Venting Shoutout to the particular hell that is off and on depression

[Abyssal]

Being okay sometimes is probably better than never being okay at all, but there's something awful about falling so far so easily. Just as I believe I'm in the clear I remember why I'd be better if I was corpse. There is no better suicide fuel than the inevitability of getting worse again.

 

[nyul]

I feel you. It also feels like such a terrible challenge to toe the line and not fall down. I feel like I have to work so hard and do everything right lest I fall into what may be my final depression. When I go high, it's just okay. When I go low, I go LOW.

 

[alicia]

Painfully familiar. I am clawing myself out of a depressive episode that has lasted 6 months, half of which I was more or less catatonic. I'm not quite back to "okay" but I'm mostly functional right now, and it's just… exhausting. There's so little reward when you pull yourself back to "normal", just the regular grind of life and the tedious task of fixing up all the things that had gone wrong while you were ill. Sure, there's a sense of accomplishment: I dragged myself out of the abyss again. But there's also dread: inevitably I'll slip again and fall back down. I'm so unbearably tired.