should i?

[keitaro]

no, jumping isnt my method. if i was going to last night i would have done the other option (hanging myself from the fence). but its an impulse option because it does take that one moment.
the rope/jump is more of a suicidal fantasy.

oh ok, that makes sense.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Does talking on here, for you, change your mind? If you had someone to talk to 12-14 hours a day, would it help? I know in my case, just having someone to bounce off of, would help me.

no. public places give me anxiety. i have anxiety every time i post, typically feeling in the way. i have anxiety commenting on my own threads!!!! i HATE seeing my name on the main page

the officer told me that i could always call and i told her that i felt others needed it more then me. that id be getting in the way and using up resources if i got ahold of them

 

[Scrubs2016]

no. public places give me anxiety. i have anxiety every time i post, typically feeling in the way.

the officer told me that i could always call and i told her that i felt others needed it more then me. that id be getting in the way and using up resources if i got ahold of them

I meant chat online or WhatsApp. But if you posting generated more anxiety, how could the community help with that? We are a resource too, add that to our collective understanding and we can listen?

 

[Life_and_Death]

But if you posting generated more anxiety, how could the community help with that? We are a resource too, add that to our collective understanding and we can listen?

honestly, not recently but awhile ago this site was less then helpful. people that should have had me on ignore (people that i have on ignore) would post on my threads or quote my comments. like dude, weve had previous problems, i put you on ignore why cant you be an adult and do the same. instead youre bothering me and making me feel worse. its only recently i came back and havent had as much problems.
as for helping with you cant, unless you alone can somehow get the site to stop ignoring me. i had a whole thread about it from a while ago but i cant find it now. basically it was about how i feel like everyones show. certain threads aside, i swear mine have a high view average but a low comment average compared to most. in that thread i was told that i was "intense" and that people dont know how to respond to me so whatever i guess.

I meant chat online or WhatsApp

oh you meant pm, i guess but it seems pointless, no one ever stays.

 

[Life_and_Death]

What if that was just it. What if I didn't because I could

theres nothing stopping me from grabbing my rope and going out.

nothing was stopping me. there was no SI (in that moment, it might have shown up if i proceeded but i didnt feel like it would).

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

as for helping with you cant, unless you alone can somehow get the site to stop ignoring me. i had a whole thread about it from a while ago but i cant find it now. basically it was about how i feel like everyones show. certain threads aside, i swear mine have a high view average but a low comment average compared to most. in that thread i was told that i was "intense" and that people dont know how to respond to me so whatever i guess.

I like reading your posts and hearing what you have to say. I don't always know how to respond in a way that's helpful, and I'm very against posting things that aren't helpful. A lot of times I'll just leave a reaction to show I care.

And sometimes I just lack the energy or mental stability to say something worthwhile. I'm sorry. I really don't mean to ignore you. I can't speak for others, but I suspect there may be other members in the same boat, considering we have similar struggles.

I know, like me, you want to leave this world. But honestly — selfishly, I'm glad you're still here for now. Of course I wish you were in less pain and felt more support, but I'm glad you're here.

 

[Life_and_Death]

found a poem i wrote this night..

With every step she got closer
Each breath growing heavier
Every hopeful thought pursuing her nightmare
She just kept walking
Watching the people pass
Can they tell?
A dark cloud hangs over the girls head
Tormenting thoughts attack her every waking moment
She had to make it stop
It was too much
It was constant
Finding a bag and belongings
A suicide help number.. Uncalled
And this poem encapsulating the girls final thoughts...
Just keep going