diamond4
New Member
- Sep 9, 2024
- 3
This never fails to happen when I'm "triggered" in some way (God I hate using that word; I feel like a stupid edgelord but it's the best I can think of): I obsessively think about dying and imagine myself passing away, then get frustrated remembering the reality of me not having the means to do so. I did have an "official" attempt 10-16-23, and looking back on it now, it was such an effing joke. Had a full bottle of dipenhydramine medicine and took almost the whole thing; i stopped when I started feeling bloated and sick with a headache bc I thought it was enough. Ofc my dumbass woke up the very next morning...living with the embarrassment of this, even if the whole world isn't aware, just makes me wanna show up and show out for myself later on, yk? Every time I age I just get more and more suicidal, especially now that I just turned 19 in April. I'm pushing 20 now and I haven't hit the damn milestones I should've hit. Next year is genuinely gonna be a make-or-break....if i dont have the life I want I definitely wanna try taking myself out again, hopefully with a gun, as you can't miss with a blow to the head or chest right? I hope not as I don't wanna end up living a life permanently disfigured/disabled. It's a damn shame I couldn't even kms right though...sorry if I seem jumbled up, I just needed to vent i just feel terrible and I dont wanna be here I dont belong at all im so upset. It's like I just stuff myself with shit to keep myself satisfied enough to not be searching up methods every 2 seconds. But I know it's something I need to do. Life is a bitch and I'm so sick of it.
