Should you crush your enemies or have mercy with them?

[noname223]

I had some very serious arguments with a lot of people in the past 6 months. Self-help group, former therapist, a manipulative woman whom I dated.

I don't like conflicts. I am more defensive in general. I don't like to go into the offense.

However, there were times were I sort of had the feeling that it is a decision between me or them. The constellations were very heterogeneous.

My therapist wanted to ruin me. She wrote lies in my medical records. I started a mail exchange and she contradicted herself so many times that she ruined her credibility. And she was always so manipulative. Blaming me for everything while complimenting me on a personal level. There was one time where I sort of wanted to give in. Accepting her apology and move on. But AI chatbots told me I would ruin my chances in a court case completely if I sent press. And I didn't send press. And I am so happy I didn't let her manipulate me. You know anime fans might know the fight between Son-Goku and Freezer. Freezers begs for mercy he begs to spare his life. And when Son-Goku wants to do that Freezer tries to backstab him and kill him. Son-Goku can dodge the attack and in self-defense he kills Freezer.

I have to say the past 6 months gave me a bad feeling about the human nature. And it didn't help to stop catastrophizing social interactions.

In the self-help group a woman tried to bully me for a couple of months. And it failed very spectaculary. She made an ass out of herself. And I think she felt horrible about that. But actually I just tried to dodge her attacks on me. At the last meeting she wanted to make me jealous with her boyfriend because we dated. I had to suppress to laugh out loud. I considered it completely insane that she thought I would be jealous of her boyfriend when she tries to bully me for a couple of months. Despite the fact I always tries to deescalate the situation. I think she felt horrible about my reaction.

And I am re-playing these social interactions in my mind again and again. Always trying to be prepared for the next person to take advantage of me.

Maybe this also sounds a lot like I always considered myself to be the victim. I think my therapist hated me for always criticizing her and for the fact that I always acted like a smartass in front of her. But I am autistic, she is a therapist and her actions were completely insane. Who would do that? Who would announce to write lies in the medical records and tell the patient no one will believe you due to your conditions.

 

[Dejected 55]

Depends on what your goals are and who your enemies are.

When you are fighting against Jason or Freddy (the horror icons) then you had better be fighting to destroy them because they will keep coming back if you don't.

For ordinary enemies, it depends on what your goals are long-term. If you're fine being at risk of war all the time, then go ahead and attempt to crush your enemies. What that does is tell people you will not relent so they can't rest on their laurels and if they can sneak up on you they'd better do it. Also, you create new enemies who sympathize with the ones you crush because no one likes a tyrant except the tyrant.

The more harshly you wield your power the more enemies you will have... so if you're cool with that, go for crushing and you'll always have new enemies to fight.

Whereas if you try and show mercy and be kind you will gain more allies, including some of your conquered enemies when you treat the survivors with kindness and incorporate them in your new society.

Turns out kindness is the ultimate selfish tool to protect yourself against future enemies.

 

[Seneca65AD]

To quote the great philosopher Conan the Barbarian when asked what is good in life? "To crush your enemies - See them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women."

 

[Pluto]

 

[Forever Sleep]

The bigger problem I believe is the assumption that we can crush an enemy. If you're up against certain types of people- with narcissistic/ sociopathic/ psychopathic traits- how can you guage how far they will go? Especially if they have a lot to protect.

Personally- I think it's better to hold your ground on your own rights but- to walk away where possible. Some people, it's extremely unwise to antogonise. Especially when they are in a position of power.

I've seen employees (stupidly) go after their managers and then be dumb founded when they used every trick in the book to sack them.

Of course- it's different- if they have actually committed a crime. I'm not saying victims of sexual harassment or intense bullying should back down. When it's more like minor disagreements though- I think we can quickly regret taking certain people on.

Someone at work once cautioned me not to get on a particular manager's radar. Of course- we shouldn't have to live in fear of people but then, sometimes the fight isn't worth it. Because- it's unlikely they are going anywhere. Companies seem to like to employ sociopaths in middle management roles. It's sometimes better I think to learn how to deal with them.

I think it's naive too- to believe you can attack someone- even if it's in retaliation but an escalation- and believe they will simply back down. Not if they have things to lose and not if they've already proven they will be an aggressor.

Perhaps different in a physical fight but, anything else- I think there are sometimes better ways to handle it.

A colleague at work once believed someone else had been bitching about her to me. Which- she had been. I was fairly new at the time. But- she came straight up- asked what had been said and- made it clear she wouldn't tolerate it- she'd inform our manager. I admired her for doing that. She didn't do something bitchy back. She simply made it clear she wouldn't tolerate being bullied.

 

[Dejected 55]

I think defending yourself is always acceptable. In a perfect world no one would attack, but you have to be ready just in case. The trickier part comes when you "know" someone is going to attack you and you have to decide whether to wait and defend yourself OR try to attack them first by surprise. I understand that situation but it's tricky because it does make you look like the aggressor. It's really easy to accidentally create martyrs and inspire the next generation of horrible if you don't handle your defense correctly in the moment.

 

[FoxSauce]

Depends on who if that person is trying thwir best then yes I believe in second chances. If that person dowsnt give 2 shits then and likes making people feel like shit tuen no chances even if they screwed up more than one.

 

[Bishop]

You could be your own enemy. So it depends.