by it. that was just a background info because what i really wanted to talk about was full suspension hanging. and HOLY FUCKING SHIT. it's traumatizing. beyond traumatizing. i've been raped, beaten, spent weeks and escaped from very very beyond awful east afrfican refugee camps that strips all humanity from you, spent days in deserts, escaped from getting captured by ISIS by the grim of my teeth, witnessed a guy bombing himself, had my parents house burn while i ran out with my toddler siblings and so so many other shit happen to me that's just from the top of my head but i can honestly with my entire being say : it was the worst experience of my entire life. it wasn't even the pain or the choking part. it's the way i physically saw my body fight almost until death to get me out of there. i was one of the unluck ones that didn't pass out quickly. so i was fighting for a good 10+ seconds. it felt like forever. as soon as i got suspended in the air everything changed and it was just- awful. really awful. i do not recommend it to anyone. i now have a big nasty red scary around my neck. it's really really hard to swallow and they had to intubate me through my nose all the way down to my throat to check if i have any serious injuries. and i survived without any brain damage so that's very very lucky for me. aside from all of it though, i still wanna try again...? there's no way i'm telling this to the doctors and they said they'll be keeping me here at least till next week but i'm pretty certain i'm going to try again. i can't explain why. anyone else has this me vs me paradox going on after an attempt?? where your intial instinct is to SURVIVE no matter what but that only last for a day maximum? anyways, i'm very bored here and i don't have my phone with me. just my computer and this shift's doctor just lifted my restrictions meaning i'm now left alone in the room for the first time and can actually sleep, pee and change like a normal human being without being watched by someone 24/7.

 

[Why Me?]

It sounds like you've been thru hell, I'm sorry. I just got out of the mental hospital last week. Unfortunately, there is no place where I live for me to successfully hang myself. I will go with a brutal desperate way very soon. I hope we both become free from a terrible life we did not deserve.

 

[inmyhead]

It sounds like you've been through hell and back with both your attempt and other life experiences. I hope you get on okay on the psych ward as they can be just as traumatising I find. Thinking of you.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

You have been through a lot, sometimes the reality seems stranger than fiction. I truly hope you get what you are looking for be it recovery or completing ctb successfully. All the best to you and if you feel like you want to chat and tell me more about your life experiences I would be your listening ear.

 

[greedydeath]

It sounds like you've been through hell and back with both your attempt and other life experiences. I hope you get on okay on the psych ward as they can be just as traumatising I find. Thinking of you.

You have been through a lot, sometimes the reality seems stranger than fiction. I truly hope you get what you are looking for be it recovery or completing ctb successfully. All the best to you and if you feel like you want to chat and tell me more about your life experiences I would your listening ear.

It sounds like you've been thru hell, I'm sorry. I just got out of the mental hospital last week. Unfortunately, there is no place where I live for me to successfully hang myself. I will go with a brutal desperate way very soon. I hope we both become free from a terrible life we did not deserve.

you guys are really kind. thank u:). the staff here is really nice and i've been lucky to survive without fucking up my neuro function too much. so its not all bad.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm very sorry what you have to go through. This sounds so horrible what you went through must have been like hell. So scary. I wish you a good recovery and should you still wish for a CTB an easy and quick one next time. All the best!

 

[FuneralCry]

That just sounds so horrific what you've had to endure, this world undeniably is so hellish and I hate how it's so difficult to finally die, it disgusts me how we exist in a world where humans are denied the option to just pass away in peace. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[MyLifeisHell]

I'm so sorry. I hope the experience isn't awful and that you can somehow leave with some benefit (as unlikely as that sounds).

 

[squirley]

hello :). so here i am. in the psych ward once again.

psych wards are never fun. Where do you live I'm surprised you're allowed a phone.

this time i was about seconds away from dying. i did full suspension and everything went as planned. but SI and adrenaline kicked in last minute and i somehow pulled myself up in the midst of choking to death.

You pulled your self up on full suspension that's wild. I underestimate SI. The power the body and mind have.

last time i was in the psych ward was about 4 or 5 years ago. i had just turned 16 so i was in the teen psych ward which is i must say much much different that the adult one. maybe its because im in a big city now and the one before was a smaller city that the structures are different but shit here is a lot serious it seems. lowkey scary too ngl.

Of course it's like night and day.

've noticed they treat patients differently depending on the lethality of the attempt. last time i was there (at 16) was after an overdose and when i got discharged from the ICU they only kept me in the psych ward only for 3 days. although my doctor send me right back again only after 2 days but i consented to that. i live in western europe and they very rarely admit patients agaisnt their own will but i got warned that if i denied getting admitted im gonna be forced to no matter what. so i guess there is no point.

Yah it's bullshit. Pretty much go. Or we are going to take you under mental health act. It's not actually a choice. But just a less aggressive one. Sorry this happened.

i came here after the attempt because my friend was texting me saying she's on the phone with the police because i hadn't responded to her in 12+ hours and she was gonna send them to my apartment if i don't respond. and this was right after the attempt so i responded quickly and agreed i'll take myself to the university hospital instead. i live pretty close by it. that was just a background info because what i really wanted to talk about was full suspension hanging. and HOLY FUCKING SHIT. it's traumatizing. beyond traumatizing.

The hospital was? Traumatizing? I agree if they strapped you down etc.

i've been raped, beaten, spent weeks and escaped from very very beyond awful east afrfican refugee camps that strips all humanity from you, spent days in deserts,

Wait what ??? Where are you from ??? University hospital is close but how did it get here?? This is nuts.

escaped from getting captured by ISIS by the grim of my teeth, witnessed a guy bombing himself, had my parents house burn while i ran out with my toddler siblings and so so many other shit happen to me that's just from the top of my head but i can honestly with my entire being say :

WHATTT ????

it was the worst experience of my entire life. it wasn't even the pain or the choking part. it's the way i physically saw my body fight almost until death to get me out of there. i was one of the unluck ones that didn't pass out quickly. so i was fighting for a good 10+ seconds. it felt like forever. as soon as i got suspended in the air everything changed and it was just- awful. really awful. i do not recommend it to anyone. i now have a big nasty red scary around my neck. it's really really hard to swallow and they had to intubate me through my nose all the way down to my throat to check if i have any serious injuries. and i survived without any brain damage so that's very very lucky for me. aside from all of it though, i still wanna try again...? there's no way i'm telling this to the doctors and they said they'll be keeping me here at least till next week but i'm pretty certain i'm going to try again. i can't explain why. anyone else has this me vs me paradox going on after an attempt??

after my non educated and rapid random fast attempt , I immediately felt like even more of a failure. So it's not odd to want to complete your goal of crb. And yes do not tell doctors lul.
But collected my self and read a lot. Ask questions. Now I feel I have chosen methods. Sorry for all the injuries. You got.
I think the brain damage starts only if you pass out for a period of time then are saved by ems. Not 100% on that but I think so.

where your intial instinct is to SURVIVE no matter what but that only last for a day maximum? anyways,

I think this is still the SI a day later. Fight or flight response kind of thing. Shock. Etc.
Then you reset. And the meds they usally force tend to keep.you from resetting.

i'm very bored here and i don't have my phone with me. just my computer

this is why I asked where you live any adult pysch ward here you don't get anything. You can access a phone in front of someone to get contacts and things. Answer a few texts. Let them know where you are. And only use the in house phone after that.
How did you get your laptop ???

and this shift's doctor just lifted my restrictions meaning i'm now left alone in the room for the first time and can actually sleep, pee and change like a normal human being without being watched by someone 24/7.

In person watch? Someone sitting in there with you? I've never heard of this.
That's crazy. I can understand right after the incident or even a few hours after.
But here they have cameras everywhere including the rooms. Not someone literally sitting in the room with you... wouldn't they check your laptop to see where you are posting ? Very intense. Horrific situation. Good luck on getting out of there and whatever happens next

 

[greedydeath]

psych wards are never fun. Where do you live I'm surprised you're allowed a phone.

You pulled your self up on full suspension that's wild. I underestimate SI. The power the body and mind have.

Of course it's like night and day.

Yah it's bullshit. Pretty much go. Or we are going to take you under mental health act. It's not actually a choice. But just a less aggressive one. Sorry this happened.

The hospital was? Traumatizing? I agree if they strapped you down etc.

Wait what ??? Where are you from ??? University hospital is close but how did it get here?? This is nuts.

WHATTT ????

after my non educated and rapid random fast attempt , I immediately felt like even more of a failure. So it's not odd to want to complete your goal of crb. And yes do not tell doctors lul.
But collected my self and read a lot. Ask questions. Now I feel I have chosen methods. Sorry for all the injuries. You got.
I think the brain damage starts only if you pass out for a period of time then are saved by ems. Not 100% on that but I think so.

I think this is still the SI a day later. Fight or flight response kind of thing. Shock. Etc.
Then you reset. And the meds they usally force tend to keep.you from resetting.

this is why I asked where you live any adult pysch ward here you don't get anything. You can access a phone in front of someone to get contacts and things. Answer a few texts. Let them know where you are. And only use the in house phone after that.
How did you get your laptop ???

In person watch? Someone sitting in there with you? I've never heard of this.
That's crazy. I can understand right after the incident or even a few hours after.
But here they have cameras everywhere including the rooms. Not someone literally sitting in the room with you... wouldn't they check your laptop to see where you are posting ? Very intense. Horrific situation. Good luck on getting out of there and whatever happens next

I live in a scandinavian country. the rules are pretty chill. you get to have your phone, computer, other electronics,.. pretty much everything with the exception of alcohol, drugs and anything thatcan be used to physically harm yourself and others (sharp objects etc). prior to this i lived in east african countries until the age of 12. aside from the burning house and foster home ones, all the major traumas happened in those countries between the ages of 5 to 11/12.

the hospital was not traumatizing. the hanging attempt was. i am a very very calm person with a pretty high pain tolerance and i've seen myself go in shock plenty of times before but i very rarely experience the fight side of fight/flight/freeze. whenever i'm in danger i usually either flee or freeze. but the way my weak ass self that can barely do one pushup to save my life managed to pull my entire body up, hold on to the anchor point with one hand and remove the rope with the other thus managing to free myself and fall to the ground was austonishing to me. i was in shock for a good
9-10 hours after that and had to get heavily medicated to get to sleep. i only came about yesterday morning when all "calmed down". the university hospital is close from my student apartment. when i promised my friend im taking myself to the psych ward, she had no idea i had just attempted. i managed to hide the scarring with the help of my hair and because it's too hot to wear a scarf right now, i wore a training jacket on my back and had the sleeves around my neck. that way it seemed more fashionable and therefore didnt raise any suspicion while i walked to the psych emergency ward. i know a way around the hospital because i've come here a lot as a student whenever we had idk what it's called in english but like whenever we basically had to come and learn from the hospital professionals at work instead of just professors at campus. kind of like shadowing basically. and i also came here a few months ago as a patient (no admission or anything serious - it was just for the percription of meds). so i basically knew where to go and told them what had just happened. i don't really know what i was doing. i think it was my fight or flight and the big temporary drive to live live live!! with the addition of my friend being very worried even though she knew nothing basically got me out of my apartment. i basically came here on autopilot. i only had the "ah shit what the fuck have i done" thought yesterday after spending the night here in the psych section of the hospital. im now trying to be a good patient so i can get out of here early or at least get to have permission to go out/home for the day because right now all i want is a hot shower, some snacks i can find at home, a good tv show and just fall asleep on my bed.

also yes, during my first night here - i guess between tuesday evening and wednesday noon, i had to be watched 24/7. it was very awkward and uncomfortable. i'm a very private person and it was just wild to see staff having to observe me while i slept, changed and stuff. but i was in a lot of shock and was just starting to get exhausted from what they gave me to get knocked out quickly so i didnt care too much and just went to sleep. i reassured the doctor that i won't kill myself here. which i won't of course and he lifted the restriction. i'm now in the "normal" observation mode where they come check on u and ur room every hour during the day and every 2 hours during the night. i hope i managed to answer all ur questions. i'm sorry if my post earlier was a bit confusing.

 

[squirley]

I live in a scandinavian country. the rules are pretty chill. you get to have your phone, computer, other electronics,.. pretty much everything with the exception of alcohol, drugs and anything thatcan be used to physically harm yourself and others (sharp objects etc).

Ahh ok gotcha well that's atleast of a distraction. Within the madness.

prior to this i lived in east african countries until the age of 12. aside from the burning house and foster home ones, all the major traumas happened in those countries between the ages of 5 to 11/12.

That is crazy. Very sorry to hear this. Wild shit.
That's a lot of years. Tough...

the hospital was not traumatizing. the hanging attempt was.

ah ok. Sorry I misunderstood.

i am a very very calm person with a pretty high pain tolerance and i've seen myself go in shock plenty of times before but i very rarely experience the fight side of fight/flight/freeze. whenever i'm in danger i usually either flee or freeze.

You recognize that it's happening?? The shock. That's terrifying. I've had a couple of very minute SI experiences so this makes me question what will happen once I'm.all in.
Thanks for sharing this.

but the way my weak ass self that can barely do one pushup to save my life managed to pull my entire body up, hold on to the anchor point with one hand and remove the rope with the other thus managing to free myself and fall to the ground was austonishing to me.

That's why I said it's crazy what the mind and body can do.
Like the old story of the lady that lifted the car to save her baby or whatever...

i was in shock for a good
9-10 hours after that and had to get heavily medicated to get to sleep. i only came about yesterday morning when all "calmed down".

That's brutal...

the university hospital is close from my student apartment. when i promised my friend im taking myself to the psych ward, she had no idea i had just attempted. i managed to hide the scarring with the help of my hair and because it's too hot to wear a scarf right now, i wore a training jacket on my back and had the sleeves around my neck. that way it seemed more fashionable and therefore didnt raise any suspicion while i walked to the psych emergency ward. i know a way around the hospital because i've come here a lot as a student whenever we had idk what it's called in english but like whenever we basically had to come and learn from the hospital professionals at work instead of just professors at campus. kind of like shadowing basically.

She didn't know !!!! Omg... even more anxious.
Yah shadowing makes sense.

and i also came here a few months ago as a patient (no admission or anything serious - it was just for the percription of meds). so i basically knew where to go and told them what had just happened. i don't really know what i was doing. i think it was my fight or flight and the big temporary drive to live live live!!

Yah that's wild....once again it's just making me think about my reaction. Sounds just extremely intense. Yet terrifying.

with the addition of my friend being very worried even though she knew nothing basically got me out of my apartment. i basically came here on autopilot. i only had the "ah shit what the fuck have i done" thought yesterday after spending the night here in the psych section of the hospital.

Yes yes makes sense. Been there lul.

im now trying to be a good patient so i can get out of here early or at least get to have permission to go out/home for the day because right now all i want is a hot shower, some snacks i can find at home, a good tv show and just fall asleep on my bed.

yah that would be nice ..just do your thing play the system and get out.

also yes, during my first night here - i guess between tuesday evening and wednesday noon, i had to be watched 24/7. it was very awkward and uncomfortable.

for sure !!! I can imagine. I just never heard of this maybe like 10..15 min rounds... but never 1on1 that's super awkward

i'm a very private person and it was just wild to see staff having to observe me while i slept, changed and stuff.

Exactly. I don't think inwould do well with this. Glad you got through it.

but i was in a lot of shock and was just starting to get exhausted from what they gave me to get knocked out quickly so i didnt care too much and just went to sleep. i reassured the doctor that i won't kill myself here. which i won't of course and he lifted the restriction. i'm now in the "normal" observation mode where they come check on u and ur room every hour during the day and every 2 hours during the night. i hope i managed to answer all ur questions. i'm sorry if my post earlier was a bit confusing.

No need for the sorry at all it was fine , it's just interesting to see how different countries have different protocols and systems in place. Glad you're feeling a bit better and can focus on getting out of there. Good luck in your future choices.

 

[gurowuro]

wish you the best and hope you find your peace <3

 

[lastday6116]

I will do the impossible not to enter the hospital, it is hell on earth

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

All the best with your future and I hope you find peace with whatever decision you end up taking.

 

[greedydeath]

Ahh ok gotcha well that's atleast of a distraction. Within the madness.

That is crazy. Very sorry to hear this. Wild shit.
That's a lot of years. Tough...

ah ok. Sorry I misunderstood.

You recognize that it's happening?? The shock. That's terrifying. I've had a couple of very minute SI experiences so this makes me question what will happen once I'm.all in.
Thanks for sharing this.

That's why I said it's crazy what the mind and body can do.
Like the old story of the lady that lifted the car to save her baby or whatever...

That's brutal...

She didn't know !!!! Omg... even more anxious.
Yah shadowing makes sense.

Yah that's wild....once again it's just making me think about my reaction. Sounds just extremely intense. Yet terrifying.

Yes yes makes sense. Been there lul.

yah that would be nice ..just do your thing play the system and get out.

for sure !!! I can imagine. I just never heard of this maybe like 10..15 min rounds... but never 1on1 that's super awkward

Exactly. I don't think inwould do well with this. Glad you got through it.

No need for the sorry at all it was fine , it's just interesting to see how different countries have different protocols and systems in place. Glad you're feeling a bit better and can focus on getting out of there. Good luck in your future choices.

yeah thanks for keeping me distracted as well:) i very rarely see any posts about full suspension hanging here because im guessing not a lot of people survive to tell the tale or most people are looking for painless and less troubling methods - wish i was patient and smart enough to do that tbh. so i wanted to share my experience. i know not every attempt is the same especially with something as diverse as hanging (although full suspension hanging is pretty straight forward). i've researched a lot the last few months about full suspension. there's a lottttt of different answers out there. some say you pass out after 10-15 seconds after blood circulation cuts off. some say u'll get strangled to death and suffer for a lot of minutes. i even would watch live hanging videos on gore websites to see how bad it was on the person. like how long they suffered and stuff. everyone i saw seemed to pass out pretty quickly. i finally said fuck it and just decided that there was only one way i could find out for sure. i was very determined to die. i did not kick the chair off quickly. i did it slowly because i didn't want it to be too sudden on my body and me having a panic attack on top of the hanging so i did it very slowly. i don't know if that was ultimately a bad idea or not. either way, i heavily underestimated how far SI will go to keep you alive.

and i wanted to share my experience not to scare anyone off because as i said, every attempt is different and what might've been absloute torture and very traumatizing attempt for me might be a very quick and peaceful experience for the next person. but i think its better to go knowing all the best and worst case scenarios. choking was not the problem. not breathing was not the problem. for me personally, what really affected me - is still affecting me days later is how i was dying while my body and mind was begging not to. it essentially felt like i was dying against my own will. seeing my body plead that intensly did a number on me i think. it felt like i was getting murdered. here's a little more detail on how bad those barely a minute moments felt in detail for anyone interested :

i did not pass out immedietly at all. as soon as i let go of the chair - my body had a mind of its own - i remember first hanging for about 8-10 seconds without too much of a fight except for the occasional feet swinging and scratching my neck - not to mention the terrifying ass noises i was making like an animal. by this point i was still pretty aware and "myself" and was just basically enduring the pain until i finally pass out even tho i was automatically thrashing and swinging my limbs and stuff. after that the real fight started. real raw human stuff. pretty fascinating and also very very terrifying. i was thinking pretty critically and figured i had less than 30 seconds to make it out alive. for some reason i was NOT willing to give up and accept it. i remember thinking "i am not dying im not dying. oh fuck i'm gonna die. shit this is how people die" i looked around and saw what i could reach in the midst of freaking out and barely screaming bc i couldn't get a word out. the chair was too far for me to reach it with my feet. i couldnt pull on the rope because that's just impossible imo no matter how bad the SI is. so holding into the anchor point was my only choice. im glad i could reach it because the rope was so far up high but part of me is disappointed that i could.

you said u wanna try full suspension too. just keep in mind that if you really want to, there are plenty of other peaceful methods out there requiring just a tad bit of research, patience and creativity. full suspension is a horrible way to die. even if ure thinking "as long as i die it won't matter", ur last thoughts being "i dont wanna die. i really dont wanna die" because of the SI is just i dont know. awful. and even though i survived with zero injuries, i cant look up or turn my head around too much because of the scar on my neck. it still hurts to swallow and it's very uncomfortable to even look people in the eye while they stare directly into ur neck area. and this has been trained doctors nurses and medical stuff. so imagine the cruel outside world - not looking forward to that.

AGAIN - not looking to scare u. i'm not a hypocrite or a suddenly healhy and life loving pro-lifer. i'm chronically suicidal and i firmly believe that people who wanna die should have all the freedom and resources to do so. but man- hanging, especilly full suspension is just- dehumanizing. that's all i can say. yet, i still wanna try again so maybe i am a hypocrite and delusional afterall lmao

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

I will do the impossible not to enter the hospital, it is hell on earth

I have been to a mental hospital before and it was actually not bad for me. However, it's not somewhere I would want to go back to.

 

[lastday6116]

I have been to a mental hospital before and it was actually not bad for me. However, it's not somewhere I would want to go back to.

It is not the place itself, but the arrival of my family and their looks Also, the investigation team, the attempt to fail makes me trapped and I want to break the door of life in order to get out

 

[greedydeath]

It is not the place itself, but the arrival of my family and their looks Also, the investigation team, the attempt to fail makes me trapped and I want to break the door of life in order to get out

the humuliation after an attempt- especially when family members come to see you is a really funny and downright fucked situation. especially if it's highly religious or ones that know very little about mental illness and/or suicidality family. im sorry that happened. that's when you realize shit just got a little more serious.

 

[lastday6116]

the humuliation after an attempt- especially when family members come to see you is a really funny and downright fucked situation. especially if it's highly religious or ones that know very little about mental illness and/or suicidality family. im sorry that happened. that's when you realize shit just got a little more serious.

Exactly it is an indescribable feeling of humiliation

 

[greedydeath]

Exactly it is an indescribable feeling of humiliation

i'm very grateful i'm finally over 18 and can come in and out without my parents having any idea but i know what ure talking about. how did ur family react?
they're gonna have rounds soon in 10-15 mins. 2 doctors, some nurses and med students (hopefully fucking not bc it could be someone i know from uni) i think. so not looking very forward to that. but i'm happy to answer anyones questions until then. i'll try to be as honest and objective as i can about my experience.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

.

yeah thanks for keeping me distracted as well:) i very rarely see any posts about full suspension hanging here because im guessing not a lot of people survive to tell the tale or most people are looking for painless and less troubling methods - wish i was patient and smart enough to do that tbh. so i wanted to share my experience. i know not every attempt is the same especially with something as diverse as hanging (although full suspension hanging is pretty straight forward). i've researched a lot the last few months about full suspension. there's a lottttt of different answers out there. some say you pass out after 10-15 seconds after blood circulation cuts off. some say u'll get strangled to death and suffer for a lot of minutes. i even would watch live hanging videos on gore websites to see how bad it was on the person. like how long they suffered and stuff. everyone i saw seemed to pass out pretty quickly. i finally said fuck it and just decided that there was only one way i could find out for sure. i was very determined to die. i did not kick the chair off quickly. i did it slowly because i didn't want it to be too sudden on my body and me having a panic attack on top of the hanging so i did it very slowly. i don't know if that was ultimately a bad idea or not. either way, i heavily underestimated how far SI will go to keep you alive.

and i wanted to share my experience not to scare anyone off because as i said, every attempt is different and what might've been absloute torture and very traumatizing attempt for me might be a very quick and peaceful experience for the next person. but i think its better to go knowing all the best and worst case scenarios. choking was not the problem. not breathing was not the problem. for me personally, what really affected me - is still affecting me days later is how i was dying while my body and mind was begging not to. it essentially felt like i was dying against my own will. seeing my body plead that intensly did a number on me i think. it felt like i was getting murdered. here's a little more detail on how bad those barely a minute moments felt in detail for anyone interested :

i did not pass out immedietly at all. as soon as i let go of the chair - my body had a mind of its own - i remember first hanging for about 8-10 seconds without too much of a fight except for the occasional feet swinging and scratching my neck - not to mention the terrifying ass noises i was making like an animal. by this point i was still pretty aware and "myself" and was just basically enduring the pain until i finally pass out even tho i was automatically thrashing and swinging my limbs and stuff. after that the real fight started. real raw human stuff. pretty fascinating and also very very terrifying. i was thinking pretty critically and figured i had less than 30 seconds to make it out alive. for some reason i was NOT willing to give up and accept it. i remember thinking "i am not dying im not dying. oh fuck i'm gonna die. shit this is how people die" i looked around and saw what i could reach in the midst of freaking out and barely screaming bc i couldn't get a word out. the chair was too far for me to reach it with my feet. i couldnt pull on the rope because that's just impossible imo no matter how bad the SI is. so holding into the anchor point was my only choice. im glad i could reach it because the rope was so far up high but part of me is disappointed that i could.

you said u wanna try full suspension too. just keep in mind that if you really want to, there are plenty of other peaceful methods out there requiring just a tad bit of research, patience and creativity. full suspension is a horrible way to die. even if ure thinking "as long as i die it won't matter", ur last thoughts being "i dont wanna die. i really dont wanna die" because of the SI is just i dont know. awful. and even though i survived with zero injuries, i cant look up or turn my head around too much because of the scar on my neck. it still hurts to swallow and it's very uncomfortable to even look people in the eye while they stare directly into ur neck area. and this has been trained doctors nurses and medical stuff. so imagine the cruel outside world - not looking forward to that.

AGAIN - not looking to scare u. i'm not a hypocrite or a suddenly healhy and life loving pro-lifer. i'm chronically suicidal and i firmly believe that people who wanna die should have all the freedom and resources to do so. but man- hanging, especilly full suspension is just- dehumanizing. that's all i can say. yet, i still wanna try again so maybe i am a hypocrite and delusional afterall lmao

Thanks for sharing your experience. This is helpful for anyone planning on full suspension hanging. It's pretty scary and terrifying. This is certainly not a method for myself.

 

[greedydeath]

.

Thanks for sharing your experience. This is helpful for anyone planning on full suspension hanging. It's pretty scary and terrifying. This is certainly not a method for myself.

pretty scary stuff. i think with methods like full suspension, gun and anything that's highly lethal and supposed to kill you realitively quickly; it's better not to survive at all. even if it's someone else doing that to u. i thought i was a pretty emotionally strong person but fuck man i dont know. this one felt like its gonna be one for the books. i dont think we modern human ever expect our bodies to experience that level of fight or flight. very fascinating stuff to observe, but not experience it urself.

 

[squirley]

yeah thanks for keeping me distracted as well:) i very rarely see any posts about full suspension hanging here because im guessing not a lot of people survive to tell the tale or most people are looking for painless and less troubling methods

Yah not a lot.on full.
And for both these reasons.

- wish i was patient and smart enough to do that tbh. so i wanted to share my experience

Glad you did. Even though it was not the greatest.

. i know not every attempt is the same especially with something as diverse as hanging (although full suspension hanging is pretty straight forward)

That's where I'm conflicted. In theory it seems straight forward... but it just takes 1 little thing for it to become something different.

. i've researched a lot the last few months about full suspension. there's a lottttt of different answers out there. some say you pass out after 10-15 seconds after blood circulation cuts off. some say u'll get strangled to death and suffer for a lot of minutes.

Yes. Same. At first with every method. And narrowed it down to partial with a mix of others.
Partial/swb/old meds/drugs/booze
Ive tested quite a bit. Had a couple of little si.
at first i was thinking ctb by LE but ... I'm on the fence
About that. Going peaceful at home sounds better.

i even would watch live hanging videos on gore websites to see how bad it was on the person. like how long they suffered and stuff. everyone i saw seemed to pass out pretty quickly.

Yah usually I wasn't into these videos but....since my date is coming close. I've been looking these up. Just to see how I would end up ? Maybe I don't want my tongue sticking out? Maybe I don't want to thrash a lot. ?
Who knows.
I've seen a few full... and yah it seemed some was 10..20 seconds a little shake and gone.
Others feet in the air kicking then done.
The body does what it wants.

The one that had me a little off put. Was one of night night method. And some people said. He was knocked out. But it just wasn't a peaceful scene and the noises. Was just. Intense. But that's only one so...

i finally said fuck it and just decided that there was only one way i could find out for sure. i was very determined to die. i did not kick the chair off quickly. i did it slowly because i didn't want it to be too sudden on my body and me having a panic attack on top of the hanging so i did it very slowly. i don't know if that was ultimately a bad idea or not. either way, i heavily underestimated how far SI will go to keep you alive.

and i wanted to share my experience not to scare anyone off because as i said, every attempt is different and what might've been absloute torture and very traumatizing attempt for me might be a very quick and peaceful experience for the next person.

Yes exactly.

but i think its better to go knowing all the best and worst case scenarios. choking was not the problem. not breathing was not the problem. for me personally, what really affected me - is still affecting me days later is how i was dying while my body and mind was begging not to. it essentially felt like i was dying against my own will. seeing my body plead that intensly did a number on me i think. it felt like i was getting murdered. here's a little more detail on how bad those barely a minute moments felt in detail for anyone interested :

I think this is why I'm adding old meds...drugs..booze... to hopefully stop this.
Maybe you didn't hit the arteries? Or did the mind even over come this and refuse to pass out. A very scary experience.

i did not pass out immedietly at all. as soon as i let go of the chair - my body had a mind of its own - i remember first hanging for about 8-10 seconds without too much of a fight except for the occasional feet swinging and scratching my neck - not to mention the terrifying ass noises i was making like an animal.

Yes exactly like the night night I saw.
Even when I was testing my carotid arteries with a rubber gym strap. I just squeezed that shit just to see. But I was seeing stars and my nose went ....yah funny noises. And I stopped.

by this point i was still pretty aware and "myself" and was just basically enduring the pain until i finally pass out even tho i was automatically thrashing and swinging my limbs and stuff. after that the real fight started. real raw human stuff. pretty fascinating and also very very terrifying. i was thinking pretty critically and figured i had less than 30 seconds to make it out alive. for some reason i was NOT willing to give up and accept it. i

Wild. Wild. Thanks for sharing this.

remember thinking "i am not dying im not dying. oh fuck i'm gonna die. shit this is how people die" i looked around and saw what i could reach in the midst of freaking out and barely screaming bc i couldn't get a word out. the chair was too far for me to reach it with my feet. i couldnt pull on the rope because that's just impossible imo no matter how bad the SI is. so holding into the anchor point was my only choice. im glad i could reach it because the rope was so far up high but part of me is disappointed that i could.

Fuck.... intense. Sorry it happened but also glad you can share your experience.

you said u wanna try full suspension too. just keep in mind that if you really want to, there are plenty of other peaceful methods out there requiring just a tad bit of research, patience and creativity. full suspension is a horrible way to die. even if ure thinking "as long as i die it won't matter", ur last thoughts being "i dont wanna die. i really dont wanna die" because of the SI is just i dont know. awful. and even though i survived with zero injuries, i cant look up or turn my head around too much because of the scar on my neck. it still hurts to swallow and it's very uncomfortable to even look people in the eye while they stare directly into ur neck area. and this has been trained doctors nurses and medical stuff. so imagine the cruel outside world - not looking forward to that.

AGAIN - not looking to scare u. i'm not a hypocrite or a suddenly healhy and life loving pro-lifer. i'm chronically suicidal and i firmly believe that people who wanna die should have all the freedom and resources to do so. but man- hanging, especilly full suspension is just- dehumanizing. that's all i can say. yet, i still wanna try again so maybe i am a hypocrite and delusional afterall lmao

Very very well said. And thank you.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

pretty scary stuff. i think with methods like full suspension, gun and anything that's highly lethal and supposed to kill you realitively quickly; it's better not to survive at all. even if it's someone else doing that to u. i thought i was a pretty emotionally strong person but fuck man i dont know. this one felt like its gonna be one for the books. i dont think we modern human ever expect our bodies to experience that level of fight or flight. very fascinating stuff to observe, but not experience it urself.

SI was and will always be there.